David Lehman, b. 1948
When she asks for a margarita, she means daiquiri.
When he says “ideal”, he means “profitable”.
When she says "I'll never talk to you again"
then this should be understood as: “Hug me from behind by the shoulders -
because I'm so sad to stand alone at the window.
All this you need to know, reader.
When a man loves a woman she's in Virginia and he's in New York
or he is in Boston and writes to her, and she is in New York and reads what he wrote to her;
Or she's wearing a sweater and sunglasses on Balboa and he's raking leaves in Ithaca,
or he is going to East Hampton, and she stands there, inconsolable,
at the window, looking at the bay,
where the regatta takes place and many colorful sails -
while he's stuck in a traffic jam on the expressway in Long Island.
When a woman loves a man and it's 10 am
then she is already fast asleep, and he watches football, drinks lemonade and gnaws on pretzels,
and two hours later he climbs into bed,
in which she sleeps, as before, and her whole body breathes native warmth.
When she says "Tomorrow" it means two or three weeks later.
When she reminds him, "We're only talking about me now," he immediately falls silent.
Her best friend always comes to visit with the words:
"What's happened? Did someone die again?
When a woman loves a man they decide
on a cloudless July day
swim naked in a mountain river,
and the sound of the waterfall rushing from the smooth stones above,
sounds like children's laughter
and the whole world seems so friendly.
And ripe apples fall from the tree right next to them.
And there is nothing left but to pick them up and eat.
When he tells her, "Well, it's only temporary"
she immediately replies: “You, as always, are in your repertoire” -
and her voice sounds drier than the martini she sips from the glass.
They are constantly quarreling.
It's kind of fun.
"What do I owe you?"
"Let's start with an apology."
"Okay, excuse me, asshole."
And keeps his fingers crossed - a sign that means: "Just kidding."
Silent scene.
"Last time you were with me and you never kissed me," she says,
"Be sure to remember this to me later," -
All this with a perfect English accent.
There was a year when they got divorced seven times
and nine more times they threatened each other with divorce.
When a woman loves a man, she wants him to wait for her.
at the exit of the airport in his jeep.
When a man loves a woman, he waits for her there and does not complain later about
that she arrived two hours late
Or the fact that the refrigerator is completely empty.
When a woman loves a man, she does not want to sleep.
She's like a child who cries when it gets dark outside
because he doesn't want the day to end.
When a man loves a woman, he gently watches her sleep and thinks at the same time:
"Deep sleep is to her what the moon is to lovers."
And thousands of fireflies wink at him.
And the trills of the frogs from the neighboring swamp sound like the string section of an orchestra,
tuning instruments before a concert.
And the stars twinkle above, so much like her grape-shaped earrings.
1966
Draft translation: December 19, 2017
David Lehman is the author of several collections of poems and books of criticism and is also known as a prominent editor, teacher, and literary critic.
WHEN A WOMAN LOVES A MAN
David Lehman, b. 1948
When she says margarita she means daiquiri.
When she says quixotic she means mercurial.
And when she says, "I'll never speak to you again,"
she means, “Put your arms around me from behind
as I stand disconsolate at the window.”
He's supposed to know that.
When a man loves a woman he is in New York and she is in
Virginia
or he is in Boston, writing, and she is in New York, reading,
or she is wearing a sweater and sunglasses in Balboa Park and he
is raking leaves in Ithaca
or he is driving to East Hampton and she is standing disconsolate
at the window overlooking the bay
where a regatta of many-colored sails is going on
while he is stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway.
When a woman loves a man it is one ten in the morning
she is asleep he is watching the ball scores and eating pretzels
drinking lemonade
and two hours later he wakes up and staggers into bed
where she remains asleep and very warm.
When she says tomorrow she means in three or four weeks.
When she says, "We're talking about me now,"
he stops talking. Her best friend comes over and says,
“Did somebody die?”
When a woman loves a man, they have gone
to swim naked in the stream
on a glorious July day
with the sound of the waterfall like a chuckle
of water rushing over smooth rocks,
and there is nothing alien in the universe.
Ripe apples fall about them.
What else can they do but eat?
When he says, “Ours is a transitional era,”
“that's very original of you,” she replies,
dry as the martini he is sipping.
They fight all the time
It's fun
What do I owe you?
Let's start with an apology
Ok, I'm sorry, you dickhead.
A sign is held up saying “Laughter.”
It's a silent picture.
“I've been fucked without a kiss,” she says,
“and you can quote me on that,”
which sounds great in an English accent.
One year they broke up seven times and threatened to do it
another nine times.
When a woman loves a man, she wants him to meet her at the
airport in a foreign country with a jeep.
When a man loves a woman he's there. He doesn't complain that
she's two hours late
and there's nothing in the refrigerator.
When a woman loves a man, she wants to stay awake.
She's like a child crying
at nightfall because she didn't want the day to end.
When a man loves a woman, he watches her sleep, thinking:
as midnight to the moon is sleep to the beloved.
A thousand fireflies wink at him.
The frogs sound like the string section
of the orchestra warming up.
The stars dangle down like earrings the shape of grapes.
If we repeat the life rule that I gave in the previous article, a woman can be friends with a man, a man 
just never "friends" with a woman. In other words, a man-friend for a woman is something that does not exist in the world, and if it does, then it is such a rarity like a “snowman”, which everyone has heard of, but no one has seen.
But what to do if the "friendship" drags on? What to do if a male friend has been “friends” with a woman for many months or even years and does not make any attempts to translate the relationship into a deeper one? (Of course, if a woman wants it).
A little history at the beginning.
An old Indian is talking to a young one. They sit at the same time on the shore of a beautiful lake. The young Indian asks: "Did you love someone very much"? The old Indian, of course, waited a while and took a few puffs on his pipe before answering. (This is how old Indians are supposed to behave, not jerks. You need to pretend that you think, even if you know the answer in advance).
So, the old Indian, taking a drag on his pipe several times, began to say:
- Once, when I was 16 springs, I often came to the shore of this lake. And somehow, on the hill that you see in front of us, I saw a beautiful girl. She stood there, looking at the lake and the sun. At this time, the wind developed her long beautiful hair. And the sun was shining, and her young body could be seen through the dress.
I fell in love with this girl without a memory. All the time I thought and dreamed about her. I began to come to the shore of this lake more often, and the girl also came several times, and I looked at her. It was the strongest and only love in my life.
Having told his story, the Indian fell silent, put on a mask of indifference over his face, as befits an old Indian, and continued to smoke his pipe.
The young Indian, as a young Indian should, listened to this story without interrupting. When the old Indian stopped talking, he sat patiently without asking. But five minutes passed, then some more time, and the young Indian realized that the story was over.
Then, overcoming the Indian traditions that do not allow men to show excessive curiosity, he asked the old Indian: “And you approached the girl, met her”?
Old Indian said: “That was the strongest love, because I didn’t approach the girl.”
This is a completely real story that I heard several times from the Indians. (Don't ask just where I found two Indians in Russia).
Well, if it’s more serious and closer to the point, then what does this story have to do with translating the protracted “friendship” between a man and a woman into a deeper relationship? The most direct. In the life of almost every man there is such a story.
At some age, men do not need real love and a real relationship with a girl. He has enough fantasies and sometimes see his "love". I conditionally call such relationships “on the mountain”. (That is, seeing a girl somewhere there, on a mountain, is enough for a man).
Of course, a man begins to grow up, both in terms of his calendar age and emotional maturity, and he no longer understands why he needs a girl "on the mountain." He wants a woman who will be by his side, with whom he will build his family, etc. In a few years, even if he meets a girl "from the mountain", he may not show much interest in her.
However, not all men grow up in the same way as their calendar age goes, especially in our time. Men like to “get stuck” both at a certain age, or in a certain phase of a relationship, and in general in life.
And now this male friend is stuck in some phase of a relationship “on the mountain”, friendship, platonic love, or whatever you call it, it doesn’t matter. There are all signs of love. A male friend often thinks about his love. If he even has women, then only for sex, and then he breaks up with them quickly enough. If a man is not allowed to get too close (almost daily communication and visits to a woman's home), then he can significantly change himself, his character, achieve certain success in order to please this woman.
Everything is fine, only the relationship is not moving, even if the woman is not against further development.
There is a feeling that he even likes it there, “near the mountain”. A man-friend is “friends” with a woman, loves her (or so it seems to him), helps her and, it would seem, is pleased with everything.
However, is it a suitable model for a woman? For most, not so much.
Firstly,the presence of a male “friend” scares off 90% or even more boyfriends.
I am writing about this in detail in a new book. Explaining to other men that this is just a "friend" is useless. It is women who know that there is simply friendship between a man and a woman. Men (potential suitors) do not know this and will never believe, no matter how much they are assured.
Even for already more or less established relationships, the presence of a male friend is a decent danger. Absolutely unnecessary jealousy, quarrels, etc. will constantly arise because of such a "friend".
Secondly if a woman would like to transfer relations with a “friend” to deeper ones, then this is not so easy to do.
More precisely, if a man "friend" is friends with a woman for several weeks or a couple of months, then all right. Usually the transition is carried out without any problems. What if it's been months or years? Then the man is firmly stuck in some phase of the relationship and it is difficult to move him.
And most importantly, the presence of this seemingly loving man prevents a woman from living a normal life. A woman in this situation wants the relationship (man) to be somehow determined, either back or forth. That is, for a man to either leave, or begin to properly care. And then after all, if in such a situation you wait until the man decides, then you can grow old.
What to do in such a situation?
When I wrote the first part of this article, I mentioned the sign of "friendship". My main task was just to make women learn somewhere that men are not friends with women just like that. And knowing this sign already at the beginning of such a “friendship”, and in 99% of cases, a man’s attempts to get to know him better either sent him, or understood what exactly a man needed and, accordingly, would build his behavior.
However, letters come in where they ask me, what should I do if a male friend has already “hung” for several months or years in his “friendship” with a woman? What to do so that he begins to care, and the usual tricks do not work (coquetry, touching, etc.)?
The question is not as simple as it seems. My long life shows that not so many women managed to solve it successfully, despite the apparent simplicity. After all, it would seem that it is easier. A man loves a woman, a woman likes a man, they know how to communicate well and 90% is already done. Just a little bit left, the last throw and everything will be fine.
However, if you do not take into account very young men (who just grow up and naturally leave this phase), and male friends with whom they have been friends for only a couple of months, then it is usually easier for a woman to part with this man, then find a new one and build with him relationship anew.
From what did work, I will give just a couple of examples.
First reception - This is a sharp increase in distance.
Suitable only for those men who have probably not already settled in a woman's house. Such a man often communicates with a woman and a temporary break with him, perhaps (do not hope too much), can lead to some results. Approximate term of rupture of relations is 2-4 weeks. This time, do not communicate with a man at all, not by phone, not in person, not by e-mail.
Second reception is it shock or shock.
I am talking about this technique not because I am a supporter of its use in relations between people. I also assume that you have used all the soft means available before (coquetry, temporary breakups, touching, etc.).
However, sometimes nothing works. And the relationships themselves are not built, and the woman loses time, confidence and opportunities to meet other men. (As, however, time is lost also by the man).
In this case, the woman, in general, has nothing to lose. It is necessary to be determined by any means with a man either back or forth. For a man, any certainty is also better. (Usually, male friends suffer quite a lot and are jealous). And in this case, you can use a shake-up in a relationship. In any case, it will only get better. A man leaves - good, stays, and a relationship begins - also good. Nothing will happen for many years and everything is not there and not back - bad.
I repeat that the use of such techniques as shaking is highly discouraged in ordinary relationships, as it can lead to their break.
So how do you shake a male friend?
Option number one is to involve a man in solving some existing or imaginary crisis of yours. The attraction must be very active and forceful. That is, it is necessary that in order to resolve your situation, he needs not only to sympathize, but to look for huge (for him) money, try to ask for something or demand more than he was previously capable of, do something unfamiliar in a very forced mode, and etc.
At the same time, it is necessary not to reduce the enormous pressure from the man. Cry, tell him to do something (“Well, do something, you’re a man” and you can shake or cry at the same time). Do not lower the pressure for several days or weeks until the situation is resolved. Give him a call and ask how things are going. Do not try to do something yourself, your job is to cry and look with hope at a male friend and ask “What is there”?
Then, when the situation is resolved, then thank, hug. Say you didn't even know he was capable of that. If everything was done correctly and within 2-3 weeks the male friend did not do anything, then this is most likely a hopeless option.
Second option. Give him trouble.
Erase his favorite computer toy (unless it's really important), spill coffee on his papers, drop something heavy on his leg (in moderation, not breaking it), do something else. (I won’t give you more examples, otherwise you will say later that I provoke you to do bad things).
Then, together with the man (if possible), try to fix the troubles (without feeling guilty). Provide medical assistance (bring ice or something else), apologize, patiently endure a bunch of fair indignation of a man (most likely, you will learn a lot about your “male friend”).
Well, everything, I wrote how to deal with "hanging" men. I wrote even more than I wanted to.
In total, there are essentially three options. First- it's just to leave and look for a new man. Not as bad an option as it might seem. Second- this can simply enhance the feminine charm. Flirt, create situations with bodily contact, if communication is intense, then interrupt it for a while. But such behavior with men “stuck” for many months does not always work. Third option- it's a little shake up the relationship and the male friend. This option requires some self-confidence, the absence of fear of losing such a relationship with a man and a little fiction.
Take the option that suits you best, come up with your own (write to me about them and the results that you get) and you will definitely succeed.
Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.
We all read fairy tales about princes, books about knights and beautiful ladies, watched melodramas. But, as a rule, these models do not help much, they even sometimes prevent a girl from finding a life partner.
How to determine that a man is in love with you?
First, dear young ladies, remember: falling in love with a man is not a difficult task. No matter how cynical it may sound, they are all males by nature, they are not set to choose some ideal woman, they need all the females. Therefore, you do not need to be Miss World for a man to feel interest in you.
But this is not enough for girls, they do not agree to be one of a number of partners, they want, if not married, then at least hope for a long-term monogamous union. They do the right thing, because their natural essence pushes them to this. But marrying a man is much more difficult ...
Biologists have noticed that throughout the animal kingdom, the choice of a partner is determined by the female. As a rule, this is exactly what happens among people. Therefore, if you like a young man, do not even doubt that he likes you.
Let's take a closer look at how a man in love behaves.
As a rule, falling in love, a man begins to behave more actively, he demonstrates himself as a successful male - this is inherent in nature, and our female essence succumbs to this with pleasure. We are also pleased when our companion has a high status, when he behaves confidently and is recognized by others. If you notice that your gentleman is lying, praising himself - do not hesitate, he likes you very much, but, of course, be more careful with him.
He gives expensive gifts, spends a lot of money on you, demonstrating his high position in society. A man in love shows miracles of ingenuity, boldly behaves, and everything to impress the lady of the heart. But this does not mean at all that he will continue to be a romantic and a dreamer ... He subconsciously feels that every woman expects such behavior from him.
And if a man is indifferent?
If it seems to you that your man is behaving strangely, not showing any attention to you, this does not mean at all that you are not attractive to him. The fact is that not everyone of the opposite sex succumbs to the call of nature. As a rule, these are more reasonable intelligent representatives of the stronger sex, they can simply consider all these “marriage games” beneath their dignity. They consider the “candy-bouquet” period to be useless nonsense, and your desire to receive gifts can be interpreted as greed.
Do not be offended, this does not always mean that you have come across a miser and a "cracker". Usually such a man behaves in a completely different way. He is set for a serious, long-term relationship, he chooses not a girlfriend for one night, but a wife! But this is what we need, so help him.
Do not overplay, do not pretend to be touchy - with this you can scare your chosen one in love, pushing him away. But do not be too accessible, let the initiative come from him, this will increase his self-esteem, give confidence in the future. Appreciate every manifestation of the attention of such men, because it is sincere.
As you have noticed, the behavior of modern people is still largely controlled by the most ancient instincts. No wonder, because love is a basic need of every person. We do not advise you to be too tormented by questions about how they behave and how the behavior of men or women in love changes. Love each other, enjoy moments of intimacy and pay less attention to stereotypes!
Male friend? Or love on the "mountain"
This article is a continuation of the article “How to understand that he likes you”, so I recommend that you read it first, otherwise it may not be clear.
If we repeat the life rule that I gave in the previous article, a woman can be friends with a man, a man just never "friends" with a woman. In other words, a man-friend for a woman is something that does not exist in the world, and if it does, then it is such a rarity like a “snowman”, which everyone has heard of, but no one has seen.
But what to do if the "friendship" drags on? What to do if a male friend has been “friends” with a woman for many months or even years and does not make any attempts to translate the relationship into a deeper one? (Of course, if a woman wants it).
A little history at the beginning.
An old Indian is talking to a young one. They sit at the same time on the shore of a beautiful lake. The young Indian asks: "Did you love someone very much"? The old Indian, of course, waited a while and took a few puffs on his pipe before answering. (This is how old Indians are supposed to behave, not jerks. You need to pretend that you think, even if you know the answer in advance).
So, the old Indian, taking a drag on his pipe several times, began to say:
- Once, when I was 16 springs, I often came to the shore of this lake. And somehow, on the hill that you see in front of us, I saw a beautiful girl. She stood there, looking at the lake and the sun. At this time, the wind developed her long beautiful hair. And the sun was shining, and her young body could be seen through the dress.
I fell in love with this girl without a memory. All the time I thought and dreamed about her. I began to come to the shore of this lake more often, and the girl also came several times, and I looked at her. It was the strongest and only love in my life.
Having told his story, the Indian fell silent, put on a mask of indifference over his face, as befits an old Indian, and continued to smoke his pipe.
The young Indian, as a young Indian should, listened to this story without interrupting. When the old Indian stopped talking, he sat patiently without asking. But five minutes passed, then some more time, and the young Indian realized that the story was over.
Then, overcoming the Indian traditions that do not allow men to show excessive curiosity, he asked the old Indian: “And you approached the girl, met her”?
Old Indian said: “That was the strongest love, because I didn’t approach the girl.”
This is a completely real story that I heard several times from the Indians. (Don't ask just where I found two Indians in Russia).
Well, if it’s more serious and closer to the point, then what does this story have to do with translating the protracted “friendship” between a man and a woman into a deeper relationship? The most direct. In the life of almost every man there is such a story.
At some age, men do not need real love and a real relationship with a girl. He has enough fantasies and sometimes see his "love". I conditionally call such relationships “on the mountain”. (That is, seeing a girl somewhere there, on a mountain, is enough for a man).
Of course, a man begins to grow up, both in terms of his calendar age and emotional maturity, and he no longer understands why he needs a girl "on the mountain." He wants a woman who will be by his side, with whom he will build his family, etc. In a few years, even if he meets a girl "from the mountain", he may not show much interest in her.
However, not all men grow up in the same way as their calendar age goes, especially in our time. Men like to “get stuck” both at a certain age, or in a certain phase of a relationship, and in general in life.
And now this male friend is stuck in some phase of a relationship “on the mountain”, friendship, platonic love, or whatever you call it, it doesn’t matter. There are all signs of love. A male friend often thinks about his love. If he even has women, then only for sex, and then he breaks up with them quickly enough. If a man is not allowed to get too close (almost daily communication and visits to a woman's home), then he can significantly change himself, his character, achieve certain success in order to please this woman.
Everything is fine, only the relationship is not moving, even if the woman is not against further development.
There is a feeling that he even likes it there, “near the mountain”. A man-friend is “friends” with a woman, loves her (or so it seems to him), helps her and, it would seem, is pleased with everything.
However, is it a suitable model for a woman? For most, not so much.
Firstly, the presence of a male “friend” scares off 90% or even more boyfriends.
I am writing about this in detail in a new book. Explaining to other men that this is just a "friend" is useless. It is women who know that there is simply friendship between a man and a woman. Men (potential suitors) do not know this and will never believe, no matter how much they are assured.
Even for already more or less established relationships, the presence of a male friend is a decent danger. Absolutely unnecessary jealousy, quarrels, etc. will constantly arise because of such a "friend".
Secondly if a woman would like to transfer relations with a “friend” to deeper ones, then this is not so easy to do.
More precisely, if a man "friend" is friends with a woman for several weeks or a couple of months, then all right. Usually the transition is carried out without any problems. What if it's been months or years? Then the man is firmly stuck in some phase of the relationship and it is difficult to move him.
And most importantly, the presence of this seemingly loving man prevents a woman from living a normal life. A woman in this situation wants the relationship (man) to be somehow determined, either back or forth. That is, for a man to either leave, or begin to properly care. And then after all, if in such a situation you wait until the man decides, then you can grow old.
What to do in such a situation?
When I wrote the first part of this article, I mentioned the sign of "friendship". My main task was just to make women learn somewhere that men are not friends with women just like that. And knowing this sign already at the beginning of such a “friendship”, and in 99% of cases, a man’s attempts to get to know him better either sent him, or understood what exactly a man needed and, accordingly, would build his behavior.
However, letters come in where they ask me, what should I do if a male friend has already “hung” for several months or years in his “friendship” with a woman? What to do so that he begins to care, and the usual tricks do not work (coquetry, touching, etc.)?
The question is not as simple as it seems. My long life shows that not so many women managed to solve it successfully, despite the apparent simplicity. After all, it would seem that it is easier. A man loves a woman, a woman likes a man, they know how to communicate well and 90% is already done. Just a little bit left, the last throw and everything will be fine.
However, if you do not take into account very young men (who just grow up and naturally leave this phase), and male friends with whom they have been friends for only a couple of months, then it is usually easier for a woman to part with this man, then find a new one and build with him relationship anew.
From what did work, I will give just a couple of examples.
First reception - This is a sharp increase in distance.
Suitable only for those men who have probably not already settled in a woman's house. Such a man often communicates with a woman and a temporary break with him, perhaps (do not hope too much), can lead to some results. Approximate term of rupture of relations is 2-4 weeks. This time, do not communicate with a man at all, not by phone, not in person, not by e-mail.
I am talking about this technique not because I am a supporter of its use in relations between people. I also assume that you have used all the soft means available before (coquetry, temporary breakups, touching, etc.).
However, sometimes nothing works. And the relationships themselves are not built, and the woman loses time, confidence and opportunities to meet other men. (As, however, time is lost also by the man).
In this case, the woman, in general, has nothing to lose. It is necessary to be determined by any means with a man either back or forth. For a man, any certainty is also better. (Usually, male friends suffer quite a lot and are jealous). And in this case, you can use a shake-up in a relationship. In any case, it will only get better. A man leaves - good, stays, and a relationship begins - also good. Nothing will happen for many years and everything is not there and not back - bad.
I repeat that the use of such techniques as shaking is highly discouraged in ordinary relationships, as it can lead to their break.
So how do you shake a male friend?
Option number one is to involve a man in solving some existing or imaginary crisis of yours. The attraction must be very active and forceful. That is, it is necessary that in order to resolve your situation, he needs not only to sympathize, but to look for huge (for him) money, try to ask for something or demand more than he was previously capable of, do something unfamiliar in a very forced mode, and etc.
At the same time, it is necessary not to reduce the enormous pressure from the man. Cry, tell him to do something (“Well, do something, you’re a man” and you can shake or cry at the same time). Do not lower the pressure for several days or weeks until the situation is resolved. Give him a call and ask how things are going. Do not try to do something yourself, your job is to cry and look with hope at a male friend and ask “What is there”?
Then, when the situation is resolved, then thank, hug. Say you didn't even know he was capable of that. If everything was done correctly and within 2-3 weeks the male friend did not do anything, then this is most likely a hopeless option.
Erase his favorite computer toy (unless it's really important), spill coffee on his papers, drop something heavy on his leg (in moderation, not breaking it), do something else. (I won’t give you more examples, otherwise you will say later that I provoke you to do bad things).
Then, together with the man (if possible), try to fix the troubles (without feeling guilty). Provide medical assistance (bring ice or something else), apologize, patiently endure a bunch of fair indignation of a man (most likely, you will learn a lot about your “male friend”).
Well, everything, I wrote how to deal with "hanging" men. I wrote even more than I wanted to.
In total, there are essentially three options. First- it's just to leave and look for a new man. Not as bad an option as it might seem. Second- this can simply enhance the feminine charm. Flirt, create situations with bodily contact, if communication is intense, then interrupt it for a while. But such behavior with men “stuck” for many months does not always work. Third option- it's a little shake up the relationship and the male friend. This option requires some self-confidence, the absence of fear of losing such a relationship with a man and a little fiction.
Take the option that suits you best, come up with your own (write to me about them and the results that you get) and you will definitely succeed.
Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? This question is the subject of numerous polls, disputes, psychological studies and soulful bachelorette parties. Psychologists, for the most part, are inclined to believe that a male friend does not exist in nature, and if something like this can be found, then this is some kind of anomaly, or intentions misunderstood by a woman. Who is he, male friend where the "legends and myths" about this incredible creature come from, will try to figure it out Women's magazine Charla.
In no case do we want to go against venerable psychologists and challenge their competent opinion. However, rumors that a male friend exists do not give us rest, and we would like to understand this issue.
Indeed, is it bad to have such a man at hand? He is unobtrusive and at the same time will come at the first call. He is an interesting conversationalist and a smart adviser. He does not need to be persuaded to help with the housework, and he does not require compensation. In the end, he can brighten up our loneliness and become a companion at the event during the period of "temporary downtime".
But psychologists do not give us a chance to believe in sincere friendship between a man and a woman. They say that a male friend is an ordinary applicant and contender for sexual relations ... he just got stuck in the very first phase for some reason.
That is, you need to understand that if there is a man next to you whom you consider just a friend, you should know that he has not friendly thoughts at all. Why he cannot get off the ground, and how to push him, we will not figure it out: our story is not about that.
Let's try to compile an unofficial list of men who, for one reason or another, can be perceived by a woman as male friend.
Here we propose to include just those men who from the very beginning had quite definite intentions, but then for some reason slowed down and remained in the position of a friend for many months, or even years. Moreover, women themselves often feel that such a friend is far from having a comradely attitude towards their person and even try to get things off the ground themselves. If the relationship has developed not so long ago, then the woman has a chance to take them to a new level, but if the friendship has been going on for years, then it is unlikely. Well, why not friendship? No, experts say. Friendship excludes sexual relations, obligations, joint plans for life, etc. And a man in this situation, although he does not admit it, in his heart hopes for all this.
Here we propose to place men who have known us since time immemorial. Probably, many women have such a childhood friend with whom they played catch-up, climbed on the roof to sunbathe, etc. Subsequently, your paths diverged, but you are pleased to meet from time to time in companies and recall past adventures. Isn't that an option male friend? No, psychologists say. Friendship implies regular and constant communication, and not meetings from time to time in common companies. If the relationship is regular, then see type 1 - it's just that we think that he is a friend, but in fact ....
Notorious and weak-willed men, in other words, typical henpecked men, often fall into the category of a male friend. He behaves like a true friend - ready for anything, demanding nothing in return. In addition, such men have one charming feature: they usually do not have their own opinion, if it contradicts yours. Psychologists, of course, will again begin to hint at hidden desires, but we know that such a subject most often, even if he has some other idea about your friendship, is so spineless that he is unlikely to be fully aware of these desires.
male friend unconventional sexual orientation. Why not? By the way, we do not know the opinion of experts on this matter, but it seems that they have come up with some kind of challenge for this category of men. For example, that it is impossible to say with certainty that this is a man and something else like that. We know cases when such men really became good friends. Another thing is that sometimes they behave exactly like your girlfriend when she is hysterical. And the “serious candidate” looming on the horizon, who does not need any options for a male friend, is unlikely to be happy with such an acquisition.
This seems to be the most suitable candidate for the position. male friend. We are talking about a man of venerable age, who, perhaps, remembers you from childhood, knew your daddy and now gives you all kinds of support. Especially if such a man does not have his own family or children.
Here, of course, if you wish, you can also find a lot of pitfalls, but we are more pleased to assume that the elder male friend really friendly with us disinterestedly. Well, maybe he loves, but like a father ... and a friend.
Former. That says it all. This may be a man with whom it all started a long time ago, from the very beginning it looked like a friendship, then, finally, it grew into something more, and again returned to normal. This happens quite often, and, probably, many women have such cases in their “history” when intimate relationships did not work out, and it would be unforgivable to lose sight of such a person. And of course, we already hear psychologists screaming about ulterior motives and hidden hopes. But we believe - no: everything has already been, passed and finished. Only good relations remained, the desire to communicate and help as far as possible.
By the way, sometimes an ex-husband becomes such a male friend if the separation happened by mutual agreement and passed without incident. From here we move on to the next type.
Married man. Married male friend- a good option if you need it for help with the housework or promotes a career and has a gentle other half. Such friendship initially implies the absence of any obligations, common plans for life, etc. But here again “psychologists” come forward. Don't be naive, they say. Such friendship, even if it starts innocently, can later lead to "unexpected" results. That is, either male friend suddenly decides that you need him more than your wife, or you decide to test your feminine charms on him, and ... he decides that you need him more than your wife.
In general, as we said from the very beginning, our list cannot be taken as some kind of official study, supported by scientific facts and information. We just tried to find out which men, according to women, fall under the definition of a male friend. But who knows, maybe a male friend really exists in nature, as a kind of species still unknown to harsh psychologists.
How to Deal with a Scorpio Woman
If you noticed a girl and now you constantly think about her, not even suspecting that you are already in love with her, then most likely she is Scorpio according to the horoscope. The Scorpio girl has powerful energy and spiritual potential, she is mysterious and mysterious, and therefore is able to "bewitch" men at first sight. Once you fall in love with her, don't even try to forget her. The Scorpio girl is quite resourceful in the art of loving and keeping men. You can love her to the point of madness and hate her, but you will never leave her and leave her first. Therefore, Scorpios are considered the most fatal and passionate coquettes. And this means that if you start courting a Scorpio girl, immediately be ready for a serious and long-term relationship.
If she decides that you are the guy she needs, then you won’t be able to escape from her tenacious hands. Such instruments of influence as love, passion, mystery, tenderness, weakness, femininity and understanding without words will be used. However, do not expect that she will tolerate a worthless and indifferent man next to her. With such representatives of the strong half of humanity, Scorpios very quickly end all relationships themselves. The Scorpio girl is quite capricious and loves everything to be the way she wants. She will never express in person what she thinks about you, and if you offend or insult her with something, she will remember this for a long time and plan revenge. Do not be surprised if, while communicating with her, she will remind you of past grievances. Also, when trying to start a conversation with her, you should not insist on your opinion or joke inappropriately. She will immediately "sting" you with her sharp tongue and leave without even saying goodbye to you.
Representatives of the Scorpio sign are proud and narcissistic. They do not accept criticism and gossip addressed to them, but they highly appreciate kindness, sincerity and care. Therefore, in order to please a Scorpio girl, one must prove to be a devoted friend who knows how to keep other people's secrets, demonstrate decency in relationships and the ability to support in difficult times. At the same time, the appearance of a guy is of great importance for her, she does not accept excess weight and groomed facial skin even in men. The Scorpio girl is very worried about her physical form, she is ready to do any sport to fight overweight. And therefore, among the numerous suitors, she will choose a guy who has a toned figure, excellent taste, self-confidence and intelligence. Therefore, in order to please a Scorpio girl, it is best to fall in love with some kind of sport and, when meeting, enthusiastically tell her about how interesting you are spending your free time from study or work.
Conversations about computer games and TV programs annoy her, but stories about skiing and swimming in the pool will make you the object of her love. However, you should not wait for the Scorpio girl to come up to you and offer friendship. The initiative should come from you, a sense of pride does not allow her to be the first to approach the guy, even if she really likes him. The social status and security of a guy for a Scorpio girl mean nothing. The main thing is that the guy should show himself as a purposeful and hardworking person. However, the girls of this sign themselves are full of energy and are able to overcome any difficulties. Only some representatives of this sign may have problems associated with their inner world, which has been embedded in them since childhood. The Scorpio girl, who grew up in love and care, has a high sense of self-worth and persistently goes to achieve her goal.
If Scorpio has complexes due to improper upbringing, then she is prone to suffering and doubts, which makes her try all the time to look better than she is and takes her away from her desired goal towards deception. In this case, the Scorpio girl is too disciplined and clean, which she requires from others. All these complexes only grow over the years, as a result of which she cannot use her strengths, which are inherent in her nature and suffers from unfulfillment.
Do not rush to invite a Scorpio girl on a date if she still does not know anything about you. She does not like to communicate with unfamiliar people, she is not interested in empty talk and noisy parties. Her character is secretive. Even those who already consider themselves her friend or girlfriend cannot boast that they know everything about her thoroughly. She has been following a guy for a long time who shows interest in her and will never agree to meet dishonorable and boorish men.
A Scorpio girl in love is capable of deep feelings and devotion. She understands her partner perfectly and creates harmony in all areas of life. She has the patience and wisdom to resolve difficult issues and conflict situations in a peaceful way. Emotions are important to Scorpios during their life together, although they are also not indifferent to material things. They like men who give expensive gifts and flowers, invite them to rest in distant lands, but they themselves never cheat on their partner without a serious reason.
Man and woman are created for each other by a higher power. And they can be happy together for the reason that they are created that way - to give each other happiness. There are some that don't match. And which ones are suitable? In the state of humanity in which we are today, that is, the animal part of us is more significant, this determines attraction. If there is attraction between you, and first of all it concerns a man, secondly - a woman, if there is attraction between you, then you can build a crazy happy relationship.
But they are being built, they will not be on their own. Animal nature binds you with passion, unmistakable passion. Not out of friendship, not out of calculation, but out of love, that is, out of attraction. He is ready to do anything for her, and her legs give way, as soon as he appears next to her. And now we feel so good together under the covers. But not for long, up to three years. And then the human component within us should create these relationships, that is, emotional, sensual connection, deep, mutual, intellectual kinship, spiritual one-pointedness. General intelligibility, that is, learning, should be. Human level connection.
And when you manage to create this human level of connection on the basis of three years, as necessary as the animal, but human, then when the animal passion begins to let go, the quality of your intimacy and your relationship does not change “worse or better” - it becomes different . Continues to make you desirable to each other, but on a different level. Not a projection of passion, smell, but a projection of emotional connections created on the basis of passion. They continue to keep you together, qualitatively changing sexual relations, but not worse, and maybe even better. It's already different. Moreover, it can otherwise be much deeper than the fundamental animal passion.
But the fact is that we are so satisfied with passion, it seems to us that everything is fine and that it will be like this forever (this is such a false state of eternity - happiness is eternal), that it doesn’t even occur to us that we need to work on human relationships, because animal passion for smells gradually ends, and then more human relationships come into force. This includes sexuality if they are built. And if not built, then woke up in the morning - two strangers. The attraction is gone - everything! What are we doing here? Who is she? Who is he? What are we doing next?
Previously, people were brought together by a child in order to continue the relationship. Today the child does not unite. Marriage has ceased to have the value it had before. There is a search for new forms of relations. The range of sexual acceptability is endless. What I want, I do in paired relationships - I go out, I go in, I go out, I quit, I leave. Nobody will judge. On the contrary, I am a free person, I do what I want, at the expense of others. Therefore, there will be no relationship if they are not built. And they are built on attraction. But while it's a process, keep that in mind.
