A former hostage rescue specialist explains how to get anyone on your side.

Photo: Duncan Odds/Flickr

Mark Goulston has done a lot of role-playing games over the past two years. He portrayed a suicidal police officer holding a gun to his neck and threatening to pull the trigger. The training was attended by FBI agents and police officers, whose task was to dissuade him from committing suicide.

“At the end of the game, I would pull the trigger and then explain what needed to be asked or said to get me to back down,” explains Goulston, a former FBI agent and hostage rescue specialist. Today Goulston, business consultant and author of the bestselling book “I Hear Right Through You. Effective Negotiation Techniques” uses in its trainings for managers of large corporations such as GE, IBM and Goldman Sachs the experience gained while working in the FBI.

Goulston shared with Business Insider some tips on how to get people—clients, colleagues, employees, or even bosses—to do what you want.

1. They should talk

After you've asked for something—or subtly hinted that you'd like it—stop and let the person say whatever they want. "Once he starts talking, he'll discover the urgency of what you're asking him to do," Goulston explains. The person will decide for himself that he needs to do what he is asked to do, without your persuasion. If you're the only one doing the talking, people will simply not pay attention to what you're saying, or they'll perceive it as if they're being given instructions, and they won't want to do what you want.

2. Pay attention to adjectives and adverbs in your interlocutor’s speech

“An adjective is a way to decorate a noun, and an adverb is a way to decorate a verb. And both of these parts of speech characterize the emotional background of your interlocutor,” explains Goulston. After the other person has spoken—even if they've asked you a question—pause and instead of responding, respond with, “Hmm...” (This will signal that you heard them and are thinking about what they said.) And then say something about the adjective. or adverbs used by the interlocutor.

This will help you understand what is really important to him, and will encourage the other person to pay more attention to the negotiations, which means he will be more interested in helping you.

For example, if someone talking to you uses the adjective “wonderful” in relation to some solution option and then asks you a question, try to respond like this: “I can answer your question, but first tell me about this wonderful option.” This will force the person to open up to you on a deeper level than when you simply answer a question. “The more your partner opens up to you, the more closely they will listen to what you have to say,” says Goulston.

3. Encourage “fill in the blanks”

“When you ask someone a question, you immediately trigger unconscious memories of how they were once put in a difficult position by their parents, teachers, or coaches, and thereby put yourself in opposition to the interlocutor,” says Goulston. Then the person reflexively steps back.

To avoid this, insert your own questions or ask them to “fill in the blanks,” Goulston advises. For example, when you ask the question “What will you do about situation X?”, you seem to be implying: “You better know the answer, otherwise...” This provokes confrontation. It’s better to ask in a different tone - “I want to know”: “And are you planning to do something about this...?”

With this approach, you involve the person in the sentence you say, rather than asking a question that pushes the other person to think that you are against him.

4. Refer to Positive Memories

Believe it or not, almost every time you ask a person to do something, you are triggering unconscious memories. “And the trick is to launch the positive ones, not the negative ones,” advises Goulston.

If a person associates your request with something positive, they will be more inclined to comply with it. Goulston once asked one of his clients why she chose him over a female trainer. She replied: “You are like an older brother to me, who protects me, smart, funny and slightly irreverent - and when you point out to me something that needs to be changed in my life, instead of arguing, I listen to you and go contact, because I feel love and warmth in your words.”

5. Don’t pull the blanket over yourself

A good way to get people to do what you want is to make them feel important. People are divided into two categories, says Goulston: some, sympathetic, develop the words of the interlocutor and add something to them, while others pull the blanket over themselves and either seize the initiative to talk about themselves, or try to put themselves above the interlocutor. “Well, it looks like you had a good trip to Florida. But we went to Fiji.”

The former make the interlocutor feel that his words are important, while the latter leave the impression that they are listening only in order to speak up themselves, or even to belittle the person.

For example, a sympathetic person will say: “What a cool idea! Smart and creative. We might even go ahead and do X if you think it would work.” And the one who pulls the blanket over himself will answer: “You have a good idea, but I actually already told the boss my version, and he liked it, so it’s probably better to do as I suggested.”

6. Focus on the future

People don't like criticism. They become defensive when you address situations in which they failed, Goulston says. So if you want a person to act differently in the future, don't dwell on the past. It’s better to say: “I would like to say that in the future I would be very grateful if you could do this and that, it would be very useful for the whole team.”

Sometimes the success of our endeavors largely depends on our ability to convince people to accept our point of view.

But, unfortunately, this is not so easy to do, even if we have truth and common sense on our side. The ability to persuade is a rare but very useful gift. How to convince a person? Persuasion is a way of influencing people's consciousness, directed towards their own critical perception.

The essence of persuasion is to first achieve internal agreement with certain conclusions from the interlocutor using logical argumentation, and then, on this basis, create and consolidate new ones or transform old ones that correspond to a worthwhile goal.

Persuasive communication skills can be learned both at various trainings and on your own. The principles and techniques of persuasive speech given below will teach you the ability to persuade, and they are equally effective in persuading one person or an entire audience.

A clear understanding of your own intentions

In order to change or shape the opinions of people, or in order to induce them to take any action, you yourself need to clearly understand your intentions and be deeply confident in the truth of your ideas, concepts and ideas.

Confidence helps to make unambiguous decisions and implement them without hesitation, taking an unshakable position in assessing certain phenomena and facts.

Structured speech

The persuasiveness of speech depends on its structure - thoughtfulness, consistency and logic. The structured nature of speech allows you to explain the main points in a more accessible and understandable way, helps to clearly follow the intended plan, such speech is better perceived and remembered by the listener.

Introduction

An effective introduction will help to interest and attract a person’s attention, establish trust and create an atmosphere of goodwill. The introduction should be brief and consist of three or four sentences indicating the subject of speech and telling the reason why you should know what will be discussed.

The introduction sets the mood and tone of the speech. A serious beginning gives the speech a restrained and thoughtful tone. A humorous beginning sets a positive mood, but here it is worth understanding that starting with a joke and setting the audience in a playful mood, it will be difficult to talk about serious things.

It must be understandable, clear and meaningful - persuasive speech cannot be incomprehensible and chaotic. Break down your main points, thoughts and ideas into several parts. Consider smooth transitions that show the connection between one part of the speech and another.

• statement of facts that can be verified;
• expert opinions, judgments of people with authority in this field;
• , revitalizing and explaining the material;
• specific cases and examples that can explain and illustrate facts;
• description of your own experience and your theory;
• statistics that can be verified;
• reflections and forecasts about future events;
• funny stories and anecdotes (in a small dose), meaningfully reinforcing or revealing the points in question;
• literal or figurative comparisons and contrasts that illustrate statements by showing differences and similarities.

Conclusion

The conclusion is the most difficult and important part of a persuasive speech. It should repeat what was said and enhance the effect of the entire speech. What is said in conclusion, a person will remember longer. As a rule, it is at the end, along with a summary of what has been said, that a call to action sounds, which describes the actions and behavior of people necessary for the speaker.

Evidence-based arguments to support your idea

For the most part, people are rational and rarely do anything that is not beneficial to them. Therefore, in order to convince a person, you need to find good arguments explaining the justification and expediency of the proposal.

Arguments are thoughts, statements and arguments used to support a particular point of view. They answer the question of why we should believe something or act in a certain way. The persuasiveness of a speech largely depends on the correctness of the selected arguments and evidence.

What should be the criteria for evaluating and selecting arguments:

1. The best arguments are those that are supported by solid evidence. It happens that a speech sounds convincing, but is not supported by facts. When preparing your speech, make sure your arguments are sound.
2. Good arguments must be intelligently and concisely built into the proposal. They shouldn't sound out of place.
3. Even if your argument is well supported and justified, it may not be accepted by a person. People react differently. For some, your facts and arguments will sound convincing, while others will not consider the arguments you used to be the main ones for assessing the situation. Of course, you cannot know for sure what impact your argument will have on the person being persuaded, but you can at least approximately guess and estimate what the result will be based on the analysis of the personality (audience).

To ensure that you present a truly compelling case, you should ask yourself at least three questions:

1. Where did the information come from, from what source? If evidence comes from a biased or unreliable source, it is best to either exclude the evidence from your speech or seek confirmation from other sources. Just as one person's words are more trustworthy than another's, so some printed sources are more reliable than others.
2. Is the information current? Ideas and statistics should not be outdated. What was true three years ago may not be true today. Your generally persuasive speech may be questioned due to one inaccuracy. This should not be allowed!
3. What relevance does this information have to the case? Make sure the evidence clearly supports the arguments you are making.

Presenting information and formulating goals with a focus on attitudes and audiences

An attitude is a stable or predominant feeling, negative or positive, associated with a particular issue, object or person. Usually people verbally express such attitudes in the form of opinions.

For example, the phrase: “I think that memory development is very important both for everyday life and for professional activities” is an opinion that expresses a person’s positive attitude toward developing and maintaining a good memory.

To convince a person to believe, you first need to find out what positions he occupies. The more information you gather about it, the better your chances of making a correct assessment. The more experienced you are in the field of audience analysis, the easier it will be to make your speech persuasive.

The attitudes of a person or group of people (audience) can be distributed on a scale, from openly hostile to extremely supportive.

Describe your audience as: having a negative attitude (people have a completely opposite point of view); does not have a clear opinion on this matter (listeners are neutral, they have no information); positive (listeners share this point of view).

The difference of opinion can be represented in this way: hostility, disagreement, restrained disagreement, neither for nor against, restrained favor, favor, exceptional favor.

1. If the listeners completely and completely share your opinion, understand what you are talking about and agree with you in everything, then you need to adjust your goal and concentrate on a specific plan of action.

2. If you think that your listeners do not have a definite opinion on your topic, set the goal of convincing them to act by forming an opinion:

• If you believe that your audience doesn't have a point of view because it's uninformed, then your first priority is to give them enough information to help them understand the point, and only then make compelling calls to action.
• If the audience is neutral in relation to the subject, it means that it is capable of objective reasoning and can perceive reasonable arguments. Then your strategy is to present the best arguments available and back them up with the best information.
• If you believe that those listening to you do not have a clear position because the subject is deeply indifferent to them, you must direct all efforts to move them from this indifferent position. When speaking to such an audience, you should not focus their attention on the information and use material that confirms the logical chain of your evidence, it is better to focus on motivation and address the needs of the listeners.

3. If you assume that people disagree with you, then the strategy should depend on whether the attitude is completely hostile or moderately negative:

• If you assume that a person is aggressive towards your goal, it is definitely better to go from afar or set a less global goal. It makes no sense to count on persuasive speech and a complete revolution in attitude and behavior after the first conversation. First, you need to change your attitude a little, “plant a seed,” and make you think that your words have some kind of importance. And later, when the idea settles in a person’s head and “takes root,” you can move forward.
• If a person has a position of moderate disagreement, simply give him your reasons, hoping that their weight will force him to take your side. When talking with negative people, try to present the material clearly and objectively, so that those who slightly disagree will want to think about your proposal, and those who completely disagree will at least understand your point of view.

The power of motivation

Motivation, which initiates and guides behavior, often arises as a result of the use of incentives that have a certain value and significance.

The impact of an incentive is greatest when it is part of a meaningful goal and indicates a favorable reward-cost ratio. Imagine asking people to donate a few hours to participate in a charity program.

Most likely, the time you convince them to spend will not be perceived as an incentive reward, but as a cost. How to convince people? you can present this charitable work as a significant incentive that provides rewards.

For example, you can make the public feel the importance of the cause, feel socially responsible, people with a sense of civic duty, feel like noble helpers. Always show that the incentives and rewards outweigh the costs.

Use incentives that match people's basic needs, they work better. According to one popular theory of needs, people express a greater propensity to act when a stimulus offered by the speaker can satisfy an important unmet need of the listeners.

Correct manner and intonation of speech

Persuasiveness of speech and the ability to persuade presupposes the rhythmic and melodic structure of speech. Speech intonation consists of: sound strength, pitch, tempo, pauses and stress.

Disadvantages of intonation:

• Monotony has a depressing effect even on a person who has the ability to listen and does not allow him to perceive even very interesting and useful information.
• Too high a tone is annoying and unpleasant to the ear.
• Too low a tone can cast doubt on what you are saying and convey your disinterest.

Try to use your voice to make your speech beautiful, expressive and emotionally rich. Fill your voice with optimistic notes. In this case, a slightly slower, measured and calm pace of speech is preferable. Between semantic segments and at the end of the sentence, clearly pause. And pronounce the words inside the segment and small sentences as one long word, together.

It’s never too late to start developing your voice and diction, but if you want to convince someone who knows you well, sometimes it’s better to speak in a tone that’s familiar to you, without experimenting. Otherwise, those around you may think that you are not telling the truth if you speak in a tone that is uncharacteristic for you.

All people are different, and everyone has the right to their own point of view - this, or almost so, says the philosophical wisdom known for centuries. They say you need to accept a person’s right to be themselves and think in their own way. However, it is extremely difficult to come to terms with this fact. It’s one thing when the question concerns fairly neutral questions like “what kind of music do you like” or “what is better: comedies or action films.” But the situation changes dramatically if your opponent’s opinion influences the joint decision. For example, in the case of concluding contracts. And simply in cases where it is fundamentally important to convince a person that you, and not he, are right!

In order to convince a person that you are right, it is enough to know a few ways to win the interlocutor over to you.

1. Be sincere. Even if everything is boiling inside you, you must maintain calm and composure, otherwise persuasion methods will not work. Smile broadly and carelessly, no need to get under your opponent’s skin, loosen your grip. Do not pretend that you are absolutely indifferent to the outcome of the negotiations - because this is not the case. Just be open and willing to talk.

2. Before you believe that your proposal or point of view is exclusively correct, clearly believe it yourself. This is so, and it cannot be otherwise.

3. Let the person know that you respect him and his point of view. Intersperse your beliefs with neutral remarks. Insist, but with a smile. And agree with him. Take it for granted: your interlocutor is (most likely) not a stupid person. His point of view is also worthy of respect! The question, by and large, is not how to convince a person, but how to make him want to accept your point of view.

4. Impose your pace on your interlocutor. However, you should not do this abruptly and rudely. You need to be on the same page. But how! It is important that your pace is picked up by the interlocutor, and not vice versa. To do this, after the phrase he says, speak at exactly the same pace as him (slowly or quickly), and at the end of the phrase, be sure to increase or slow down the tempo. Thus, you not only create conditions for negotiations that are convenient for you, but also subconsciously make it clear to your opponent that he is playing by your rules.

5. Speak the same language. Before you convince a person to buy something from you or accept your terms, stand in his place: would you take something that is being so diligently “peddled”? Hardly. However, talk about benefits that interest your interlocutor. And it doesn’t matter whether you are selling something or simply convincing a friend of the correctness of your ideas, make it clear that you hear him, listen and, generally speaking, mean the same thing! So you “turn around” to the interlocutor and he, willy-nilly, has to give up his defensive position.

6. Don't be boring. Whatever the dispute is: an attempt to sign a business contract on favorable terms or to convince a friend that your favorite film is better than his - there is no point in throwing around facts alone. If the person in front of you is erudite and passionate, he may well bombard you with facts that indicate the opposite. So you can prove something for a very long time and prove nothing in the end. Agree with him, balance.

7. Provide your arguments in the form of questions. It's paradoxical, but it works. Let's say you and a friend are arguing about whether a certain actor's role in a given film is the peak of his career. Are you sure that yes, it is. Ask the question: "Can you name the films released during that year in which he performed better?" And the friend will think a little... The protection is partially broken.

6. Overcoming resistance. If you successfully managed to overcome the previous stages, you will notice that the person has “thawed out” and become more complacent and disposed towards you. In other words, some of the barriers to his resistance have been overcome. How to convince a person that you are right? Build questions in such a way that the interlocutor answers “yes”. Ask emotional questions, provide a comfortable environment.

The veil has now been lifted somewhat on the mystery of how to persuade people.

Your whole life is an attempt to convince someone of something.

Convince the beauty that it is worth sleeping with you.

Convince your boss that he should pay you more.

Convince the client that you should give money.

Convince the teacher to give you a test. And so on and so forth.

Give me any area where - and I will tell you that you will need the art of persuasion in it.

This is one of the most important skills you can develop.

I recently read the best book on how to persuade people.

And no, this is not Robert Cialdini.

Almost no one knows about his books, and no one knows that the art of persuasion is a simple thing.

If you know these prohibited ways of influencing people during communication, then it will be easier for you to succeed.

Why are they “forbidden”?

Do you want to master the methods of psychological influence of real sectarians?

These are the methods used by charismatic leaders to build totalitarian empires and by crazy gurus to force people to commit mass suicide.

The book is called “Forbidden Keys to Persuasion.”

Blair Warren says we all have hidden addictions.

These are desires that haunt a person throughout his life. He wants to satisfy these desires no matter what.

Cults and dictators used these methods to ingratiate themselves and control people.

And if we are not aware of them, then we leave ourselves at the mercy of fate and those people who are ready to take advantage of them.

Warren said that every person has seven hidden addictions. And a person will do anything to satisfy these addictions.

Most of this article is written as a translation. I tried to translate this masterpiece as accurately as possible.

So if you want to know how to convince people to do what you want, here are seven forbidden ways...

7 Prohibited Ways to Persuade People

1. People need to feel needed.

The cult leader, standing in front of future adherents, senses that one woman is not ready to join the sect.

He instantly stops talking to the entire group and turns his full attention to the woman. He praises her intellectual abilities and skill in making connections in society.

“These are truly rare abilities,” he assures her, and tells her how much the group needs the help of people with such outstanding qualities.

The woman smiles and, blushing, thanks the leader for the compliment. She soon becomes a fully involved cult member.

Give the person the feeling that they are truly needed. Not because you are desperate, but because he is special and you will give him one of the greatest gifts on earth.

One former cult member put it this way: “I was fed worship; food of the gods."

How to use this method:

1. Emphasize the importance of the role
2. Openly admit that your request will require sacrifice (effort) on his part.

Read above for an example of such a psychological belief.

Keep in mind that the request you are asking to be fulfilled should not be significant.

She just has to seem significant to another person.

2. When people are stuck, they will do anything to get a feeling of hope.

It doesn't matter if you know how to help and solve a person's problem.

All sorts of gurus provide feeling of hope without necessarily keeping their promises.

You can see this in business courses.

They say: “You will create a business in 3 days on our course.”

And I honestly don’t know a single person who would do this.

But they provide hope on the fact that the person will also be the boss, and therefore they are swimming in money.

They use phrases that persuade.

It’s the same with fortune tellers, mediums, and psychics.

They don't change absolutely nothing In human life, but they give him hope.

Think for a second how much of our lives we spend searching for answers to our problems.

Go to a bookstore and look at the “How to [make friends/influence people/make money]” section and the “self-help” section.

In moments when there is no hope, we are vulnerable to anyone who can give us this most important element of our lives.

To master this method of persuasion, we must stop and ask ourselves: “What are other people's problems? What circumstances do they want to get out of? How can agreeing with my proposal rekindle their hope?

Scammers give people hope for financial freedom. Cults offer adherents a solution to all their problems.

What sense of hope can you offer to those you want to persuade?

3. People need a scapegoat.

Nobel Prize winner Elias Canetti, in his book Crowds and Power, says that one of the surest ways to keep a certain group alive is to focus their attention on another group of people whom they see as their enemies.

In other words, the crowd needs a scapegoat.

You might have seen how federal television is trying to focus attention on the “bad Americans.”

This is just one of the methods of psychological influence.

When we feel that something is wrong with us, . Why?

Because this “wrong” threatens our psychological stability.

And there is no faster way to restore stability and a sense of security than to find out that the cause of our problem lies outside of us.

Our problems lie in the scapegoat.

How to use this idea ethically? Very simple.

We must understand that the scapegoat should not be a person or a group of people.

The scapegoat must be an opposing force to be effective.

For example, it could be an idea, a philosophy, or an unfortunate set of circumstances that cannot be controlled.

One landscape designer said that when he first meets potential clients, they are often embarrassed by the condition of their property.

He tells them that drought and poor soil conditions are to blame.

That is, he found a scapegoat. It’s not people’s fault that their land is in this condition!

And when he began to shift the blame from the owners to poor conditions, the number of customers increased.

Find a way to shift responsibility - and the person will be more receptive to your proposal.

4. People need to feel like they are noticed and understood.

When cult members were asked why they joined the cult, they responded that for the first time in their lives they felt like they were being paid attention to and understood.

That's why teenagers from good families can unite into gangs, subcultures, groups.

They want attention and understanding.

Don't underestimate this important method of persuasion.

5. People need to know things others don't know/things they shouldn't know.

Do you want to know the secret? You're not alone.

The idea of ​​learning something that few people know, or learning something you shouldn't know, is extraordinarily tempting.

Many cult leaders claim to have secret knowledge.

They say they have connections with mystical sources of knowledge. They can summon spirits, communicate with aliens, and they have solved the mystery of human cloning.

The power of mystery is all around us, waiting for us to use it.

What is there in your product, service or idea that has shades of secrecy or mystery?

When you discover this, you will have another powerful resource for persuasion.

6. People need to feel they are right.

How to convince a person to do what you want?

Let him feel that he is right.

Abraham Lincoln asked his son, “If you call a tail a leg, how many legs will a dog have?”

The answer, according to President Lincoln, was not five, but four, since calling a tail a leg does not make it one.

At the same time, such logic is the last thing needed in .

If a friend, girlfriend, or anyone else calls the tail a leg, then a sure way to lose favor is to say that the person is wrong.

Often we will get nothing out of it and the person will not suffer for his mistake, but we still feel a burning desire to correct him.

Because it already comes into force our need feel right.

How to apply this in life?

How do you get a person to change their mind, but still allow the person to be right?

Here are two simple but absolutely effective strategies.

First, put aside the question being raised, without showing that you are doing it.

I once heard a three-hour radio show with a guru who was attacked by almost every caller. “You’re a swindler,” they said. "Your philosophy does more harm than good."

The Guru fought off their attacks with magical words. These are the words:

“Your point of view is justified. I understand your position. You have raised an important point. I'm glad you asked this question."

He used these and similar expressions before he began to speak about his position.

If you look closely at these phrases, you will notice two things:

1. Phrases do not say that a person is wrong

Many of us would say things like, “It’s a shame you think that way, but you’re wrong,” or “That’s completely wrong.”

You said you were right and the other person was wrong. Now it's a fight between two egos and someone has to lose. Both often lose.

1. Phrases express agreement with a person

“Your point of view is justified” - what does that even mean?! Nothing. But it sounds like agreement.

The same goes for “I understand your position.” This doesn't mean I accept it, just that I understand it.

Callers' defenses dropped and persuasion became possible.

What is the result?

Almost every caller calmed down, and some even apologized for the misunderstanding.

This is the first way - to express agreement and put the conflict aside.

The second way is to use a scapegoat.

When you simply need to correct a person, show him that he is to blame for his mistake not him, but the scapegoat.

This way you won't make the person wrong.

You do another man wrong. The one from whom he received the information initially.

It is always easier to admit that someone else is wrong than to accept that we ourselves are wrong.

7. People need to feel empowered.

People don't resist change. They resist being changed.

At the heart of this resistance is the need for one's own power.

When this feeling is threatened, we often resist new ideas and proposals that we would otherwise welcome.

So the question is: how can we strike a balance between providing a person with a sense of power and still convincing the person that we are right?

Here's how sects and cults deal with it:

Instead of deny another person's sense of power emphasize his.

They say that a person is always free, and that they do not take this right away from him.

To join or not to join, to participate or not to participate is his and only his decision.

Thus, when an adept doubts his allegiance to the sect, a simple reminder that he joined voluntarily often makes all doubts evaporate.

This is a risky method.

When you emphasize a person's voluntary choice, you seem to be inviting him to reconsider, and he may refuse.

But while this is risky for the persuader, it is often more effective than alternative methods.

The ability to choose not only gives a person a sense of power, but also increases the sense of obligation to make a perfect choice.

Conclusion and testing of methods

You will have several tasks to practice these techniques.

First, look for examples of these seven methods of persuasion in your daily life, where they can be applied to convince a person.

Second, choose a personal or professional relationship that you want to improve, and.

You shouldn't add something to a relationship that isn't there. There is no need to artificially create situations that fit one of the seven methods.

Instead, you should listen to the person and try to determine which of the seven needs is driving him.

If you can determine it, you can use it.

Often tapping into these hidden needs of a person is the fastest way to build deep relationships.

But don't take my word for it.

Look around and see for yourself!

Let's recap what we learned today:

1. People need to feel needed

How to use this method:

1. Explain the situation as a whole. What's at stake? What is the problem?
2. Explain the specific role the person may play in the situation.
3. Emphasize the importance of the role
4. Note why the person is uniquely suited to the role.
5. Openly admit that your request will require sacrifice on his part.
6. Ask if you can count on him

1. When people are aware of a dead end, they will do anything to get a feeling of hope

How to use: Evoke a feeling of hope.

1. People need a scapegoat

How to apply: Blame someone or something else for their problems and wrongs, not them.

1. People need to feel like they are being paid attention to and understood.

How to apply: provide support, tell/show that you understand them.

1. People need to know things others don't know/things they shouldn't know

How to use: show the person that you can tell him some secret, a secret that almost no one knows.

1. People need to feel they are right

How to apply: do not say that the person is wrong and express agreement, and only then try to convince.

Say what it is, he was misinformed by another person/source, i.e. use a scapegoat.

1. People need to feel empowered

How to apply: emphasize that you are not forcing anyone to do anything, and the person makes his choice voluntarily.

That's all, friend.

I hope you enjoyed this little-known masterpiece of the art of persuasion.

I'm only halfway through the book and maybe I'll find something even cooler.

Think about these methods. You will realize that either you used them unconsciously or they were used on you.

These are methods that we regularly use in our lives, and especially the leaders of sects/cults like to use these methods.

If you master these methods perfectly, you will significantly improve your life and be able to convince people that you are right.

Now go and improve your life.

See you later.

Vlad Makeev.

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Instructions

Ask permission before you start begging and cajoling. If the interlocutor has time to listen to your question. This will emphasize your respect for your interlocutor, his employment and free time.

Persuade, unpredictable. Surprisingly, this is... Moreover, it is much more difficult to refuse an eloquent and slightly impudent person. Use polite words: “Please,” “Thank you.” Always express your gratitude after you have achieved your goal.

Smile. Be cheerful, smiling and charismatic. A good mood will help you achieve more than you think. People will enjoy you, thinking little about what you say, while accepting your point of view quite naturally.

Do something for the person before you try to persuade him. Sometimes it is very difficult to refuse someone who has already done something for you. Moreover, make it a good habit to do good. It always comes back.

Show your interlocutor all the benefits of your idea. If possible, tell us how its implementation will correspond to his interests. This allows you to gain close attention from your opponent.

Try not to be obvious in your persuasion. Smoothly guide your interlocutor towards your goal. You will be more persuasive if your audience doesn't know you're trying to persuade them.

Persuade, but be prepared to refuse. Oddly enough, if you are internally ready to hear “no,” then most often you will be answered “yes.” If this attitude is difficult for you, just imagine what could happen if you were refused? It's enough to graciously accept a refusal, because it means that when you ask again, the answer will most likely be yes.

Be honest. Honesty is a very disarming quality. If you openly admit that you, for example, ask and persuade solely for your own benefit, people are able to react to this. Sincerity is so unusual and rare that the person being persuaded unexpectedly agrees and helps.

The most important thing is to stop in time. Your opponent may find your blandishments annoying and you boring. If you are considered annoying, it will be almost impossible to achieve your goal.

note

Lies and exaggerations are never a good way to persuade, although sometimes they are quite effective. Remember, the person you're talking to is not stupid, but if you think you can cheat without him knowing about it, you deserve everything you get.
Don't give up abruptly and without a fight. This makes your opponent think that you are weak, and next time it will be much more difficult to convince him of anything.
Don't be hysterical and conflictual in your persuasion. Even the most whiny children do not achieve their goal using this method. If you are even a little irritated or upset, take a break, drink a cup of tea, think about your arguments. Or even return to your persuasion the next day.

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• persuade a person to do

To successfully convince someone that you are right, you first need to sincerely believe in it yourself. This is the initial rule of any persuasion technique, because if you yourself do not believe in what you are going to prove to others, your words are unlikely to sound convincing.

Instructions

Eye contact with the object of belief is also required. If your interlocutor averts his eyes, you need to do the same, in the same direction (just catch his gaze again and try to hold it).

Talk to your . For example, if your opponent is about to take a breath, you need to start speaking using reasons and facts. This will force your opponent to at least listen to you (a cultured one will not interrupt), and then everything depends on you.

Your posture also plays an important role in the persuasion process; stay straight, look into the eyes - be open to communication. You should not shift from foot to foot, slouch, look at the floor - all this speaks of your uncertainty and inability to convince.

Convincing others requires knowledge and understanding of their position on the topic. Be able to comment on possible objections and questions during the conversation, supporting them with arguments and facts.

Under no circumstances should you lose self-control if your opponent seeks to actively challenge you verbally or with gestures. Stay calm and confidently continue to express your opinion. Remember, if you show your anger and respond to your opponent using his own methods, consider that you have lost.

During the conversation, give as many reasons as possible. They can be real stories with witnesses, dates, numbers, names, information resources, videos and photographs. Facts must be presented directly, without trying to obscure reality.

Video on the topic

Helpful advice

To successfully prove something to someone, during a conversation you need to repeat your arguments and arguments several times.

Persuasive speech, accompanied by expressive nonverbal components, is an entire art, mastery of which is useful not only for psychologists, but also for everyone who strives to achieve success in communication. However, even without spending a lot of time studying the encoding and decoding systems adopted in a particular society, you can use simple techniques to make a person believe you.

Instructions

Focus on eye contact. People are aware that averting their eyes is evidence of lying. But this leads to the fact that staring too closely at your interlocutor makes him feel insecure and suspect you of insincerity. Don't confuse him by drilling too much. It is enough to maintain contact, from time to time leaving your counterpart without constant visual supervision.

Be calm and confident. The interlocutor should not get the feeling that you are trying to put pressure on him. The truth should not need an abundance of evidence and arguments. The more persistent and persistent you are, the more you try to influence your interlocutor, the faster more and more new, sometimes even absurd arguments replace each other, the more likely you are to be suspected, if not of deception, then at least of being yourself. not very sure of the veracity of the message being conveyed.

Be natural. You should not give the impression of a person who has any other goals than just communication. Even if you knowingly provide false information, try to forget about it. Maintain your usual manner of communication, especially if you are talking to someone close to you. Don't fill your speech and movements with symbols that are considered "persuasive"; they can attract attention and make people think that you have a reason for using them.

Avoid intruding into your speech words that would emphasize that you are telling the truth. This can again have the effect, at least on a subconscious level, that the person will begin to suspect you of