“Yesterday is already in the past. Tomorrow hasn't come yet. Available only today. Now." - a surprisingly simple theory, right? And an equally complex practice... We live here and now, but we are completely unaware of it. We operate automatically. It’s all because, oddly enough, of goals. Too many goals. An endless race with no hint of a finish.
Have you ever heard the question that is now so popular in various types of personal effectiveness training: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”? Have you set your expectations for yourself? Have you outlined the five-year plan by years, months, weeks? If not, did you at least feel guilty for not being able to force yourself to live the way smart people say?
Stephen M. Shapiro, author of the book Life Without Goals, believes that the approach to setting and achieving goals practiced by modern people, although it allows you to achieve what you want - it would be foolish to deny this, but brings many problems.
Stephen is a former goalaholic and, as he thought, a “man of goals.” One day he lost everything. Peace, family, work and hope for the future. I fell into a vicious circle of career goals and accumulation of material wealth and could not get out of it. Sank to the very bottom.
To find himself again, Stephen sold his property, moved out of his apartment and went on a 20,000 km road trip. This journey and more than 150 interviews conducted along the way became the source of a new philosophy for him. The philosophy of “life without goals” is here and now, inspiring millions of people around the world for 10 years now.
To illustrate that subordinating oneself to goals is a detrimental thing, the book provides very revealing statistics, for example:
- 41% of Americans say that after achieving their goal in life, they felt disappointed rather than happier. Even the wealthiest people say this:
- almost every fifth American has lost a friend, loved one, family, directing all his efforts only to achieve his goal;
- 36% of Americans admit that the more goals they set for themselves, the more stress they experience;
- 76% of respondents say that despite all their success, they often feel like something is missing in life.
America, and there is no secret about this, is setting records for the consumption of various types of antidepressants.
While reading the book, you never cease to feel that everything that is written in it is very familiar, but is just presented in a different way. By and large, we are talking about the “here-and-now” theme, which became popular in the West under the influence of the ideas of Eastern philosophy. Only here this topic is covered from a practical side - this is the main, in my opinion, value of the book.
Active people are divided into two types:
The first - let's call them “goal people”— plan all the time, focus on specific results and get very nervous when something doesn’t go according to plan. They believe that they will become happy only after they “buy”, “learn”, “trade”, “get rid of”, “finish”, “provide for” something (insert your word).” It’s as if they are putting off life for later again and again, wittingly or unwittingly. As soon as one goal is achieved, a dozen more manage to appear in its place.
Most of us live in “people of purpose” mode. Most often, imposed. Whatever the source of the goal conveyor is - family, friends, colleagues, social networks, the media - we are in voluntary captivity. In dreams of the expected tomorrow or with regret about what was not achieved yesterday.
The second and still very rare type is “people without a goal”. They don't want to follow a clear route. The journey itself brings them joy. They love what they have and therefore enjoy life every day. Without chasing time, without unnecessary stress, without straining your strength. Their approach is to be happy right today, at this very moment. They don’t just observe moments rushing from “tomorrow” to “yesterday”, but pass the threads of time directly through themselves. Breathe through “now.”
We are all different. If you truly enjoy planning every day and every hour, you shouldn't give up this lifestyle. You may be one of the few conscious “people of purpose.” But if you feel increasing pressure and emptiness from the intense rhythm, if energy is constantly running out, if there is no desire to act despite the external shine of the goals in front of you, it’s time to try something new.
In short, life without goals is not irresponsibility towards oneself, laziness or amorphousness. And this is not a signal to indulge in alcoholism, aimless TV watching or partying - such activities will not fill the void. A life without goals is a life without their burden, but with a direction of movement. This is an active activity, a search for something that will warm your soul for more than a few hours. You don't need to throw away all your notebooks and diaries, but everything should have boundaries. Choose a reasonable scale and don't blame yourself if something goes wrong. Have not goals, but aspirations! Erase all the “shoulds” and focus on your dreams.
Try these principles of living without goals:
- Live in such a way that it is a joy
To live without goals, you need to give meaning to every day you live. Do what you like, what is pleasant, fill your time with special and exciting events. Don't exist - live! It doesn't matter what tomorrow will be like. Appreciate what you have today, enjoy every moment.
- Follow the compass, not the map
Set the direction of your life based on your aspirations and passions - let this be your compass. But don’t try to plan your whole life and avoid making categorical decisions. Let there always be an opportunity to change the path, stepping in the right direction.
- Don't be afraid to take a wrong turn
In reality, there are no right or wrong decisions. There are simple solutions. There are no failures either - only opportunities for personal growth. If you feel like taking a turn doesn't make sense, think of it as a chance to have a new experience.
- Look for adventure
Make your life unusual and unexpected even for yourself. Change places of residence and work, try to do something new. Explore and improvise!
- Always be prepared
Opportunities await us around every corner, but we are not always ready to accept them. Look around carefully and you will see something you never noticed before. More often than not, the most important signs are right under our noses.
- Be a magnet that attracts people
There is no need to plan your acquaintances, the main thing is to go to places where there are people.
When you communicate with people, share with them, talk about your aspirations. Sometimes life changes dramatically thanks to those people from whom you least expect it.
- Admit that you are imperfect
Everyone has sides that they strive not to show to the world. But don't try to fight yourself and look perfect. Identify your weaknesses and look at them as a source of strength. Your flaws are the parts of your personality that make you unique.
- Don't focus on a specific result
Act without being attached to the result, maintain emotional independence. Don’t strive for big money, bring value into this world yourself, help others. The world and people themselves will reciprocate your feelings.
Don't worry if you can't apply all eight principles right away. Start with what's easier for you, but don't stop there. Take at least one step every day, and one day your life will become absolutely happy without any effort.
You should maintain emotional independence - you should not worry about whether you can, in principle, achieve what you are attracted to. According to the author, this secret is the most difficult to follow. In Eastern philosophy, it is believed that not being attached to the result is, in general, one of the main keys to a successful life.
These are the secrets. In the book they are revealed in sufficient detail, and all this is illustrated by the experiences of various people.
All eight secrets boil down, in my opinion, to one idea - that you need to live in the present moment, without becoming attached to the result of your activities. Without being attached to tomorrow, to plans, to goals. By the way, this approach to life is quite natural for children.
By the way, how can you tell if you are remaining detached? By the absence of negative emotions and, accordingly, by the presence of positive emotions. For example, you calmly accept a situation when the goal is not achieved. Or when someone has achieved more than you. Or when achieving a goal took more time/effort. Or, finally, you restrain your internal rejoicing when your neighbor’s cow died :)
In general, it is appropriate to note that goalaholics, as S. Shapiro calls them, are people for whom achieving goals is in the subcortex. A person who is too serious in life is a goal-aholic. As well as a principled person, tough, boring, irreconcilable. As well as someone who likes to give advice or, God forbid, someone who will break into pieces but will make you happy.
Will you succeed? Don't know. It seems to me that this requires a certain transformation of the mind and just reading one book may not be enough. But, in any case, I’m sure the reading will be, at a minimum, fascinating.
In the modern world, it is accepted that a person must strive for something, have a goal, and achieve it. But in the flow of information, sometimes there are quiet and modest questions about how to live without a goal and whether it even happens that the man had no purpose. Today we will look into this issue.
Life without a goal. Does this happen? Happens. It happens that a person has neither a global goal, nor even a small and modest one. From childhood we learn something. First we learn to sit, then walk, read and write. But having reached the age of 25, the body no longer physically grows and a person is given the right to decide for himself what to strive for, what to study, what to achieve. And there are two ways.
There are people who take an active life position. they have aspirations, goals, desires to achieve, self-actualize, travel, and so on. And the second way is based on a model of behavior imposed by society. That is why people are divided into those who lead, are ambitious, know how to achieve goals, and those who follow, ready to fulfill other people’s goals and live by other people’s rules.
And now the question is, how can a certain person deal with the fact that he has no goal and how to live without a goal? It's simple. If a person is happy, if his life model suits him, then reading the text further is basically pointless. If the model of his life, his ambitions do not allow him to agree with a purposeless life, then here are some tips.
Life Expectations
The life expectations of any person are prototypes of future goals. Even if there are no dreams and plans to conquer the world, there are life expectations. So pay attention to them. If I ask you what you want to see yourself like in 5, 10 years. You will probably answer, slim, well-groomed, young. Does your body and overall image currently correspond to this? Are your expectations met? If you're young and fit, then probably yes. Now ask, what will happen to the body in 20 years with the current lifestyle? If expectations are not met, then you know what needs to be done now.
Life's work
In order to understand the purpose in the work of life, it is important to decide on the work of life. Ask yourself questions about what you like to do, what gives you pleasure, what field of activity is close to you. Look for an opportunity to realize yourself, look for your purpose.
Financial independence
How many sources of income do you have? What happens if one runs out? Will your situation and quality of life change? How much do you need to earn for your financial situation to remain unchanged? How to achieve such a state? Here's some food for thought about your goals. Thanks to the answer to all these questions, you will find your meaning in life and your purpose in order to live, and not think about problems, about every piece of bread.
At the Unified State Examination, an unhappy schoolboy, searched to the point of his underpants, is asked to write an essay on the topic “Is it possible to live without a goal?” Naturally, the graduate, as taught at school, writes all sorts of rubbish in the style of “I think it’s impossible, because...”. Well, why? Because they say you can't? Well, if a person does not have a goal in the global sense of this word? After all, if a person does not have a global goal to make the world a better place, but he just wants to live for his own pleasure, then what is he now, not a person?
Let's say that from birth we do not strive to quickly become a person - everything is comprehended gradually, over time and without clear awareness. If a person is happy, if his life model suits him, then looking for a goal is absolutely pointless. This model is based on life expectations, and this has nothing to do with plans to conquer the world. I just want to live. Live happily and not disturb others. If you ask: “Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?”, you will answer: “Healthy, rich and happy.” And this is quite adequate. But the majority still create goals for themselves, most often imposed: they say, they need to unlearn, get married, be baptized, fast and have a mistress, so that they don’t think badly. Whatever the source of the conveyor belt of goals is - family, friends, colleagues, social networks, the media - we are in voluntary captivity: in dreams of the expected tomorrow or with regret about what was not achieved yesterday.
People without a goal do not want to follow a clear route. The journey itself brings them joy. They love what they have and therefore enjoy life every day. Without chasing time, without unnecessary stress, without straining your strength. Their approach is to be happy right today, at this very moment. They don’t just observe moments rushing from “tomorrow” to “yesterday”, but pass the threads of time directly through themselves. Breathe through “now.”
Spit on the norms of thinking
Other people's goals are for everything to be beautiful and expensive. How petty this is! Your task is to put your huge device on the accepted norms of thinking and beautifully, with the grace of a ballet dancer, spitting on everyone, like Evgeny Panasenkov, to do what you consider necessary.
Live in such a way that it is a joy
To live without goals, you need to give meaning to every day you live. And to do this, you need to fill your days with things that you really like. Of course, within the limits of the law and not bordering on common sense. It is desirable that these very actions give you a feeling of completeness. To do this, you don’t have to run across the road when it’s red—it’s enough to do pleasant things. What will happen tomorrow will happen tomorrow. For now, relax and have fun.
Not everything goes according to plan
Let the direction of your life be set only by your interests, and not by what is fashionable, profitable and approved by your parents. And please don’t think that everything has to be clear, specific and understandable. Because this is the framework into which you drive yourself. And over the course of our lives, we change preferences and expectations a hundred times, and then we fall into hysterics because everything turned out a little differently than expected. And if after 12 years you have not become the richest doctor, then this is solely a problem of your self-esteem and expectations. After so many years, you have managed to understand that the only thing you have in common with medicine is the alcohol content, and you are quite happy with what you have now. Why be upset?
Don't be afraid to make mistakes
There really are no right or wrong decisions, success or failure. These measures are subjective, and people will hate you, whether you are successful or insignificant. If you wasted time on something not particularly necessary, take it as an experience, not a set of rules.
Don't sit in one place
For some reason, it is generally accepted that if a person under the age of 28 moves from place to place, then he has an eccentric nature, he himself is not serious, and treating him as an equal is a stupid idea. On the other hand, why has filling life with impressions become criminal? Well, you didn’t get a job in a large company, but you have money! And you have seen more than some: there are enough impressions for the entire Prikubansky district of the city of Krasnodar. On the contrary, don’t sit still, do new things, and you will always have time to live, grow old and turn sour like shit.
Look how many opportunities there are around
When we focus on the damn goal, we don't notice the opportunities that are scattered here and there, like hiding places in Wolfenstein. You set a goal to become a mechanic and you don’t notice how many options there are to make money without leaving home. I just spread my arms, and they jump on their own, like prostitutes on the show “The Bachelor,” and little girls on Yegor Creed. The only thing that is required of you is to look around carefully.
Filter people
Do you have problems communicating with people? Too lazy to build bridges of love and friendship, to leave the house to meet somewhere/for some reason/with someone? Well then, relax and communicate only with those with whom you feel comfortable, in the manner that suits you most. Of course, no one has canceled the homespun truth that those people from whom you do not expect it radically change your life. But they still need to be found. Unfortunately, we spend too much time on unnecessary people. And if it is so difficult to socialize, choose the most convenient selection method. Simply by communicating in a comfortable manner, you will receive in your environment what you have been fighting for.
Be aware of imperfection
Don't try to look perfect. Identify your shortcomings and look at them as a source of life lessons. They are a part of you, even more than that beautiful creature who for some reason was nicknamed your “soul mate.” There is no need to flaunt your flaws, but it is also stupid to deny their presence. You fight them best only when you recognize and acknowledge them.
Don't focus on a specific result
Don't strive for any specifics, and you will be healthier. Do not strive for money, for a certain amount, but rather strive for comfort and prosperity. These are things of the same order, but in the first case you have a specific reason to cry, and in the second, you approach any problem philosophically.
The Art of Doing Nothing
But there is one big difficulty: in order to know this wisdom, you need to do nothing. Learn to be idle as much as possible! We sincerely hope that there are still more idlers. But don't think you can live your life lying on the couch. This is a measure to learn to relax and not look for the damn “purpose of life”.
Doing nothing at all (in the true sense of the expression) can be quite difficult. On the first try for sure. Actually, the command “do nothing” is already the goal. Therefore, start small - with 5-10 minute approaches of simply lying on the couch and contemplating the ceiling. Without TV and computers - after all, we write about serious things, and not about interviewers who have divorced on YouTube. That's all. Breathe deeply, relax and after that, after some time, try to just mindlessly look at things (a video or just out the window) that do not interest you in any way. Stupid and thoughtless. Because there is more meaning in this prostration than in the screams that you need to run somewhere.
It is important to find a comfortable place to do nothing. Once you find it, sit down and choose the most comfortable position. Make it a rule to squat and rest for at least 5 minutes. And it is advisable that you have a glass or plate with something tasty in your hand. The taste gives us almost more pleasure than what you immediately thought of. In the end, everyone has food, but what you thought about, alas, does not.
But the highest level of mastering the art of doing nothing is learning to combine it with everyday life. Try to just do nothing in the middle of the workday: look at people, look around and relax. And then you can do it in the workplace. It seems silly, but it gives maximum satisfaction and pleasure. You immediately see all the nonsense of vanity and imagine yourself as an old man, observing the planet since the time when it was a cloud of gas and dust, and during this countless time you have managed to be both God and someone worse than any worm.
