When mentioning a women's team, many imagine an unpleasant picture - snakes curled into a ball. This comparison is often justified, so learning to survive in a team is very important.
Any team is a living organism in which everything is possible: warm relationships, envy, and even tricks. In women's teams, conflicts often arise due to jealousy, so it is important for every girl to develop a competent strategy of behavior. Women's characters are contradictory and more emotional than men's, so it is important to be able to “merge” into the team. Seven effective tips will help you, which will give you the opportunity to work calmly and quickly adapt to a female team - without scandals, intrigues and gossip.
1. Be friendly and open
Remember that you come to work to work, and not to participate in intrigue and gossip. Your task is to maintain neutrality and follow the rules set by your superiors. Behave naturally, because the ladies around you will feel the falseness subconsciously. The team is unlikely to accept people who express too strong emotions or strong tension. Be yourself, but don't let your emotions take over your reason.
2. Don't be too explicit
Openness and frankness are different things. Yes, you should participate in conversations and discussions. However, remember that these are strangers in front of you, who do not necessarily need to know about your problems and shortcomings. Don’t give advice unless asked, and don’t dump a torrent of information about you on your colleagues. This way you can avoid gossip and negative attitudes towards yourself. Over time, you will understand with whom you can maintain friendly relations and share your thoughts, and with whom it is best to maintain a neutral conversation “about nothing.” There should also be no gossip on your part. In a women's group, any spoken word can acquire incredible details and become a reason for discussion.
3. Don’t abuse time off and sick leave
If you are often absent, your colleagues will have to do your work, but they also have their own things to do. It is unlikely that there will be a person who wants to do someone else’s work. If you need to be away, do the work in advance or agree with your boss about working off. The more work you do yourself, the less negative your co-workers will experience.
4. Don’t demonstrate your superiority to others
Even if your life is wonderful, you have people who support you, a wealthy husband and an excellent position in society, do not rush to boast about it. There are a lot of single women in women's groups who are not as lucky in life as you are. Do not accumulate negativity on yourself, because envy can develop into outright anger and the desire to “survive” you from work. Maintain neutrality. Just do your job and don't act like you have blue blood in your veins.
5. Be friendly
It is important to maintain relationships with colleagues for a good microclimate at work. Don’t refuse to go with them for a cup of coffee during your break, ask how their next weekend went. Sincere interest and a friendly attitude will help you win the trust of even the most intractable ladies.
6. Remember responsibility
Keep your promises and keep your word. If you approach the work irresponsibly, you will unwittingly let down the entire team. If your place is valuable to you, learn to be punctual so that your colleagues have no reason to treat you with some negativity. If you don’t understand something, be sure to ask for advice, because completing a task correctly and on time will add another “plus” to you in the eyes of the ladies around you.
7. Don't forget about your appearance
Ladies always closely evaluate the women around them, so you will have to try. In any group, people are greeted by their clothes, so avoid frivolity. You should look neat and businesslike so as not to attract undue attention to yourself. Do not forget that there will be no talk of any friendliness if your outfits cost fabulous money. The same applies to makeup, which should not be conspicuous. Too bright lipstick, aggressive manicure, a large amount of other decorative cosmetics will not work for your image. Modesty and natural beauty will be much more beneficial for you than the desire to stand out among your colleagues every day.
You will have a difficult journey ahead, but you can overcome any difficulties if you remain restrained. Cultivate willpower and earn a reputation through your actions and good work. The less you give reasons for gossip and condemnation, the more chances you have to work calmly in a harmonious team, even if it consists of women. Good luck and prosperity to you, and do not forget to press the buttons and
"HR service and personnel management of the enterprise", 2013, N 4
"LAWS OF THE JUNGLE", OR HOW TO SURVIVE IN A COLLECTIVE
A woman's destiny is to rule, a man's destiny is to reign,
because passion reigns and mind rules.
Immanuel Kant
Scientists are finding more and more differences between women and men. Although we all belong to the same biological species, these differences between the sexes are nevertheless very significant. How does this translate into teamwork? What mistakes should be avoided when working in all-male, or all-female, or mixed teams? In this article, we explore key success factors that are often forgotten. Simple recommendations will be useful for both the HR specialist and the manager to know what to pay attention to when creating an atmosphere in the team.
Many people, when applying for a job, are primarily interested in salary, job responsibilities, working conditions, etc. The issue of the gender composition of the team is rarely discussed when hiring. This is understandable: according to the Constitution of the Russian Federation, discrimination, including on the basis of gender, is prohibited. However, historically (not only in ours, but also in most other countries) that some positions are predominantly filled by people of one gender, and sometimes by a strictly defined gender, and nothing else.
For example, football is usually played by men, and women's football, although it exists, is not particularly popular. There are few women among ship captains; you will hardly meet a man who would work as a nanny in a kindergarten. Therefore, sometimes the existence of work teams where all employees are of the same gender is considered natural and does not raise questions. Sometimes this happens by chance or leadership. If there are no strict preferences based on gender, then which team should you choose? This is what we will talk about in this article.
Men's groups: brotherhood or rivalry?
A real man achieves everything through his own efforts.
Confucius (Kun Tzu)
The main difference between a man and a woman is well known: a woman’s task is to give birth and raise a child, a man’s task is to get food.
For your information. Approximately 105 boys are born per 100 girls, but this ratio changes with old age. In Russia, the average life expectancy for women is 73 years, and for men - 59 years. Indirectly, we can conclude that men are more willing to take risks; in order to achieve a goal, they are ready to do something that many women are unlikely to agree to.
Where are typically male groups traditional? This:
Work associated with difficult working conditions: polar explorers, geologists, etc.;
Work involving danger: security agencies, firefighters, etc.
From childhood, boys play their own games, which are different from those in which girls are interested. These are mainly team competitions in which the spirit of competition reigns: who is stronger and faster, who won and who lost. Women are naturally inclined to avoid things that involve a lot of risk (to raise a child). These differences are very important to understand.
The main characteristics inherent in men's groups:
Focus on achieving results (even at the cost of losses);
Competitive spirit;
Restraint in showing emotions;
Attention to large details;
Thirst for change;
The desire for material wealth (high salary).
For your information. In the USSR, men's salaries correlated with women's salaries in a 70/30 ratio.
All over the world, including in developed European countries, the ratio of incomes between men and women is almost always not in favor of the latter. This income inequality is due to the fact that women are more likely than men to agree to work for low wages, since they usually devote their time to family and children and only sometimes to their career. In the modern world, the situation is gradually changing, but in general, men earn more than women for similar work. In this regard, if monotonous work with small parts is required (for example, on a conveyor belt), then preference is usually given to women: they cope better with it and ask for less money.
In all-male teams, the spirit of competition is very strong. Men are constantly interested in questions: “Who is better?”, “Who has achieved great success?” Sometimes this competition becomes brutal - leaders begin to persecute those who are less successful. In some cases, such rivalry begins to harm the company, so a mixed team is more preferable for most organizations (unless there are restrictions on the work of women in a given industry).
Men are able to forget about their differences and about who is the best if the situation requires hard and coordinated work. But as soon as the pace drops, the competition with each other returns to normal. Therefore, even if the enterprise employs almost only men (for example, in the field of logging or car maintenance), a certain number of women (say, in accounting, the personnel department, the secretariat, etc.) makes the psychological climate much more stable.
How to behave in a men's team?
From childhood, men learn the public and unspoken rules of survival in a male environment, so these recommendations are intended mainly for women who find themselves in an all-male team. Below are some tips that you may find useful.
Be an expert. Since men are primarily focused on getting the highest possible salary, achieving ambitious goals and working in a team, they treat poorly those who (in their opinion) do not share these values. Women tend to focus on “maintaining relationships” instead of working. If a man is busy with work, extraneous conversations irritate him. A man expects high efficiency from a woman at work and only secondarily is he interested in everything else: what a woman looks like, what her mood is, etc.
Share interests. The topics that men and women like to talk about are very different. Men are irritated by endless conversations about children, discussions of issues that are incomprehensible or uninteresting to them (outfits, cosmetics, etc.). At the same time, men are more interested in politics, sports and technology than women.
Choose suitable clothes. Some women think that if they work in a male environment, then all they have to do is flirt and then a good career is guaranteed. However, what is appropriate at a disco or in a restaurant is not suitable for office work. Men notice how a woman is dressed, but if she is dressed tastelessly or inappropriately, they may not understand it. It’s unlikely that you want your colleagues to discuss the details of your inappropriate outfit behind your back.
Choose the correct position. Women often go to extremes: they become a caring “mommy” or try to become “their boyfriend.” It is important that men respect you, but at the same time you should understand that you yourself will never become a man.
The advantages of working in a male team for a woman, if she does everything right, are obvious. A woman who has found a common language with men is usually very happy with her work: she is respected and admired.
Women's groups: serpentarium or mercy?
All the arguments of men are not worth one feeling of a woman.
Voltaire, "Marie Francois Arouet"
There are many reasons why groups become all-female. Most often this happens “on its own”. Some specialties are of little interest to men. The main reasons for the lack of attention from the stronger sex are low wages, uninteresting or routine work, few prospects for career growth, etc. A purely female team does not have to be the shadow side of female nature (i.e., having all the shortcomings inherent in the “weak” floor).
Some women's groups (especially small ones) can resemble a circle of interests: flowers, fish and even hamsters. In such offices you can see everything that makes a woman's work as enjoyable as possible. Joint tea parties, wild celebrations of birthdays and other significant dates, conversations about children, household chores and increased attention to the personal lives of acquaintances - these are just some of the features that we all know well.
Typically, women's groups will be in the following areas:
Raising children (kindergartens, schools, libraries, etc.);
Services (salespeople, hairdressers, etc.);
Related to small routine work (assembling watches, sewing clothes, paperwork, etc.).
Girls play games in which relationships with other people are very important, often much more than achieving goals. Adult women at work tend to forget about their age and again turn into little capricious children: cry, throw tantrums, expect special treatment, take offense over trifles and expect chivalry and gallantry from the men around them. Individually, all this can be forgiven, but sometimes such manifestations of “femininity” at work become too much. In modern society, women are expected to do the same as men - high productivity.
For your information. Sociological surveys show that the average woman spends about 30 hours a week on household work, and a man only 14 hours (according to the Russian Monitoring of the Economic Situation and Health of the Population).
A woman’s workload with housework naturally affects her well-being and productivity. If a person does not rest for a long time, sooner or later chronic fatigue syndrome may develop, leading to an increase in the number of errors. Perhaps this is why it is predominantly men who work as air traffic controllers.
Conflicts, envy of colleagues and intrigue prevent a woman from resting and relaxing, even when she is on vacation. To overcome all these symptoms, it is useful to master methods of mental self-regulation, stress management, do yoga and develop your position in relation to other employees: not to participate in discussions of other people and not to talk too much about your personal life. At the same time, not sharing information with colleagues at all will not work - women do not understand this.
The main characteristics inherent in women's groups:
Increased emotionality, leading to conflicts;
Much attention is paid to relationships, sometimes to the detriment of work;
Tea parties, gossip and intrigue;
High loyalty to your organization;
Ability to perform small, painstaking work for a long time;
Process orientation;
Reluctance to take risks.
Women tend to be offended by what men consider to be small things that are not worth attention. If in a male team profanity sometimes plays the role of corporate language, then some women, hearing obscene language addressed to them, fall into hysterics, cry, and this unsettles them for some time. Women can be “friends against” someone; they unite and, instead of working, engage in discussion about those who did not please them in some way. However, there are other women’s groups where an atmosphere of goodwill, mutual understanding and kindness reigns.
For your information. Research by psychologists has shown that if only one man is “added” to an all-female team, women begin to dress more elegantly and their style of communication changes for the better. Therefore, it is desirable that there be men in the women’s team, at least in auxiliary positions or coming from time to time.
How to behave in a women's team?
First of all, decide on your goals. What do you want to achieve? Below are some recommendations that may be useful to you if you find yourself in a women's team and want to work in it for a long time and successfully.
Maintain relationships. It is very important for women to feel comfortable. If the leader is a woman, then it is not enough to just be a specialist to count on her favor. You also need to be trusted and considered “one of their own.” Sometimes good, competent specialists complain that they are “stuck” and are not climbing the career ladder. The reason may lie in the avoidance of communication, which is common in the team.
Think about your image. Most of all, women are annoyed by other representatives of the fair sex, who seem to them to be dangerous rivals. If you are "on the warpath", be prepared for fierce battles. By putting on a fashionable item, many women thereby cause a wave of negativity towards themselves. If you do this consciously (for example, in the struggle for leadership), this is your choice. But if you do this out of ignorance, it’s time to think about it and, perhaps, update your wardrobe, giving preference to more conservative options that fit harmoniously into the existing work team.
Give compliments. Women love praise very much and worry about mere trifles. If you are perceived as a friend, then work is easier and more enjoyable than if you are treated as an enemy. Women usually have no intermediate options between these two extremes; they like to “make friends against enemies.”
Avoid gossip. This is very difficult to do, because, on the one hand, you need to be in a team, and on the other hand, by spreading gossip, you risk one day discovering that you yourself have become the protagonist of the next scandal that the whole office is talking about.
For your information. According to an article published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, everyday conversations between people consist of 20-66% gossip. The greatest interest, as it turned out, is caused by gossip concerning personal life, celebrities, as well as information about the shortcomings and deviations in people's behavior.
Mixed teams: indifference or interest?
A man and a woman are two boxes,
which store the keys to each other.
Karen Blixen
Most teams consist of representatives of both sexes. This gives the organization stability: the shortcomings and advantages of men and women are then balanced. However, this does not mean that women or men begin to behave differently. The qualities of each gender described above are preserved, but lose the power of manifestation.
The main characteristics inherent in mixed teams:
More harmonious psychological climate;
An opportunity for everyone to find their place;
Greater tolerance for other people's shortcomings;
The ability to redistribute work, finding those who can handle it better.
For your information. According to a survey conducted by the SuperJob Portal Research Center. ru, 52% of Russians prefer to work in a mixed team. 19% of respondents prefer male teams, 27% of them are women and only 10% are men. Purely female teams are of the least interest to applicants. Only 6% of our compatriots would like to work in them, of which 8% are men and 3% are women. 23% of Russians don’t care whether they work in a male or female team.
The ratio of men and women in an organization may be different, but even one representative of the opposite sex literally works wonders: the shortcomings inherent in each of the sexes in such a team are reduced, and the advantages, on the contrary, are enhanced. However, there are other situations where individual employees feel that their gender or age gives them privileges over others.
Example 1. An elderly man got into the habit of regularly visiting his secretary and asking her to make photocopies of documents for him, although according to his position he was obliged to do this himself.
How to behave in a mixed team?
The need to coexist in a confined space sometimes forces you to put up with even what you don’t like.
Example 2. An organization employs an employee who cares little about personal hygiene. When he comes into a room where women work, they begin to complain about the smell of sweat. The management found a way out of the situation (since he was a highly qualified programmer) and allocated a room for this person where he could work quietly without distracting other employees.
So, what to look for in mixed teams?
Consider differences between genders. In a large organization, you have the opportunity to find interlocutors with whom you will have something to talk about. However, remember: in addition to talking, there must be action. Both men and women do not like to be neglected. If you are busy, explain this to your interlocutor and set a time when you can talk (if necessary).
Develop your own tactics. There are no bad people - there is only an incorrectly chosen distance. Get a sense of which employees you should approach and who you should stay away from (both literally and figuratively).
Be stylish. Each organization has its own dress code, although it may not be formally established. Try to stay within the general style, even if you prefer radical experiments with your appearance outside of work. Only a few people have the luxury of extravagant outfits at work. Usually these are people of creative professions: artists, musicians, painters, etc.
Guard your borders. Do not tell unnecessary details of your private life, avoid participating in intrigue and gossip.
Instructions for survival and career building
Regardless of what team you work in, to build a successful career, it is advisable to adhere to several important principles:
1. Set goals. Employees lacking ambition rarely become leaders. There are cases when, even in a “non-passable” position, a person received an unexpected promotion.
2. Make contacts. It is very important to know not only explicit information open to everyone, but also some facts that go beyond official matters. People do not forgive mistakes towards their loved ones and relatives. Mistakes made out of ignorance still leave an unpleasant mark on the soul. When the number of mistakes becomes critical, there can be no talk of any career.
3. Plan your work. Avoid overload and stress. If fatigue accumulates and does not go away, it means you have organized your work incorrectly. Don't try to "be good" by constantly doing other people's work. This may cause you to fail in your own responsibilities. At the same time, by doing periodic favors for other people, in difficult times you can count on them helping you too.
When looking for candidates for a vacancy, consider the environment in which they will work. Very often, when selecting an employee, they think about his functional responsibilities, while forgetting with whom he will have to work side by side. Even negative characteristics, such as a love of chatter, can be useful when communicating with clients.
When drawing up requirements for applicants, consider what qualities they must have, what shortcomings can be forgiven, and what character traits are unacceptable. A typical mistake is to look for the “ideal” candidate without any shortcomings. Firstly, such a person is very difficult to find, and secondly, he may have high expectations regarding salary, working conditions, etc.
When preparing for an interview, think about what questions may reveal the shadow sides of the candidate, such as conflict, sloppiness, unpunctuality, etc.
Let's summarize. Despite the fact that female, male and mixed teams have different characteristics, the psychological climate in the organization is influenced by many factors that can and should be controlled. If possible, preference should be given to mixed teams, as they are more stable.
Recently, many professions that were previously considered purely female or purely male have become available to people of the opposite sex. These are, for example, the professions of a hairdresser, a bank teller, etc. If the candidate is generally satisfied, it makes sense to give him a chance to pass a probationary period, even if it seems that a person of a different gender should work in this position.
How to survive in a women's team?
So, your team at work consists mainly of women. Is it good or bad? Neither one nor the other. The women's team has its own characteristics that must be taken into account. And knowing them will help you “survive” in the workplace.The main feature of the ladies' group is that women have a greater need for verbal communication than men. It is not for nothing that in most cases girls begin to speak earlier than boys. Women need communication - and communication is not virtual, but live.
Conversations
This leads to the first factor that needs to be taken into account - they always say here. About work and bosses, about children and problems with husbands, about shopping and hairstyles... And that’s good. You always have the opportunity to discuss pressing issues: from a quarrel with your husband to the best store to buy new shoes. But this feature also has a downside.
Firstly, the workflow suffers. Especially if you have recently been working in a company and are not yet accustomed to planning your work time taking into account the obligatory conversations and tea parties.
Secondly, conversations here often become common property - and therefore it is very easy to ruin relationships with colleagues or superiors by once participating in their discussion. And in such conditions, you can easily become the hero of gossip - it is enough to tell a little about your personal life.
Who are we fighting against?
It is also common for women sense of community- being with someone is more comfortable for them than being alone. Therefore, certain interest groups are often formed in the workplace. This is a normal situation if interests are not related to work. But if one group, for example, supports the boss and enjoys his favor, and the second does not, conflict cannot be avoided. The usual difference of opinions that manifests itself during a conversation about trifles can also aggravate relations between groups.
Follow the rules!
In a women's team, rules always apply. The problem is that these rules are usually not spelled out in the regulations. There is an unspoken daily routine, there is an informal leader, and it is worth observing some verbal obligations that apply within the team - for example, an agreement on mutual replacement in case of illness, on donating money for employees’ birthdays, on joint celebration of holidays, etc. Refusing to comply with these unspoken rules is the easiest way to cause hostility from the team.
Correction for emotions
Firstly, pay close attention to the work being performed - then ill-wishers will not have the opportunity to find fault with you or “sit on you”.
Secondly, try not to splash out your emotions - calmness and politeness have a better chance of support. In addition, if there is no reaction, attacks on you may die out on their own.
It’s interesting that a conflict can be resolved by... a man. It has been noticed that if a representative of the stronger sex appears in a women's group, the ladies change their behavior - they become softer, more accommodating, and begin to pay more attention to appearance, while the struggle for power fades into the background.
Maybe this is the ideal way to combat the negative characteristics of a female team - invite a man...
If you specify “women’s group” in the search bar, the global network will explode with answers in a single key: “How to survive in a women’s group,” “Rules of survival.” It’s as if you’re not going to see cute creatures, but jumping across the Gobi Desert alone.
However, there is some truth in the word “survive”. Ladies who have worked in mixed or mixed genders reluctantly agree to a purely female version. Because it won’t be boring, but it’s also “fun”, because everyone knows what girls are worth, and when there are a lot of them, the destructive force is equivalent to an explosion. How can you increase the pleasant and eliminate the negative by working among your own kind?
Psychology of relationships at work in a women's team
There is nothing more poisonous in the world than a friendly group of women...
“I tell him...”
People go to work to earn money and, if they're lucky, for self-realization. Women need work to communicate, perhaps this is more important than salary. Get used to the fact that your colleagues' chatter will be in the background. Don’t be annoyed that every day starts and ends with a discussion of discounts, styles, TV series, children and husbands. The work process definitely suffers, plus your psyche is undermined, especially if you are an inveterate silent person - but no one can prohibit conversations.
Try to minimize your participation in conversations - just because their topics (and your opinion) become the property of your superiors and colleagues. It’s not a fact that your constructive thoughts will reach them in their original harmlessness; most likely, “kind women” will turn them into gossip. And welcome, showdowns, quarrels, a response wave of gossip addressed to you. In order not to drown in gossip, keep quiet when the topics seem sensitive, concern management and colleagues - remain neutral or run away “on business”.
"You and me"
The immutable rule is: no friendships at work! You can count the women who have not violated it on one hand: give everyone a friend so that they can go to dinner together and be friends against the rest of the vixens. And everything would be fine if it weren’t for the quarrels that still happen. Having quarreled, the ladies sulk, and as a result, the work process suffers. Along the way, the offended party is looking for new allies, telling how disgusting the ex-girlfriend turned out to be. And here it is, a new round of gossip and confrontation. Try not to test the old truth on yourself - don’t make friends at work.
“I’m all so sudden”
If you graphically depict a woman’s mood, you will get a sinusoid with an impressive scope – sometimes up, sometimes down. The ladies pass the top and bottom points at least once an hour - and so on all day. And you never know what period a colleague is currently in – negative or positive. Do this: observe your colleagues, notice signs of both good mood and impending storm. Depending on the sine wave, do not get into trouble or, conversely, ask for what you want while your colleague is in a good mood.
“This is our order”
Any team has its own rules - both good and not so good. Good rules: give money to each other for a birthday present, support the weak, help and replace, do not wash dirty linen in public. The rules are so-so: to revere and fawn over self-proclaimed queens, persecute those who “stumble,” and inform. Even if you are a rebel at heart, you will have to dance in step with everyone - fortunately, in moderation. Don’t shy away from gatherings with tea and cake, congratulate the birthday girls from the bottom of your heart, and lend your shoulder when they sincerely ask for a favor. But it is not necessary to participate in covens; do not do what you consider bad. At the same time, be prepared to answer for your “otherness”: you will probably be punished with gossip, but you can survive this.
"Happiness loves silence"
Braggarts are not liked anywhere, and especially in women's groups. Here the law is in full force: “The protruding head of a nail attracts a hammer.” In general, if you “stick your head out”, you will snatch off the cap. In a circle of beautiful fairies, it is not advisable to be clever, to tell what a wonderful husband you have, how your loved one pampers you, what your caring parents gave you, where your cheerful friends invited you... If you talk about something from the list, you will see strained smiles. Colleagues will mutter “how great” through their teeth, and behind their backs they will unsheath a woman’s main weapon – the tongue. Envy pushes people to do ugly things, but in their own eyes they look like fighters for equality. Keep quiet, do not advertise your personal life, wealth and achievements. And yet there is no guarantee that you will escape popular wrath.
"I am"
No matter how careful you are, sooner or later a clash will happen - you will be provoked, unfairly accused, openly “attacked”. What to do - remain silent or allow yourself to be drawn into conflict? How are things at work? The rule: “He who does not play does not lose” does not apply here - you have already been drawn into it. It will not be possible to prove that you are right by appealing to your conscience: the aggressor knows that she is wrong, but she does not care. Nothing can be explained to someone who doesn't want to listen.
- Firstly, you should not perceive rudeness and rudeness only as a reproach to yourself. Most of what is said at this moment is an absolute lie, said for the sake of a “speaking word”: throw it with a sack, we’ll sort it out later. Therefore, there is no need to pay attention to this, but the rest of what was said is still true. And although it’s offensive that it was said in a monstrous form, it’s worth thinking about: we need to improve! This cry is a guide to action, only thoughtfully: first you need to understand what is said is true, what you really need to change, and then start acting.
- Secondly, if possible, it is better to ignore the boor. He yells, says nasty things, and you turn your back to him and mind your own business (or rather, pretend to, because emotions are furiously seething inside you). It is very good at this moment to quietly but clearly address the other person with any request or proposal. Of course, this option is not applicable if your boss is a boor and a rude person.
- Thirdly, when you are being rude, don’t try to prove something to someone: no one will hear you anyway. It's difficult, but you have to learn. If you remain stoically silent at the moment of open rudeness towards you, the wave of rudeness will simply drown out. By the way, if a rude person reproaches you: “Why are you silent? Don't know what to say? Lower your eyes, shrug your shoulders slightly, and say quietly, “Sorry.” Believe me, the new outburst of rudeness that will follow will be much shorter. But under no circumstances start explaining and making excuses when they yell at you, when they are rude to you.
When your boss or colleague, or anyone else, begins to reproach you for being a bad employee, partner, mistress, mother, daughter... you just need to listen without trying to defend yourself, this will only inflame the “attacker” even more. Be silent, sing a song to yourself, recite a poem, count to a thousand and back. Look at the tip of the “attacker’s” nose: it seems that you are looking into his eyes.
- Fourthly, when the flow of rudeness is exhausted, when the rude person is tired, you, even if it seems impossible, must, overpowering yourself, say: “Thank you very much! I understood your arguments, they seemed interesting and convincing to me! But from now on you shouldn’t talk to me in this manner! I am able to hear and understand speech that is common to decent people! Yes, I advise you to contact a specialist: not everything you said was said clearly and legibly!” Turn around and leave. Let him keep yelling! Her strength, her time... You listened, answered politely, but said everything you thought! By the way, they didn’t even call her rude. But they could!
Both minor and major rudeness must be responded to correctly. There is no point in being offended: you will not correct anyone by doing this, and you will ruin your nervous system, but you need to tell a boor that he is a boor, just do it in a very polite manner: do not allow yourself to break into a scream. Screaming, rudeness, rudeness are a manifestation of weakness. But you are a strong woman.
