There may be several reasons not to love your birthday, but you can cope with all of them by bringing this wonderful holiday back into your life, writes etcetera.
FACT.
Almost all children look forward to their birthday. On this day they expect gifts, surprises, attention and care. However, with age, the love for a personal holiday weakens for many, sometimes reaching complete denial. Why does this happen?
ATTENTION.
Some people have difficulty coping with increased attention to themselves. They do not like close interactions with people or displays of emotions. For such people, a birthday is like a storm that they are trying to weather. As a rule, these people hide their date of birth on social networks and ignore phone calls. If there are such people among your friends, then try not to embarrass them and instead of calling, send an SMS with congratulations.
SUMMARIZING.
A birthday is always the end of a cycle. On this day, many begin to wonder what has changed in their lives over the past year. Sometimes the changes that have occurred over the course of a year cannot become a reason for joy, and then a person becomes despondent. People experience anniversaries and transition periods of 30-40 years especially acutely. Try not to dwell on what you haven't achieved. If you encounter such unpleasant thoughts on your holiday, then you need to focus on what you managed to implement over the past year, what you learned.
BAD HOLIDAY.
Quite often, people do not like to celebrate their birthday because of the established tradition of celebration. We are talking about the usual feast, when guests are invited, everyone gives gifts, toasts and congratulations are read, they eat and drink and go home. Many are burdened by the need to invite certain “obligatory people” to their holiday, who may be offended if they are left without an invitation. It turns out that the holiday is organized not for oneself, but for friends and relatives. Over time, such a holiday causes unpleasant emotions, and you don’t have enough strength, desire, imagination or money to organize something meaningful, fun and interesting.
HOW TO SOLVE A PROBLEM?
To love your birthday, you need to become selfish for a while. Think about what you have always dreamed of doing, where to go or go, what to eat or buy. A list of such wishes can be compiled throughout the year. Before your birthday, choose the most desired thing from this list and make it come true. You can go on a trip, go to a spa, get a tattoo, eat at an expensive restaurant, go on a nature trip with your family. Choose something that will definitely bring you joy. Give up traditions if you don't like them. Turn off your phone if you don't want to accept congratulations. The main thing is that this day is memorable for you and brings positive emotions.
Birthday: reasons why some people don't like to celebrate their main holiday
There are people who do not like their birthdays, not only due to the costs of celebrating it, but in general, they do not experience the necessary positive emotions on such an unusual occasion. They can happily take part in celebrating someone else's birthday, but they do not perceive a personal birthday as entirely joyful.
In ancient times, people believed that birth was a great holiday. A person’s birthday, as well as his name, was treated with considerable respect. Sometimes, on a person’s birthday, the Magi (stargazers, sages), who monitored the calendar, came to a person and presented gifts.
Today, from early childhood, the “wizards” who give us gifts on our personal birthdays are replaced by parents and relatives. It is quite possible that this is why deep in our memory there is a vague feeling of expecting special attention to ourselves on this day, something magical. Besides everything, a birthday symbolizes one’s own coming into this world, the end of one cycle and the beginning of another, rebirth.
It turns out that this is a very important day in the life of any of us. However, there are those who do not like their birthday or are not particularly happy about it. What are the roots of a negative attitude towards your birthday?
Why isn't your birthday happy?
One of the reasons is psychological rejection of oneself, which is deeply rooted and originating from a person’s childhood. A symbolically negative perception of one’s birthday can be a corresponding reaction to the attitude towards oneself, one’s appearance in this world, on the part of loved ones and the expectation of rejection, rejection of oneself by the world. This is usually not a conscious reaction, but it affects many areas of life in its own way.
A person who, as a child, experienced a lack of love for himself from his parents and close circle, grows up and becomes like a little offended child, constantly hoping that sooner or later the moment will come when he will finally be accepted and loved.
Often, the psychological basis for non-acceptance or self-acceptance is laid in direct dependence on the emotions and feelings that the child received from his parents. How dear and desirable was he to them? What did the mother experience during pregnancy? How did the parents perceive the birth of the child? Was it a holiday or, on the contrary, a big nuisance?
All these points have a serious impact on basic self-acceptance or non-acceptance. Very common reasons for not liking one’s birthday are: some kind of psychological trauma received on one of the birthdays, resentment towards loved ones arising from the attitude of his relatives and friends towards the person, some unpleasant circumstances that arose on that day
Everything is very simple. Some people have post-traumatic psychological syndrome, which arose as a result of a single or repeated traumatic situation that coincided with their birthday. For example, the holiday was ruined by someone close or coincided with a negative event that deeply affected the person.
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In addition, over the years, the baggage of various disappointments, unpleasant emotions experienced on the birthday, and difficulties accumulates. These could be: disappointments from unnecessary gifts received instead of desired ones, unfulfilled desires, resentment towards people, their false attention, flattery, regret about the money and effort spent on organizing a festive feast, after which there was an unpleasant aftertaste, and other moments. This cumulative negative effect is due to the fact that we tend to remember better, first of all, those events that we perceive painfully. Everything good is quickly forgotten or remembered less clearly.
As a result, a moment comes when all the accumulated negative experience, the burden of disappointments, leads to emotional blocking. A person stops rejoicing and celebrating his birthday. He prefers spending time with himself to the company of relatives and friends, and when there are no people with whom he would like to celebrate his birthday, there is no feeling of an unusual holiday in his soul.
Fear of change for the worse and death are also significant reasons why people stop enjoying this day. A birthday is the same New Year, only individual, symbolizing time (the end of the annual cycle and the beginning of a new one) and the associated changes on a personal scale. If a person is young, healthy and full of strength, then he is not so acutely afraid of a potential unfavorable future, but with age... The older we get, the more we begin to think about the lifespan allotted to us. With each birthday, the number on our “counter” that measures the years we have lived increases.
For many women, the growing figure is truly terrifying, since along with it youth, beauty, health are gone, and old age is approaching with the accompanying age-related problems. That is, a critical phase begins in a person’s life when, with each new year, he begins to become more and more afraid of possible changes for the worse. For this reason, birthdays are more depressing than positive. Very few people know how to calmly look approaching death in the eye and enjoy life on their birthday even when they realize that there is less and less time left to live.
Imagine a celebration, a laid festive table, a cheerful company... Everyone is happy, everyone is happy... Are you sure about this? Let's look at these people from the outside.
Yes, most people really rejoice and are completely immersed in this pleasant process. But there are others. There's a girl sitting somewhere on the edge of the table, clearly trying to get lost. Two people with gloomy faces are quietly quarreling in the kitchen. And there are those who simply did not come. It turns out that not everyone loves holidays. What kind of strange people are these who do not know what the joy of communicating in a pleasant company is? After all, there are even people who don’t like their birthday! What makes some fellow citizens treat holidays with disdain?
Temperament didn't work out
Melancholic and phlegmatic people have a very negative attitude towards holidays. They are so immersed in their inner world that it can be difficult for them to communicate with people around them. Especially in large companies. It is difficult for them to express themselves and their feelings. They are often lost when choosing a gift, as it is difficult for them to understand what the other person wants. The best holiday for them is to be alone with themselves, give themselves a gift, and enjoy reading or watching programs.
I don’t love myself or others
Low self-esteem also prevents people from having a normal rest. Such a person is not used to enjoying life. Perhaps he was once reproached for the gifts he received, or there was a tense situation in the family at the time when his personality was being formed.
Such people experience a feeling of inconvenience, discomfort, and do not like to be the center of attention. It seems to them that congratulations are formalism and falsehood. In fact, no one likes them and all the congratulations and gifts are not sincere. It's just the way it is. Either the guests came forcefully to congratulate him, or they benefit from this. Such people feel uncomfortable at any festive events. They are embarrassed to express themselves both in clothes, in a new hairstyle, and in choosing a gift. They look around at those around them, control themselves, what they will say, and try to create a good impression of themselves. Constantly compare themselves to others.
Of course, all this causes enormous tension and alcohol often helps relieve it. Another option is to stay home. But even in their home environment it can be difficult for such people. Spending holidays with a loved one or children is the ability to be sincere, to show your feelings, love, tenderness, and care. Can this be done by a person who is constantly dissatisfied with himself and is very self-critical? Hardly. He may try to please his loved ones, but most likely he will be disappointed. His loved ones will take it for granted. It's hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves. He can also take out his inner aggression on those close to him, thereby attracting attention to himself. Therefore, any holiday for them is stressful.
Work is not a wolf?
A workaholic does not see the point in holidays at all; he does not understand why they are needed if at this time he can earn an extra hundred dollars. During the holidays, they try to keep themselves busy with housework as much as possible and strive to help someone with pre-holiday chores. And even during the holiday, they either wash the dishes or establish business relationships with partners or potential clients. Some workaholics fall into despondency and melancholy during the holidays because they are left alone with their problems, with their inner loneliness, with their complexes, which on weekdays they compensated for with dedicated work.
As a rule, those who consider holidays a waste of time also do not know how to love themselves. They are always striving for some unattainable ideal. Their target is turned into an idol. It happens that they cannot explain why they need this treasured million, a house with a sea view, etc. To learn to celebrate, such people need to praise themselves more often. Evaluate what has already been done to achieve results and, of course, give yourself gifts.
The toastmaster is not happy about the holiday
People whose work involves constant communication, especially the hosts of various holidays and leaders of creative teams, do not always like to celebrate their holidays. Those who constantly communicate with a huge number of people simply “burn out.” A person is not able to constantly experience positive emotions. He gets tired of them. No nervous system can withstand such stress, and when communicating with strangers it cannot be avoided. Therefore, you should not be surprised that your friend Santa Claus does not want to celebrate the New Year in company. Forgive him for this. Let him rest.
Do not put salt on my wound
It can be difficult for those who have experienced mental trauma during the holidays or who constantly receive it. This could be the drunkenness of the father or husband, which inevitably affects loved ones. If during the holidays as a child, a child sees that mom is tired of cleaning, preparing for the table, and that dad is not helping during the preparation of the celebration. If a child observes scandals, fights between relatives, friends of parents. If he was present when one of the parents cheated. Children are very sensitive to the emotions of adults and their relationships. If one of the guests begins to flirt with his mom or dad, the child may experience feelings of jealousy, betrayal and loss. Then, in the adult life of this baby, the holiday will be associated with a feeling of discomfort. And if he does not get another positive experience, then most likely he will not like the holidays and will begin to repeat the “life scenario of his parents”!
Children's grievances over gifts, unjustified expectations of spouses from each other, accidents during celebrations - all this can lead to a loss of pleasure from the holidays. It happens that a holiday ends tragically. Someone gets injured. Such a person can remember for the rest of his life not the joy of the holiday, but the fear of being in a similar situation. The only way out here may be to consult a psychologist.
There is a separate category of people who celebrate holidays not according to the standard dates that are accepted in our country, but according to their own rules. The reason for the celebration is a successful deal, a successful purchase, a meeting with a loved one. These people are free from many stereotypes, they are successful and satisfied with their lives. They choose when to work and when to celebrate.
Who loves holidays?
According to statistics, only 5% of the population has adequate self-esteem. So who loves holidays? Not only those who like to drink, so as to temporarily increase self-esteem and remove inhibitions, relax. If you know how to be sincere, love yourself and those around you, if you can refuse the unpleasant company of relatives or friends, if you consider yourself the creator of your life and your holiday - any holiday is for you! A holiday is creativity, a manifestation of love for yourself and loved ones. This is the art of giving gifts, compliments, congratulations... And you don’t have to wait for your birthday or New Year’s date. This only sets the theme of the holiday. The holiday can be arranged at any time.
Elena ANFINOGENOVA, psychologist-practitioner, director of training at the School of Success “Alpha Leader”,
Alexey KURENCHANIN, psychologist-trainer
One of my first jobs was in a very large organization, the head of which was a very famous person. So famous that he regularly sent holiday greetings to other famous people - the heads of similar organizations. What I found most amusing was that he personally did not write a single congratulation - a huge staff of employees did it for him. The people who prepared these texts were divided by profile - political, social, religious.
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This organization had a website where these congratulations were published, among other things. I remember that the editorial office always had two versions of texts - either marked “Project” or signed by the head of the organization. It is clear that in no case should it be possible to publish a text that was not agreed with the head.
At least this is good. But in general, it’s interesting - someone writes kind words for you, and then you quickly glance through and sign. Or you don’t stage it, and then someone composes it again. You can say - well, this is the head of a large organization, he works hard day and night, where else can he personally write congratulations? Okay, let's say. But what does it mean to congratulate someone on something? Say a few warm words coming from the heart.
Then I found myself in another, smaller organization, where they had the same strange system of writing congratulations. Except that there was no longer a staff in professional areas, but only two or three people who were forced to study the areas of activity of those being congratulated and write something. There, an employee once came to me for advice on how best to write one paragraph. The head of the organization congratulated people on Lawyer's Day.
She had five identical congratulations for five people who were lawyers, and one for a non-lawyer who had a law degree. This moment had to be reflected in the text of the congratulations, and therefore she had a difficulty. A question mark was placed next to the inappropriate paragraph option by the chapter's hand. And no explanations for you as to what exactly is not satisfactory and how best to redo it.
But now the most interesting thing is what people are congratulating, what people are celebrating. And here I will say: how much easier and more fun my life is! I made it a rule to only celebrate achievements—my own or those of loved ones. What does it mean? I set myself a goal - to learn Italian. And then, let’s say, a year later the day comes when I realize that I can calmly, without any dictionary, read Giovanni Boccaccio or Dante Alighieri, or watch Italian films without subtitles, or communicate freely with Italians. This will mean that my goal has been achieved, which means I can celebrate. On such a day, I will invite those with whom I want to share this joy, I will be happy to accept words of sincere congratulations from them, maybe I will drink champagne with them.
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| Photo: Mordovagro.ru |
And so with any other goal that you need to work hard to achieve. For me, a holiday is the day when my goal is achieved. Or my loved one. Then I will be happy to congratulate him and give him something.
I don’t suffer from the nervous need to run out and buy something for someone to give for their birthday, New Year, or March 8th. For what? Why congratulate someone on something that has nothing to do with them?
Birthday? This is a one-time holiday celebrated by your parents on your birthday itself. Why spend your whole life congratulating the person who was born once a year, especially since he did not make any effort towards this birth?
March 8? The logic of special treatment for a woman only once a year is unclear, when you carry her in your arms, give her gifts and congratulate her on nothing.
Victory Day? Also a one-time holiday, which was celebrated in 1945. All subsequent time, we should be grateful to our veterans, expressing gratitude by treating them with respect, building comfortable free housing, providing them with free medicine and giving them gifts for absolutely no reason. They need it 365 days a year.
New Year? This is generally just an excuse to get drunk, generously extended by the state for ten days.
And in fact, any such “holiday” is a reason to get drunk, at least in Russia. At the same time, it is accompanied by a frantic shopping trip in search of a gift, and in large organizations, heads force their employees to keep track of who and what to congratulate.
By the way, in the second organization there was another strange tradition - on the birthday of an employee, collecting money from everyone else in an envelope, which was then handed to him. The newborn himself arranged a table with treats on this day. I never understood why they tried to “download” money from me on the birthday of someone I didn’t even know.
Today is March 8th. At the current stage, my environment is mainly female. I didn’t call or write to any of his representatives, didn’t say any congratulations or give anything. At the same time, we are all mutually dear to each other and value each other. But none of us needs one day a year to somehow express this value.
I repeat - I do not deny holidays like the ones listed above. I just don't celebrate them because I don't see the point in them.
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A friend of mine once told me, “Damn, I wish I could do that too. But so many people won’t understand me, it will be hard. So I’d rather not worry.”
But I don’t worry, because I live as I live. Yes, sometimes people don’t understand me, but I’m three hundred years old.
Although, if they call me on the day I was born and congratulate me, I thank them, they give me gifts, I accept them. If they invite you to someone’s birthday, I go, but without congratulations.
But it’s unlikely that anything like that can compare with that pleasant and joyful state when you yourself make your dream come true, you find yourself where you went the hard way, you realize that you’ve finally learned what you’ve been studying for so long. And no fuss, no studying biographies, no falsehood. This is the most sincere and real holiday.
There are people who rejoice and are completely immersed in the pleasant process of the holiday. But there are others. What kind of people are these who don’t know what the joy of socializing in pleasant company is? After all, there are even people who don’t like their birthday! What makes some people reluctant to celebrate the holidays?
Possible reason #1:
There is such a concept - temperament, and so people who do not like holidays are most likely melancholic and phlegmatic. They are immersed in their inner world and find it difficult to communicate with others. It is difficult for them to express themselves and their feelings. The best holiday for them is to be alone with themselves, give themselves a gift, and enjoy reading or watching programs.
Possible reason #2:
Low self-esteem. Such a person is not used to enjoying life. Perhaps he was once reproached for the gifts he received, or there was a tense situation in the family at the time when his personality was being formed.
Possible reason #3:
A workaholic does not see the point in holidays, does not understand why they are needed. During the holiday, they either wash dishes or establish business relationships with partners or potential clients. Very often, they cannot explain why they need this treasured million, a house with a sea view, etc. To learn to celebrate, such people need to praise themselves more often. Evaluate what has already been done to achieve results and give yourself gifts.
Possible reason #4:
People whose work involves constant communication, especially holiday hosts and creative team leaders, do not always like to celebrate holidays. Those who constantly communicate with a huge number of people simply “burn out emotionally.”
Possible reason #5:
Memories from childhood or generally forgotten experiences from childhood. Perhaps he experienced mental trauma as a child during the celebrations. This could be drunkenness, family scandals, or something that is unpleasant for a person to remember. Then, in this child’s adult life, the holiday will be more likely to be associated with a feeling of discomfort.
Let's highlight separately such a holiday as a birthday!
Possible reason #1:
A symbolically negative attitude towards one’s birthday can mean a corresponding attitude towards oneself, towards one’s appearance in this world and the world’s rejection of oneself. This attitude is usually not realized, but in its own way affects many areas of life.
Possible reason #2:
If a child, and then an adult, has a strong resentment against his parents, especially his mother, then this can also be emotionally connected to the moment of birth. After all, birth is given by the mother, and if there is a strong resentment towards her, the corresponding attitude can transfer to the perception of birth itself.
Possible reason #3:
A holiday like a birthday symbolizes the end of one cycle and the beginning of a new one. It can be said that a person who does not like his birthday may have difficulty updating many aspects of his life. It is difficult for him to finish one thing and start another, he will constantly try to endlessly drag out something old, it is difficult for him to make a decision, change something in life, or take an important action.
Possible reason #4:
For some reason, a person blocks the manifestation of bright, strong and sensual emotions. Perhaps in some situations strong emotions will still break through, but not to the same extent and not in the same way as it could be under more favorable conditions.
People who love holidays, who are they?
Not only those who like to drink, so as to temporarily increase self-esteem and remove inhibitions, relax. But even those who know how to be sincere and love themselves consider themselves the creator of their life and their holiday! A holiday is creativity, a manifestation of love for yourself and loved ones. This is the art of giving gifts, compliments, congratulations! Waiting for the date of a birthday or New Year is not at all necessary, it just sets the theme of the holiday!!! There is a separate category of people who celebrate holidays not according to the standard dates that are accepted in our country, but according to their own rules. The reason for the celebration is a successful deal, a successful purchase, a meeting with a loved one. These people are free from many stereotypes, they are successful and satisfied with their lives. They choose when to work and when to celebrate. A holiday is more of a state of mind!!!
