Touchiness is one of the destructive human qualities. We often use this tool as a defensive reaction, a way to make the offender feel guilty, or a manipulative technique. We become familiar with it already in childhood, imitating the reactions of adults. Over time, we begin to become more and more often offended unconsciously. It is not possible to gain control over our own experiences, even when we build relationships with another person. Behind the constant feeling of resentment in a relationship there is always a whole range of negative emotions hidden - I will tell you further about how to cope with them.
What is this feeling and how does it happen?
Touchiness is often a form of unrealized aggression. When you are angry or upset because of someone's words or actions, but due to certain circumstances you cannot give free rein to these emotional outbursts, a block is triggered inside that turns the unexpressed into a oppressive sediment.
Vulnerability is a consequence of self-doubt. If you are firmly confident in your thoughts, words, actions, know how to work correctly with criticism and not take subjective assessments to heart, know about your strengths and weaknesses and work with them, any attempts to hook you will not be taken seriously.
Another option for what is hidden behind resentment is unjustified expectations. This can often be seen in relationships, when we expect one thing from our partner, but get something completely different. At the same time, we do not voice or discuss our true desires in time.
The danger of these feelings is that they can become firmly and permanently entrenched within us. Accumulated, unresolved worries over trifles can ultimately result in much greater negativity, and it will be simply impossible to stop this destructive force.
Why a person is offended: signs of strong offense
Main reasons:
- Makes too high demands on people, which they do not meet. Such offended people have poorly developed empathy, they do not try to put themselves in the place of another person, to understand what motives he follows and what he experiences. His interlocutor simply has no right to make a mistake, so it is perceived as a disaster.
- Is in the state of a child or a victim, feels weak, does not see ways to influence the situation. This is a very convenient model of behavior, which involves completely abdicating responsibility and shifting the blame onto someone else. Admitting your mistake is much more difficult than blaming your neighbor for everything.
- It happens that a person has been rejected so often that he has forgotten how to ask for help or talk about his desires, although they do not disappear anywhere, but turn into silent expectations. Such people try to cope with everything on their own, but on a subconscious level they expect someone to take the initiative and provide them with support. To voice the fact that they need help means to demonstrate their own weakness and lack of independence. Quiet, unspoken demands and reproaches turn into unreasonable resentment: what to do with it is not easy to figure out.
Touchiness is a dangerous trait. It is always associated with certain illusions that arise in our heads: our feelings are not taken into account, they do not think about us, they treat us cruelly. We tend to think for others based on our own experience.
When we meet a person and begin to build a relationship with him, we create in our imagination an amazing picture of a future together. Girls expect flowers, romance and attention, and in response they hear: “In my opinion, this is nonsense and a stupid waste of money.” How so? Doesn't he really want to make me happy?!
The roots of human resentment in psychology: what it is, resentment, and how to deal with it
Vulnerability is a consequence of deep mental trauma. This behavior is typical of those with an inferiority complex, self-doubt, low self-esteem and inability to take responsibility. Needless to say, all this greatly interferes with the development of harmonious relationships.
Touchy people are constantly waiting for someone to help them, make them happier, do what they think is necessary and right, and are very worried if someone does not fit into the framework of what they want. But is your emotional state, happiness and comfort really the responsibility of another person?
Should I fight this?
You decide. Remember that understatement and unhealed wounds prevent you from perceiving the words of others constructively and hinder the ability to love. If you don't learn to manage your emotions, they will get the better of you. Think about how long your loved one can tolerate the constant feeling of guilt that you impose on him.
Why does resentment arise towards loved ones?
Have you noticed that rudeness expressed to strangers is not taken as seriously as if someone we care about says the same thing? We make great demands on those who become the object of our emotional attachment, subconsciously believing that they must guess our desires and fulfill them.
Consequences of Vulnerability
In addition to frequent conflicts and quarrels that lead to the breakdown of relationships, offended people expose their bodies to constant stress. No one has canceled psychosomatics, so any negativity that we accumulate inside can ultimately result in the development of serious diseases. Unwilling or unable to forgive, we occupy our thoughts with self-pity, accusations and anger. Definitely, this interferes with enjoying life, creates a feeling of chronic dissatisfaction, and becomes the cause of irritability and nervousness.
How to learn not to be offended by loved ones
The first thing you need to do when you feel this emotion is to become aware of it. You can understand the situation and correct it only if you accept what worries you and voice it. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the one who hurt you. Did he really want this? Is he aware of what was said or done? Often we overthink and take things too close to our hearts that actually have no direct relation to us. Perhaps your husband answered you harshly because he is in a bad mood due to problems at work. Everyone has different values, priorities and pictures of the world.
Remember that you yourself can be tired, sleep-deprived, forgetful and inattentive - anything can happen in your head and in life. And you are not always ready to consciously control your state, reaction and behavior.
Learn to catch yourself at the moment of approaching negative emotions and ask clarifying questions to the alleged offender. Understand whether he really wanted to hurt you, or whether you are simply making unfounded conclusions about his words.
Figure out why you get offended by everything and how to prevent it
Increase your level of emotional intelligence and awareness. Try to start keeping a mood diary, periodically stopping and noticing:
- How are you feeling now?
- Why did this feeling arise?
Write down the answers to these questions and thus collect a collection of points that affect your condition.
Develop positive thinking, learn to have fun and turn into a joke any conscious or unconscious attempts to offend you. Keep it simple and allow people to make mistakes. Farewell. You will see - life will become much more pleasant.
How to ignore trifles and not look for reasons for resentment in life: value your time
To be offended means to waste a lot of nerves and energy on fruitless thoughts and self-pity. Let your mind be occupied by more important things: good work, the desire to have a good time with your loved one, a hobby. If you find a free moment to be angry and offended, then you can find room in your schedule for creation.
Play sports
Switch your head from negativity to internal and external transformations. Physical activity fills the body with vigor, improves mood and helps free the mind from unnecessary thoughts.
read books
Enrich your inner world. Resentment, from the point of view of my psychology, is a trait of insecure people who often feel offended, including towards themselves. To develop confidence, you need to constantly grow above yourself, develop, and expand the boundaries of your worldview.
Proper society
Pay attention to those with whom you communicate most often. How do these people influence you? Are you benefiting from this communication? Minimize contact with those who are often offended and condemn others. Think about how you can expand your environment by filling your space with successful, positive, growing people.
How to get rid of resentment towards a man and not be touchy
Talk about what's bothering you, don't shut it up
Do not put off solving the problem until later. An opportunity may not present itself, and negative emotions accumulate like a snowball. At the same time, when talking about your feelings, be delicate and not demanding in order to prevent a scandal from arising.
Explain to your loved one what exactly caused your upset or anger. Forget forever that he has to guess everything himself. His world does not revolve around you - accept this fact and recognize your man as a separate person with his own “cockroaches”.
Finding common ground may be difficult at first, but that's what building relationships is all about. Over time, you will see that many conflicts can be stopped with a simple conversation started at the right time.
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Don't argue, but look for a common solution
Often a woman does not understand how to cope with resentment and anger towards her husband, because he is principled and does not share her opinion. Men tend to want to prove that they are right at all costs, even if they changed their position during the dispute. Don't get emotional. Calmly explain to your opponent that you do not want to argue, and the purpose of this conversation is to come to a compromise. Be sure to let him know that you hear and accept his point of view.
Set communication rules
If you are offended by your spouse’s rude behavior, do not try to change it, but together agree on certain boundaries. Surely, he also has something to “present” to you. Promise that you will take a step towards him and work on your touchiness, offer to leave work outside the house (if this is the reason for his bad mood). Discuss general norms in different areas of life. After this, you no longer have to explain to your husband what hurt you - just remind him of the concluded agreement.
Forgive old grievances
Organize an evening when you together carefully discuss everything that has accumulated inside. It is important to initially set the correct vector for the development of the conversation, to set the man up to the fact that you come in peace. Do not blame in any way. Talk about how you feel and ask if he had the same feeling? Perhaps you too have stumbled once?
Find a mutual way to let off steam
Come up with a kind of ritual that will help you not keep your frustration inside. Make a special pillow for whipping, close yourself and shout in the room - it can be anything (depending on the nature and temperament of your relationship). By getting rid of unnecessary emotions, it will be easier for you to have a constructive dialogue.
How to cope with a strong feeling of resentment and betrayal by a man
Every person has something that he cannot forgive. For example, treason, deception. It is important to define these boundaries at the initial stage of building relationships in order to avoid misunderstandings and the formation of silent expectations in the future.
10 tips from psychologist Daria Milai to get rid of touchiness
- Never make serious decisions while in this state.
- First answer yourself: what exactly offended you, why this could have happened and why you are unable to react differently. Only after this, tell the offender about your experiences.
- To relieve the first emotions, take any object that will personify the person who offended you, and express everything that is boiling over.
- If discussing the problem is too difficult, write a letter. It is not necessary to show it to the recipient afterwards - feel free to pour out on paper everything that worries you.
- Use the “me-model” in dialogue. Instead of an accusatory “You hurt me!” say “I am very upset by your words/actions.” The accused will always defend himself, but in the second case, you simply offer to listen to you.
- Try to put yourself in the shoes of the offender. Think about what could motivate him. Perhaps he is also emotional, and now you shouldn’t take his remarks seriously?
- Mentally express gratitude to the person you were offended by. He opened up a large area for you to grow and work on yourself.
- Don't beat yourself up for grievances. They are common to everyone.
- Realize and accept that no one has to live up to your expectations.
- Increase your self-esteem. Confident people do not accept negativity and know how to filter out valuable and unworthy information.
Conclusion
Let me summarize briefly. What to do if you suddenly feel offended:
- Get to the bottom of the true emotions you are experiencing (what is it - sadness, anger, disappointment?
- Understand whether your feelings are due to the fact that you internally agree with the offender, but do not want to accept it.
- Do not accumulate negativity in yourself under any circumstances - solve problems promptly and set boundaries in communication.
- Do not make the person feel guilty, but gently point out the mistake.
- Goodbye and breathe deeply!
If you don’t understand how to deal with resentment toward your husband, get rid of it and vulnerability, overcome resentment with the help of psychology and stop being offended by everyone, sign up for my class and get answers to your pressing questions. Together we will find the true causes of the problem and draw up a plan to solve it.
To get rid of touchiness, you need to understand what its essence is. A person may feel offended when his interests are hurt. In this case, he is driven by indignation that his personal boundaries have been violated. What is important is how exactly a person acts in such a situation: whether he tries to defend his own rights or simply withdraws into himself and relives what happened again and again. It is in the second case that emotions turn into resentment.
It happens that a person gets offended when he is not given enough attention. In this case, we may be talking about the egocentrism of the individual or too low self-esteem. In the first case, a person believes that everything should revolve around him and expects too much from others. And in the second, he experiences an acute need for approval and acceptance from others and suffers without receiving it.
A touchy person is easily upset without even noticing it. Sometimes just a little thing can throw him off balance. A careless word, and sometimes even some kind of hint, can ruin such a person’s mood for a long time. Perhaps the touchy person's outlook on life is not optimistic enough. Then he should concentrate more on the positive aspects.
Overcome touchiness
If you want to get rid of the habit of being offended, you first need to overcome excessive suspiciousness. Touchy people not only take many things to heart, but also tend to think for others and take everything personally. Be objective, stop dramatizing the situation.
Think about your well-being. Touchiness can harm not only your mental state, but also your physical condition. If you care about your own health, monitor your thoughts and emotions. Train yourself to stop as soon as resentment tries to penetrate your heart. Try to appear less sensitive. If you demonstrate your calmness and moral strength to others, few will try to offend you. Vulnerable individuals often attract negative attitudes from others. Therefore, it is important to be a strong person.
Get used to an active social position. Try to find out the issues that concern you on the spot. Do not accumulate doubts and suspicions in yourself. If you are offended by a person’s words, do not withdraw into yourself, but clarify what he meant. Perhaps you misunderstood him. If your interests are nevertheless hurt, focus not on self-pity, but on thoughts of how to correct the situation or fight back the offender.
Only getting rid of old accumulated grievances, “throwing out” bad thoughts from the head will allow a person not only to find complete happiness, but also to look at life in a new way.
Today we would like to dwell on the consideration of such an issue as mental grievances. How exactly can you get rid of grievances against your parents, spouse, work colleagues, friends, neighbors. Together with you, we will understand the very term “resentment” and try to get rid of this condition once and for all.
Resentment is a mental illness
Remember how in childhood, when our knees bled, we cried loudly. We were hurt and offended at the same time. Mental resentment is somewhat similar to physical pain, the only thing that suffers is the soul. Only in childhood did a caring mother or grandmother smear brilliant green on our knees, and after a couple of days there was no trace left of the wound on the skin.
What do we do with mental wounds? Contrary to common logic, we are not trying to heal it, but on the contrary, we are constantly disturbing it.
That is why grievances will never heal until the person himself begins to decisively heal them.
This is a fundamental condition for effectively getting rid of all grievances.
Stages of development of resentment
Let's take and introduce the concept of “general grievance”. This term includes the derived average of grievances against our spouse, parents, colleagues and other people around us.
Based on this concept, we will be able to deduce the phases of development of any offense, regardless of the cause of its occurrence, as well as the person to whom it is directed and other factors.
First phase “Stressful situation”
Characteristic physical signs: rapid heartbeat, rush of blood, rapid breathing, tears, sometimes hysteria and loss of consciousness, trembling of lips and limbs, headache, loss of appetite.
By the way, in some people, in addition to the above symptoms, others may be added, for example, increased sweating. An interesting fact is that later, when remembering the offense or the offender himself, some of these signs may be repeated.
At the first stage, a person only learns that someone has offended him. He experiences the strongest and incomparable anger, malice and hatred towards his offender, as well as feelings and desires that are abnormal for a healthy person (a thirst for death or illness of the offender, etc.).
If we compare resentment to a flame, then the first phase is a bright flash that literally blinds a person. As it fades, the resentment enters the second phase.
Second phase “Rooting of resentment”
We erect a whole system of justification for our grievances
As soon as strong emotions cease to control a person, they recede into the background.
An offended person begins to look more realistically at the world and his position in it. Anger begins to take root, and there is no longer a single chance to justify the offender. A person begins to mentally construct a whole system of justifying his offense, as well as condemning his opponent.
If we are talking about time periods, then the second stage is longer than the first. Strong emotions fade into the background, and thoughts of resentment and consideration of further actions persist for a long time.
Based on the above data, we can conclude that resentment occurs in two phases:
- primary manifestation of strong emotionality;
- long-term storage of negative feelings and memories.
Based on the above important facts, we can conclude that we need to deal with resentment at both the first and second stages. Let's decide how important it is to master the art of forgiveness.
The ability to forgive: how to master this skill?
The ability to forgive is a great art, mastering which you can improve not only your mental, but also, without a doubt, your physical health. After all, if you seriously think about it, the time spent thinking, worrying, understanding the offense could have been used to communicate with your most wonderful family, do what you love, and just read an interesting book.
It is important! Forgiveness is a continuous spiritual cleansing. This is complete deliverance from the oppression of grievances and the severity of experiences of the past. Only full awareness that we are the masters of our destiny and only we can control our emotions will help us not only get rid of grievances, but also find the strength to forgive another person.
What can prevent forgiveness?
Forgiveness is not a momentary emotion, but a conscious decision. If you decide to forgive a person and forget the offense, do it once and for all.
The main obstacles to forgiveness may be:
- recurring situation
For example, you were offended by your friend because she bought exactly the same exclusive dress as yours. Having cooled down a little, you decided that it was funny to be offended by this and resumed communication with your friend. However, the next time, your friend again bought exactly the same outfit, and even came to your birthday in it.
- deep mental wound
This obstacle occurs when your loved one causes you severe pain. The mental wound is so deep that it will take years for it to heal at least a little.
For example, your beloved spouse, with whom you lived happily together (as you thought!), started a family on the side. Despite the fact that his relationship with another woman broke off, and you still decided to forgive your unfaithful husband, a worm of doubt is constantly nagging at you in your soul.
The resentment was too strong, it will be too hard to forget it and let it go.
- other obstacles
In addition to the two obstacles listed above, there are other obstacles that prevent you from forgetting the offense and letting it go once and for all.
For example, your loved one has left for another city, and you simply do not have the opportunity to discuss your problems with him. In this case, distance will be a barrier for you that will not allow you to let go of the grudge.
Or, for example, your best friend, with whom you were friends all 10 years of school, offended you at the prom. You still don’t communicate, although 20 years have passed. Time will become a barrier to forgiveness for you.
You need to know this!
Resentment is the cause of headaches, irritability, and panic.
And yet, no matter what the obstacles, grievances can and should be let go.
"Why?" - you ask. In addition to worsening your emotional well-being, unforgotten grievances directly affect your physical health. Constant internal worries lead to the fact that you become a faithful hostage of migraines, and also suffer from panic attacks, irritability, and excessive emotionality.
Therefore, it is better to think about happy moments and enjoy every day than to sit and grieve.
Special exercises will help you quickly and effectively get rid of grievances. These effective methods were developed by professional psychologists. Hundreds of thousands of people have already put them into practice, and now you can do it too.
Five ways to get rid of grievances
Method No. 1 “Open door”
What does the word “resentment” mean to you? What do you feel when you are overcome with heaviness and bitterness from disappointment in a loved one. Try one simple exercise.
Close your eyes. Think about being in a dark room filled with your grievances. Find the door to the light in this room and open it.
Remember this feeling. With the same ease as you swung open the door, leave your grievances in that gloomy room and never think about them again.
Method number 2 “New feeling”
It is not easy for many people to just erase an offense, forget it and leave it in the past. In this case, new feelings will help them.
For example, you have long dreamed of learning to drive a car, but you never had enough time for it. Take advantage of this opportunity and finally get your driver's license.
Go towards bright feelings, rejoice and love, and then there will simply be no room left for offense in your heart.
Method number 3 “Unsent letter”
If emotions overwhelm you, and you don’t want to share your innermost experiences with anyone, write about your feelings on paper. You can even write a letter to your offender.
In it you can describe in detail the essence of your grievance, as well as the negative feelings that it causes in you. After you write the letter, wrap it in an envelope and burn it. You yourself will not notice how your grievances will turn into ashes.
Method No. 4 “New page of the book of life”
When we respond to anger with anger, we degrade
Constantly experiencing resentment, getting confused in the endless labyrinths of your soul, you do not allow yourself to live here and now. This can negatively affect your intellectual and physical development, and your career.
Be generous. Take the insult inflicted on you as a bridge along which you can move to a new stage of your development.
When we respond with anger to anger, hatred to hatred, we do not evolve, but only plunge into the problem. It is better to consciously move to a new level and become a happy and joyful person.
Method number 5 “Revenge for good”
If the resentment does not go away and the thirst for revenge covers you headlong, try to benefit from this situation. Take revenge on your offender, but only in a positive way.
The best revenge is your happy and very successful life.
Think positively, give kindness to people, and before you know it, you will achieve positive results.
At the end of the article I would like to quote the words of the great Albert Einstein: “You cannot solve a problem with the energy with which it was created.” There is truth in every word of this expression.
You cannot get rid of resentment by taking revenge on your friend, husband or spouse. You cannot solve the problem by further accumulating negative emotions. Think positively, go towards happiness, love and light, and then you yourself will not notice how your grievances will disappear behind the veil of days!
Why is it so hard to forgive? How to get rid of resentment? You tried 139 practices, watched 523 training videos. And nothing! Don’t tell yourself: “You need to let go and forget,” the resentment still gnaws at you. Why is that? This question can be answered briefly. But it will be better if you understand it yourself. So listen to the story.
Why is it so hard to forgive? How to get rid of resentment? You tried 139 practices, watched 523 training videos. And nothing! Don’t tell yourself: “You need to let go and forget,” the resentment still gnaws at you. Why is that? This question can be answered briefly. But it will be better if you understand it yourself. So listen to the story.
Where do grievances come from and how to get rid of them
- Where do grievances come from?
- How to deal with grievances
- A way that works
- How to deal with bullies
Once upon a time there lived Ivan, not a fool. He bought land, plowed the field, and sowed it. The harvest is waiting. But it was not there. The earth is dry, cracked, and the sprouts have withered.
Not immediately, but it dawned on Ivan: the river is to blame, the water is not reaching. It turned out that the flood had brought down branches, logs and all sorts of debris.
Ivan, although not a fool, did not know what to do with this misfortune. One smart guy advised: “Let’s do something drastic - with dynamite!” It was loud, but ineffective. Moreover, the neighbors came with the police and let’s sort things out with Ivan.
Another, more cautious and thoughtful comrade, suggested: “Let’s start pulling out from the very bottom. Thoroughly and for sure." Ivan didn’t even try this method. How many years does it take to drag logs from the bottom? And it’s not a fact that it will help.
I didn’t care about the advice and went to dismantle the dam. I removed one log at a time from above and threw it into the water so that it would be carried away by the current. Minimum effort and no special equipment.
Moral: don't complicate things! The best solutions are on the surface.
Where do grievances come from?
Essentially, what is resentment? This is stopped anger. It's like a fist stopped halfway. Moreover, when the offender certainly deserved a right hook. But you restrained yourself - a bad habit, since childhood.
Perhaps when you were a child and were angry with your parents, they harshly suppressed this aggression:
A good girl doesn't behave like that. And the bad ones are punished!
Don't you love your mother? That means we don’t love you either! We’ll send you to an orphanage, and live as you want.
The only thing you remember as a child is that it is dangerous to be angry. If you show aggression towards adults, you will either be punished or get rid of you altogether, and you will disappear without your parents. And each time they stopped their anger without giving way out. They pinned him inside.
You are now an adult. But instead of fighting back, you continue to be offended and crawl to the side. Although the normal reaction to an attack is fear, anger and appropriate action.
How to deal with grievances
Common but ineffective methods
- Cardinal
If you ask the question “How to get rid of resentment?”, Google will offer at least six effective methods, three secret techniques, a unique practice from a megaguru, and so on. Moreover, they promise to get rid of all grievances immediately and, most importantly, forever. Why not dynamite for a dam?
Yes, they work. At first they give pleasant relief, after a day - a slight doubt: “Is it really so simple?” After a week, you quietly slip into your usual touchy behavior.
- Logs from the very bottom
Now it is fashionable to delve into childhood and teenage traumas. This approach has the right to life, because it is childhood trauma that lays the foundations for behavior, character and attitude to the world. But you need to approach this wisely and carefully, otherwise you risk a lot. Firstly, you can drown headlong in these sad memories and you simply won’t have the strength to change anything in your present. Secondly, you can become addicted to a coach like a drug. Because there is no end to this soul-searching, and a coach gives you a feeling of relief and hope for a bright future.
A way that works
Stop artificially holding on to, chewing on, and replaying your offense like a bad movie.
It's simple. Emotions are a kind of warning light. Imagine: you are driving a car and your gasoline level indicator lights up. And what? Will you start whining and complaining about this? Or will you stop at the first gas station?
Our emotions are like those light bulbs in a car:
- Green - everything works great, life makes you happy.
- Red - alarm, something is going wrong or broken.
What should be the correct reaction to a red signal? Figure out what's wrong and fix it. If you feel anger, anger or fear, someone has violated your boundaries. That is, a person is directly or indirectly trying to cause harm. He's an abuser.
How to deal with bullies
Any living creature that is attacked has three biological ways to react:
- Run away, if the enemy is stronger and it is more expensive for you to contact him. If you don’t like running, become big and strong yourself.
- Play dead or simply ignore the attacks. The tactic of ignoring is chosen by both the strong, not wanting to get involved with every little thing, and the weak - when it’s too late and there’s nowhere to run.
- “Soak” the offender. And in such a way that he would not dare to attack again. But here you need to assess your chances of winning like an adult.
In each individual situation the reaction may be different. The main thing is to make sure that you are actually attacked. After this, choose the appropriate way to act, and the need to continue to experience the negative emotion will no longer exist. Moreover, emotion will become energy for action.
How to change habitual behavior
Many people are used to doing things the same way: to be offended and chase complaints in your head, retell them, complain about life and feel sorry for yourself. Do you want to cure your resentment? Change behavior:
Honestly admit that your resentment is an irrelevant infantile reaction. You are afraid to act, so you prefer to crawl into a corner and whine quietly there.
Allow yourself to feel anger, anger, rage. If you were attacked, you have a right to these emotions.
Analyze the situation and consciously choose a rational course of action.
Remind yourself often: an adult does not get offended! He either “grabs the dagger” and deals with the offender, or distances himself and no longer deals with him. And that’s the only way it was published.
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
Resentment is a natural human emotion. According to psychologists, it is impossible to get rid of resentment forever. Man is designed this way: certain words, certain actions hurt his feelings. Overall it's ok. However, it is a completely different case when a person, with his other self, takes the habit of being offended. It always seems to him that the people around him are looking for an opportune moment to offend, to inflict a deliberate insult. Then we are talking about an established character trait called “touchiness.” It does not bring anything good, it only interferes with life, so this habit should be eradicated.
Causes of touchiness.
It may seem to you that there are many reasons for being offended. Each specific case has its own and it is the strongest. But that's not true. All causes of grievances can be divided into three groups.
Conscious grievances. A person simply manipulates other people. The habit of “pouting,” learned in childhood, can bear fruit in adulthood. After all, the person who offended feels guilty and wants to make amends.
Inability to forgive. Unfortunately, a fairly common situation is: a person remembers all the insults inflicted on him and looks for malicious intent in them. Although the offender (sometimes unwittingly) has long forgotten about them. And which one of them is happy?
Expectations are too high. Often, a person attributes to other people qualities that they do not have at all. He places high hopes on those around him, without thinking whether they can handle it, whether they need it.
Being offended is harmful.
The habit of being offended is a bad habit that brings its owner a lot of negative emotions. Resentment eats away a person from the inside, stopping personal growth. It takes a lot of effort and time to “harass” grievances, to think about why the offender did this, to build a plan for revenge. The companions of touchiness are bad mood, sleep problems, headaches. Resentment destroys human relationships, sometimes breaks destinies.
And those who are offended for the purpose of manipulation? They play with offense to achieve their goals. However, those around you are starting to get tired of it; no one likes being constantly guilty. Time passes, and the environment pays less and less attention to the offender and his grievances. Sometimes it is preferable to stop communicating with such a person altogether.
Let's get rid of resentment.
It often happens that a person is offended involuntarily, unconsciously. To prevent this from happening, put less emphasis on your emotions. Resentment should not get the better of you. If the source of the offense was a stranger, then forget it. To be offended by a person who does not know you at all is, to say the least, unreasonable. What he said is not about you.
Have you been offended by someone close to you or dear to you? Talk to him about it. There is no need to blame and retaliate. Talk about your feelings. It will be easy for you if you are a believer. Ask the Almighty for deliverance from resentment. All religions recognize offense as a sin caused by pride.
Accept people as they are naturally.“Don’t attribute” to people desires and qualities that are unusual for them. Many grievances caused by unfulfilled hopes will leave you. Try to benefit from an unpleasant situation. Someone offended you, touched a nerve, told you the truth in your face. But you shouldn't be offended by this. He said unpleasant things to you directly, rather than gossiping behind your back.
As soon as you notice yourself “counting” grievances, start practicing self-improvement: read something interesting, learn new words, try cooking a dish by looking for a new recipe. Run away from grievances, do not accumulate them, otherwise there will be no place for positive feelings and good deeds in your life.
