And also strangers. If there were no hope for help and mutual assistance, it would be difficult for people in difficult times to cope with their problems; they would not be able to survive it on their own. Not everyone can find the right words that help show compassion. However, only your presence will replace all phrases prepared in advance.
The right words in difficult times
How can you support a person with words if there is no way to see him? You can give advice and show mutual support over the phone. The most important thing is that the support is not false, but sounds very sincere. You can ask if you might need some help. The inadequate emotional state of a person who has something happened does not always give him the opportunity to adequately evaluate everything that is told to him. In this case, the intonation and rhythm of the voice are important, while exerting a hypnotic effect on it and calming it.
They are supported not only by words in difficult times, but also by the very readiness to provide help and protection. Only the fact that you will be with the person will add strength and a little confidence to him.
What words can you use to support someone? There are several phrases that are customary to say in such situations: “I sympathize”, “Time heals wounds”, “I’m very sorry”, “With time everything will subside, everything will pass” and many others. But if a person does not feel sincerity while hearing these phrases, then they will not have any positive impact on him.
Choose your words carefully
Before you say anything, think carefully, put yourself in that person’s shoes. To console you in this situation? It is necessary to interest him, to “hook” him into a wonderful future, to tell him what changes and new good situations await him. Every woman, if she breaks up with her husband after many years together, feels oppressed and that her life has been cut short. She doesn't see anything good in the future. And ordinary support will not help her; a special plan should be applied that will help get out of the situation.
The phrase “Calm down, pull yourself together, everything will pass” should not be said, since there is no specific future in it. You can talk about how at this age life is just beginning, that there are good moments ahead. At forty or fifty years old, with rich life experience, it is easier to find a life partner with whom you can create a strong and reliable family. Offer to go shopping, stop by a beauty salon while shopping, put on some beauty so that the abandoned wife feels like a princess again.
If a person's loved one has died, stay close to him and help organize the funeral. Very often they help bring a person out of despair of tasks and issues that urgently need to be resolved. Say that your friend’s family needs support. If you play the role of a comforter, the friend himself will provide support and think about responsibility for his family.
All women are very sensitive, so even a minor disturbance can upset them. At this moment, support is important for girls, especially if it comes from a loved one. How to support a girl when she feels bad?
There are two ways to support a girl in difficult times. The first is moral support, that is, words. The second involves actions that allow a woman to feel the care and protection of her loved one. If everything is done correctly, you can achieve a quick change in the mood of your chosen one.
- Seeing that a girl is upset about something, it is necessary to find out the reason for this. If a woman wants to tell, then you just need to listen to her, without interrupting, but simply nodding your head. Personal opinions should be kept to yourself. If a girl does not want to tell anything, then under no circumstances should you force her. You just need to let her cry and be there.
- You should not try to impose your solutions to this problem or advise something. This is especially true in situations where the decision is complex. Otherwise, the girl will be even more upset, thinking that there is no way out.
- It is necessary to empathize, but only positive emotions should come from the young man. This point is very important. It is necessary to set up a woman for positive developments in the future, that everything will change for the better. Thus, the girl herself will soon believe that everything will be fine.
- Whatever the problem, no matter how minor, should not be downplayed. Therefore, phrases such as “it doesn’t matter at all”, “yes, I’ve had this happen a hundred times and nothing” is not suitable. Otherwise, the woman will think that her loved one does not perceive her problem in any way and it will seem to her that he is simply mocking. And this will create even greater frustration.
- Humor is one of the most important components of human life. But it should always be appropriate. If a girl is upset, then you can try to make her laugh, distract her from her problems with an entertaining and comic story. At the same time, there is no need to be afraid of looking funny and ridiculous. You can sing a funny song. Even if the guy doesn’t have a voice, it will only be a plus. If the cause of the experience was a specific person who offended her, then you can try to talk about him in a humorous tone.
Verbal support through real communication or correspondence is only the first stage; then physical contact is necessary. It involves light touches and hugs. But under no circumstances should you blatantly pester, this will not only not reassure your beloved, but can also destroy the relationship.
When a person hugs or touches another, the latter releases oxytocin. This is the name of the hormone that increases the feeling of connection, affection, trust and intimacy. You can simply hold the girl’s hands, stroke her palm, put your hand on her shoulder. These actions will be quite enough.
You can also encourage a girl by going to the cinema, bowling or some other entertaining place. It’s good if you come up with something truly unusual and romantic for a woman. This will pleasantly surprise your beloved and distract her from resentment.
What should you be careful about?
The main goal of a man is to support the girl, to show her his care, love, protection. Therefore, it is important not to “go too far”, but to act very carefully. You need to be careful with jokes. If it is clear that they are not having an impact on the girl, then it is better to stop doing it.
Women always appreciate all the efforts of men to console them, but not every girl likes this, preferring to be alone in difficult moments of life. If a guy sees that she wants to be alone, or a woman speaks so directly about it, then you should leave her. But there is no need to go far, because she should feel something about her loved one nearby and she can talk to him at any moment.
- When talking with your chosen one, you must be sincere, patient, and kind. You don't need to ask her to smile, otherwise she might get angry. Therefore, you should try to make her smile not because of a request, but because of a joke, a pleasant compliment, or good news.
- Under no circumstances should a man pester an upset woman, intrude with kisses and other intimate things. In difficult moments, a girl wants to be understood, surrounded by care, and not pestered.
- You cannot ignore your beloved because her problem is insignificant. She needs to know that the young man supports her, whatever the situation.
How to cheer up a sick girl?
Illness is an unpleasant phenomenon that every person encounters more than once in his life. For representatives of the fair sex, it is perceived poorly, because even a common cold worsens the appearance that they value so much. At this point, women usually do not want to be seen by their loved one, especially if the relationship is still developing.
In this case, a good way for men to cheer up a sick girl is to give compliments. She needs to do them often. But you also need to be careful with pleasant words. The compliment should express a comparison of the recovering state with the patient.
For example, you should not simply say to a sick person: “What beautiful eyes you have,” but should be rephrased as follows: “Today your eyes radiate notes of a healthy princess.” You can also use the following compliments for a man: “Every day your cheeks are getting pinker,” “You may look tired, but you are still the most beautiful girl in the world.”
If your loved one has fallen ill with some serious pathology, then the young man should not show her his experiences. When she is sick, you need to behave positively, put the young lady in the same mood, make her believe that everything will be fine.
Throughout this difficult time, a girl should not feel lonely for a second. It is important to surround her with care, love, to always be there, to show how dear and loved she is. All problems end someday, you should understand this and not focus on the unpleasant moments of life.
In life we often face various obstacles. This could be job loss, illness, death of a family member, financial troubles. At such a moment, it is difficult for a person to find the strength within himself and move on. He so needs support at this moment, a friendly shoulder, warm words. How to choose the right words of support that can really help a person in difficult times?
Expressions that should not be used
There are a number of common phrases that first come to mind when you need to support someone. It's better not to say these words:
- Don't worry!
- Everything will work out! Everything will be fine!
At a time when the world has collapsed, this sounds like a mockery. The man is faced with the fact that he does not know how to solve his problem. He needs to think about how to fix everything. He is not sure that the situation will turn out in his favor and he will be able to stay afloat. So, how will the empty statement that everything will work out help? Such words sound even more blasphemous if your friend has lost a loved one.
- Do not Cry!
Tears are the body's natural way of coping with stress. You need to let the person cry, speak out, and give free rein to their emotions. He will feel better. Just hug and be close.
- There is no need to give examples of people who are even worse off
A person who has lost his job and has nothing to feed his family does not care at all that children are starving somewhere in Africa. Anyone who has just learned of a serious diagnosis is not very interested in cancer mortality statistics. You should also not give examples that relate to mutual friends.
When trying to support a loved one, remember that at the moment he is morally depressed by his problem. You need to carefully select your expressions so as not to accidentally offend or touch on a sore subject. Let's figure out how to support a person.
Words that will help you survive the turning point
When our loved ones find themselves in difficult situations, we are lost and often do not know how to behave. But words spoken at the right moment can inspire, console, and restore faith in oneself. The following phrases will help you feel your support:
- We will get through this together.
In difficult times, it is important to know that you are not alone. Let your loved one feel that you are not indifferent to his grief and that you are ready to share all the difficulties with him.
- I understand how you feel.
When you are in trouble, it is important to be heard. It's good to have someone nearby who understands you. If you have found yourself in a similar situation, tell us about it. Share your thoughts and emotions at that moment. But there is no need to tell how you heroically dealt with the situation. Just let them know that you have been in your friend’s shoes. But you got through it and he will get through it too.
- Time will pass and it will become easier.
Indeed, this is a fact. We no longer even remember many of the troubles in life that happened to us a year or two ago. All troubles remain in the past. Sooner or later we find a replacement for a betrayed friend or unhappy love. Financial problems are also gradually being resolved. You can find a new job, pay off a loan, cure an illness or alleviate its symptoms. Even sadness from the death of a loved one passes over time. It is important to survive the moment of shock and move on.
- You've been in worse situations. And nothing, you did it!
Surely your friend has already faced obstacles in life and found a way out of them. Remind him that he is a strong, courageous person and is capable of solving any problem. Cheer him up. Show him that he can survive this difficult moment with dignity.
- It's not your fault what happened.
The feeling of guilt for what happened is the first thing that prevents you from looking at the situation soberly. Let your loved one know that this is how the circumstances developed and anyone else could have been in his place. There is no point in looking for those responsible for the trouble; you need to try to solve the problem.
- Is there anything I can do for you?
Perhaps your friend needs help, but doesn't know who to turn to. Or he doesn't feel comfortable saying it. Take the initiative.
- Tell him that you admire his endurance and fortitude.
When a person is morally depressed by difficult circumstances, such words inspire. They are able to restore a person’s faith in their own strength.
- Don't worry, I'll be there right away!
These are the most important words that each of us wants to hear at a turning point. Everyone needs someone close and understanding nearby. Don't leave your loved one alone!
Help your friend approach the situation with humor. Every drama has a little comedy. Defuse the situation. Laugh together at the girl who dumped him, or at the pompous director who fired him from his job. This will allow you to look at the situation in a more optimistic light. After all, everything can be solved and corrected while we are alive.
The best support is to be there
The main thing we say is not with words, but with our actions. A sincere hug, a timely handkerchief or napkin, or a glass of water can say more than you think.
Transfer some of the household issues to yourself. Provide all possible assistance. After all, at the moment of shock, a person is not even able to cook dinner, go to the grocery store, or pick up children from kindergarten. If your friend has lost a family member, help with funeral arrangements. Make the necessary arrangements and just be there.
Gently shift the person's attention to something mundane that is not related to their grief. Keep him busy with something. Invite to the cinema, order pizza. Find a reason to get outside and take a walk.
Sometimes silence is better than any, even the most sincere words. Listen to your friend, let him speak out, express his emotions. Let him talk about his pain, about how confused and depressed he is. Don't interrupt him. Let him say his problem out loud as many times as necessary. This will help you look at the situation from the outside and see solutions. And you just be close to your loved one in a difficult moment for him.
Olga, St. Petersburg
You and I have known each other for a long time
You are like a sister to me, there is no one closer
In frustration and joy we are at the same time
And both already have the same heart.
You will always understand me perfectly
And so that the years don’t throw life away
Whether it be happiness or great misfortune,
Blind enmity will not touch us.
I trust you with my secrets,
Will you tell me about unhappy love?
I'll cry with you, but don't call me
We can't go back to our childhood days.
And how much more lies ahead?
Don't look back, go boldly to tomorrow
I will be with you on the thorny path
That's why we're friends, so we can go together.
So let true friendship protect us
How the sun will warm you and protect you from troubles
Let our laughter ring brighter, more sparkling
And let the boat of grievances float by.
What to wish your friend on her birthday?
Health, happiness, joy, good luck!
There is a sea of mutual love, without a doubt,
Smile more often and don't cry.
Let our female friendship from now on
He guides you like a prophetic star!
May it never cool down,
But it only warms for many years!
Hello my friend!
How are you feeling, how are you doing...
Would you like to have a moment to chat with me?...
Even if it’s virtual... it doesn’t matter...
You are in no hurry... and very well...
Stay longer as a “guest” with me...
What, the computer froze... it’s nothing...
Let everything hang... and you and I are “friends”
How's your health, kids, how's your family?...
Problems at work?... Hold on...
We are “Odnoklassniki”... you can’t be sad...
Fortune will be ours... this is life...
Well, let’s take our breath away a little...
Thank you, my sunshine...
Oh yes... now I’ll send you poems...
And you sent me something of yours...
How good it is that YOU are on Earth...
What a meeting Fate gave us...
And every evening I rush to you...
Hello girlfriend.. how are you doing?
Our friendship has many years,
Everyone worried together:
And scandals and success,
And repairs (and laughter and sin).
Don't let a man quarrel between us,
Even if he were Al Pacino!
I prefer my friend
Washing, ironing and labor.
I'm dying for my friend,
To the burning house for her!
For her, if necessary, I
I'll even become a man!
You were born on an autumn day,
And this day is now special.
You decorate him with a smile,
After all, there will be many wishes.
Don't count your years
They run the same road
You always draw wisdom from them,
But don't judge strictly.
After all, life is not an easy path,
And a year changes a lot.
I found love and a husband -
The soul will not be lonely.
Health, happiness and good luck
Fate will bring a gift,
Career growth to boot -
I'll be lucky with your skill.
And of course, like everyone else,
To make the tummy round,
And in your house there is only laughter
It poured uncontrollably and loudly!
I wish you happiness and goodness,
I wish you a full life,
I wish you joy in the morning
Until late at night.
I wish to succeed in everything in life,
And not to grow old, but to grow younger.
Maintain health and vigor
And live for many, many years.
Sorry friend, I just got tired,
Family, work, different things...
And youth has already flown away,
But how bright it was...
Do you remember our days together?
After all, these were happy days, believe me!
And you and I didn’t sit still,
They broke into every door that was closed to us!
We were brave, daring, rebellious,
We did all sorts of things playfully,
And the world seemed endless and spacious to us,
I only now realized all this.
May you be far from me, dear friend,
And let everyone go through life on their own,
But mentally we are close, helping each other,
And I will not sell this friendship for any money!
The woman smells like poison
Risk of dangerous encounters.
The woman smells like a reward
If you take care of it.
Hands smell like vanilla
Sometimes a salty tear
If there is a river of separation
Years and cities.
Woman smells like train
Gossip, intrigue, spirits,
Song of the magic flute
From the labyrinth of dreams.
Smells barely noticeable
Spicy bouquet of wine.
A woman smells like a man
If she's in love.
Smitten, then overnight
You lose peace for a long time.
But, God, what happiness
To be like this with a Woman!
Let's sit quietly and chat,
Let's heal the wounds of the abraded soul,
And you know what, dear friend,
Oh, how good these meetings are,
It's easy to understand one glance movement,
One nod, a smile between words,
It's nice that you don't have to guess
Thinking through a dialogue with a friend,
Words fly, thoughts run after thoughts,
Will I have time to tell everything during the meeting?
Of course not, because all the moments of life,
I can't express it in words...
But, however, all words are not necessary,
You will hear my heartbeat and so,
You will see a trembling, and following your gaze,
You will notice everything, even if it’s a trifle.
And I see that you, my friend,
After so many years, she got to know me like that,
How do you feel when there is a blizzard in your heart,
Or the soul burns from fire,
And without even saying a word,
With just one glance you enter the soul,
And she is always ready for you,
Reveal all your secrets and dreams,
God bless you, my friend,
From all sorrows, grief and adversity,
From the heavy thoughts of life's circle,
Let the sun illuminate your sky,
It has long been ingrained in me,
And she became even bigger than her sister,
We will warm each other's lives with rays,
Coming from the warmth of the soul.
You have a golden character
I was able to appreciate this!
There's no one like you
I won't let anyone beat you off!
Darling, may it last for many years
Happiness will not change even love.
Immerse yourself in their radiant light
And remember, I am always with you!
Thank you dear friend
Because you were nearby
When I was very sad
When I was left alone
Thank you dear friend
For your kind words
For being able to support me
For understanding me
Thank you you will hear again and again
More than once you will hear the phone ringing
Because I know you can understand me
You will find the words you need
When I'm sad and lonely
When I'm happy and cheerful
I'll just share this with you
My dear friend
And I want you to know
And so that I always remember
What if things get difficult for you?
I understand the desire of the reader of this article to find universal words of support for another person. Well, I’ll try to write them, or rather, write some recommendations on how to find them. At the same time, the beginning of this article may seem uninteresting and unimportant to a few people. In this case, I suggest skipping a few paragraphs to read and find what they are looking for. For myself, I reserve the desire to first describe the mechanism by which the desire or inability to support other people is formed.
Anyone who grew up in an environment and atmosphere of lack of attention and warmth, care and comforting words of support is not able to provide attention and care, or support a person with words in difficult times. This happens often, but not always.
There are rare exceptions in which a person, having no experience of support from other people, strives to compensate for the quality of character he lacks. How does this happen? He pays great attention to what is happening in his relationships with people, how he communicates with them, takes into account the needs of others, and gradually, changing his treatment of others, rebuilds his behavior to what he wants. Over time, the experience is consolidated and becomes a natural communication style.
In crisis situations or situations, a person with a new communication style is able to lose control of himself and return to the previous style of communication, ignoring, suppressing, the other person. A kind of “swing” can haunt a person all his life, and a feeling of guilt towards himself for such breakdowns can also haunt him all his life.
According to my observations from work experience, I noticed that people never told me that in childhood they were deprived of toys, things and other material joys. At the same time, I always come across stories in which people talk about being deprived of warmth and support. This gave me the idea that it is parental care, warmth and support that is fundamental in the development of the human psyche.
Simply feeding a child, dressing him for the weather, bathing him and going for walks with him is not enough. There is also an emotional sphere that strives for satisfaction through words of sympathy, verbal support, physical contact (hug, stroking, touching), recognition of the right to one’s opinion, .... Ignoring the emotional sphere in raising a child means depriving the child of the opportunity to fully develop.
A year and a half ago, I witnessed a conversation between men, one of whom said: - We ourselves push children away from us, ignoring their interests and desires, we skimp on the expression of feelings, and then we wonder why children treat us so coldly. These seemingly simple words made me and my friend think.
Words of support in difficult moments, or at moments of life choice, are incredibly important for someone who is in a difficult emotional state. It feels like words of support do not allow you to fall into the abyss, and give you the feeling that “I am not alone with my problem, that there is someone who understands me and shares my experiences with me.”
I don’t know what words of support are universal for all people, but the fact that a person will be attentive to the concerns and problems of another is in itself very supportive. There is no need to think that they are not important to another person and that he can easily do without them. If you are looking for universal words of support in this article that you would like to say to another person, then I will write the following: say sincerely what you feel. If you feel pain, joy, anxiety, for another person ( you know, your story somehow resonates with me with sadness, and I understand how hard it is for you now. Is there any way I can support you?), sometimes it’s better to talk about it than “don’t worry, everything will pass”... Such words do not console, and sometimes they only exacerbate sensitivity. A person doesn’t know whether he will “pass” or “fail”; it’s difficult for him now.
Speak for yourself what you feel - it helps a lot! Shared experience, sharing feelings, is much more supportive than banal comforting words without sincerity. If there are no sincere feelings, I think it would be easier if the person simply remained silent, since forced words without sincerity are felt and perceived by the other person as false. After all, no one forces you to say something when, for example, a friend has a problem.
It is not necessary to support another person only in difficult moments, but also in moments of joy when he manages to start or complete an important task. By supporting a person ONLY in difficult moments, you involuntarily create the feeling of a one-sided relationship (for me, it is only important when you are going through difficult periods in your life).
If you want to support another person with words, but don’t know what to say, ask yourself the question - “if I had the same situation, what words of support would I want to hear”? Write them down. If there are several options, well – it’s just great – there is plenty to choose from. Then, listen to your feelings and choose what “catches” you more.
There are people who deliberately do not say words of support, purely for their own mercantile reasons. A case from practice comes to mind in which a woman said that her husband did not support her interests and desires.
—Sometimes he simply resists meeting my needs and sets his own conditions..
— I have a feeling that if he supported you in your ideas and interests, then you could even move mountains, - I said.
— Yes, but when he forbids me to do something myself, I don’t want to create a conflict, and I stop wanting.
— I also have the feeling that he is simply afraid that you will become independent, because it is beneficial for him that you be dependent on him - this is how he feels his. I also have a feeling that he satisfies his needs at the expense of you.
— Yes.
I have met people for whom it is so difficult to speak words of encouragement that they choose to remain silent, or even talk nonsense. Not only are they unable to talk about support, but they also manage to demand it for themselves from other people in various ways. This is not the limit of impudence, it is a character trait that is based on the child-parent relationship, which is perceived as the utmost impudence.
There are still people who do everything to the maximum in order to receive support and recognition. They try to be good, to meet someone’s expectations (sometimes created by their own imagination), to look appropriate (what will they think of me), in order to satisfy the need for recognition. At the same time, when they receive support, recognition, attention, they behave as if no one showed interest in them. It feels like they remain forever emotionally “hungry”, unable to accept what they need and what they are so careful to get from other people in the relationship. But that is another story…
Words of support at a funeral
Several times I attended the funerals of my family and friends, acquaintances and not so well, and I can say with confidence that words of support at a funeral, as paradoxical as it may sound, are superfluous. At the same time, support and assistance in organizing the funeral, financial support, or simply being nearby is very important. I think that there are no universal words of support that could calm someone who is experiencing the trauma of loss.
