“How to communicate correctly”? This is not an idle question. Where to start here? When you start getting acquainted with something new, the best option is to turn to the time-tested “classics” of the genre. Do you need an expert in your business? Then get acquainted with creativity Dale Carnegie! We have collected Carnegie's best thoughts on the topic of “communication” in this article.
Dale Carnegie, photo
Biography
D. Carnegie was born in 1888 in Missouri (USA). The son of a poor farmer showed an interest in learning from a young age. As Dale grew older, he became more and more involved in public speaking. He spoke at the college debating club - and his admiring fellow students began asking him to teach them how to speak just like him.
But talent is one thing (we are all talented, aren’t we?), and the harsh truth of life is another. For some reason, the surrounding farmers did not want to learn public speaking skills, and Dale took on the job of “whatever he found.” He was a salesman, a delivery boy... even an actor! In 1912, Carnegie ventured to open another public speaking school, this time in New York. Surprisingly (then such things were new), things worked out - people flocked to Dale.
He quickly realized that people not only want to speak beautifully, but also to get along with their neighbors. Carnegie began writing books on the topic of relationships - and again hit the nail on the head. “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” “How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public”—these and other books made Dale Carnegie one of the most popular people in America in the 1930s. X. 80 years have passed since then, but Carnegie’s advice has not become less relevant.
Rule #1: Don't criticize
Russia is often—and deservedly—called the “country of Soviets.” In fact, your interlocutor always knows what, how, where and with whom you should do. He, of course, wants to help, but... “Criticizing is a sure way to make enemies,” writes Dale Carnegie. Do you want to be alone? Criticize. You are not a champion of justice, but a victim of inability to behave.
“Criticism is useless, because it puts a person in a defensive position and encourages him to look for an excuse for himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious sense of self-justification, attacks his sense of self-worth, and arouses in him a feeling of resentment and indignation.”
Because of criticism, talented people quit creating, because of criticism they die... Moreover, no one knows exactly how a person will react to criticism. Is it worth it?
How to refrain from criticism?
Just take a break, don’t blurt out what’s on your heart. Take a deep breath, hold your breath, exhale slowly, count to 10 and only then continue the conversation. You will be surprised that you can completely do without another barb.
Is it a “I can’t be silent” situation? Point out the mistake gently, correctly, without pressure. Not directly (“How sick of your smoking I am”), but indirectly (tell a story about how smokers get sick). The main rule of constructive criticism is - do not criticize a person as an individual, talk only about his work and behavior. “You’re a lousy worker” is wrong. “Here you are a little mistaken” - correct. And immediately explain how you can correct the situation.
Rule No. 2 Sincerely admire people - and you will win
You will very quickly win the favor of someone you sincerely admire! Sincerely, people often misunderstand this advice, flatter and fawn. According to Carnegie, this rule is the most important.
How to achieve this? Remember, or better yet, write down:
“Everyone deserves admiration, including you.”
Love yourself - and it will not be difficult for you to recognize the importance of any other person. And if so, then hostility will be replaced by friendliness, antipathy - by sympathy. A person who sincerely admires people receives something intangible, but very valuable - a wonderful feeling of good done for his neighbor. This will not soon be forgotten.
History "on the topic":
One of the Carnegie course students went with his wife to visit her relatives. His wife left him to talk with her elderly aunt, while she went off somewhere with other, younger relatives. Left alone with the old lady, the guest decided to put into practice what he had recently learned and began to look for something to admire. Looking around, he said that he was delighted with his aunt’s house, so bright and spacious, the likes of which had not been built for a long time. Touched, the aunt said that she and her husband designed this house themselves, that it was exactly what they dreamed of, and that love itself built it. After showing the guest the whole house (he never ceased to admire), the hostess brought him to the garage and said that she wanted to give him an almost new car, which her husband bought shortly before his death. The guest began to refuse, offering to give the car to closer relatives or sell it, but she didn’t want to hear about it, saying that she would give this car only to him - a person who can appreciate beautiful things. For her, the drop of kindness and attention that this almost stranger gave her turned out to be priceless, and thanks to this he instantly became dearer and closer than her blood relatives.
Remember the great truth: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do you want admiration? Admire yourself! And in return you will receive even more than you expected.
Rule #3 - Show interest in people!
Modern society raises egoists. Me, me, me, me! Everyone wants attention, but few are willing to show this attention. Watch yourself. How do you communicate with people? Do you notice what they are wearing, what hairstyle they have, what facial expression, what mood? No? You probably think more about yourself - what impression you will make on your interlocutor. Your communication is like a broken phone. A wall of misunderstanding grows between you and your interlocutor - everyone talks about their own things, neither one nor the other listens to each other. This is the appearance of communication.
But it’s so easy to change it! Show sincere interest and you will receive the same in return. Just don’t forget to tell yourself every morning in front of the mirror - I am a worthy, interesting person!
Carnegie told the story of magician Howard Thurston. He was successful in his craft because he did not mistake the audience for “village cattle”, but was grateful to them for coming to see him. Before each appearance on stage, he says to himself: “I love my audience.”
Be friendly, listen carefully to your interlocutor, call him by name, know when his birthday is (and don’t forget to congratulate him), talk about what interests him, fulfill small requests - and people will be drawn to you! The wife of Theodore Roosevelt's valet recalled that she once said in the presence of the president that she did not know what a partridge looked like. Roosevelt described the bird's appearance to her in detail. That same day, the phone rang in her cottage: the head of the country called her to say: ma’am, a partridge is just walking under your window! Well, isn't it great?
Rule #4 - Give people what they want
How do you act when you want to get something from another person? Often we start talking about why we want it and how important it is to us. The logic “if I want it, you owe me!” works. Don't you do that? Come on. Remember the child who doesn’t want to eat your (really excellent) semolina porridge.
How to feed a child “correctly”? Come from the other side - find out what he wants! Maybe he wants to become strong and punch the main bully in the class? Doesn’t your little princess want to quickly become an adult beauty? So tell your child that porridge will help him with this :). Does your son smoke? Explain to him that the “smokers” do not stay in football, which he loves so much. The principle “if you want, then you must” already works here. Awaken in a person the desire to VOLUNTARILY do what you need - and the job is done.
History from Carnegie. The manager of the venue that Dale rented for his performances notified him by mail that the rent had tripled. 300 percent! Carnegie wrote him a polite, most correct letter. He wrote: I understand that you are at work, and your task is to earn as much money as possible. But my departure will be disadvantageous to you. Will the fees from dances and meetings be able to compensate for the income from Carnegie, whom thousands of people came to listen to?! The manager agreed with Dale's arguments. He did, however, raise the rent, but only by 50 percent.
“Please note,” Carnegie wrote, “I received this discount without saying a word about what I would like, and all the time talking about what the other wants and how he can achieve it.”
If you want to receive something, do not ask, but offer help. It works. The one who can take the place of another person and follows this rule will achieve everything.
Rule #5 - Smile!
People love those who smile. Those who feel happy smile. What does it take to become happy? Dale Carnegie is convinced - absolutely nothing. Start being happy now, without any reason! Don't wait for joyful events - they rarely come to those who are sad all the time. Become a magnet for them! Catch on to the smallest joy in your life (and everyone certainly has them) - and go ahead!
Seven rules of happiness
- Let there be “right” thoughts in your head - about peace, courage, health, hope. Life is what our thoughts make it. We are what our thoughts are.
- Don't waste time and energy on enemies. The best thing you can do is forget about their existence altogether.
- Don't expect gratitude from anyone, don't be upset by ingratitude. Don't be like such people - you are above this!
- Count your blessings, not your misfortunes. Carnegie tells a story about a man who... was always worried. Even for the most insignificant reasons. But one day he met a disabled man without both legs, who smiled broadly at him and said, “Good morning, sir. It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?" The man felt ashamed. After all, he... he has two whole legs! After this incident, he wrote on the bathroom mirror: “I was upset about the lack of boots until I met a man without legs.” Be happy with what you have, dear reader.
- Don't imitate others - be yourself. People try to imitate others - and suffer from neuroses and complexes all their lives. You are unique, you have a lot of advantages. And yes - all other roles are already taken :).
- If you get a lemon, make lemonade. Even failure can be turned into success. Money is tight? You will be forced to get a profession, become a real pro and achieve great success. Carnegie knew a farmer who raised rattlesnakes on a barren plot of land, whose venom and skins were very expensive. Change minus to plus!
- Instead of worrying about your own problems, start giving joy to people! Start every day by thinking about who and what you can please today. Damn nice and exciting thing, let me tell you!
One phrase that will change your destiny
Just eight words.
“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”
Think about good things and you will notice how joyful thoughts attract joyful events.
And yes - don’t beat yourself up! This cannot be done even as a joke. If you think badly about yourself, do 10 squats.
Always smile before starting a conversation. This way you will get a tremendous advantage - you will win the person over, help him relieve tension, and become more open in communication. A smile helps in work too!
Rule #6 - Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes
“Three quarters of the people you meet tomorrow want sympathy. Show it and they will love you." Quite a quote about our life, isn’t it?
Do you want to get something from your interlocutor that he does not agree to? There is only one way to influence a person. Put yourself in his place, understand why he thinks this way - and only then look for common ground. An aggressive, angry person can behave this way because deep down in his soul he is afraid of being humiliated and rejected. Therefore, he sees hostility even where there is none. A person who commits a dirty trick may simply not imagine the consequences of the offense. Sometimes people simply lack human touch and empathy.
Once you understand the reason, you will understand how you can help. Help is not always needed—sympathy is usually enough. By giving this to your interlocutor, you will win him forever. Develop empathy - the ability to temporarily step away from yourself and understand the feelings of another. Without value judgments - just with a desire to understand his situation. The first and most important rule in working to develop empathy is to value and respect yourself. A self-respecting person is capable of empathy.
Example from Dale Carnegie. At the beginning of his career, he had a conflict with boys who burned bonfires in the park (and, of course, this was not allowed). For disobedience, Dale threatened the children with prison! “They obeyed, but they did it gloomily and with a sense of resentment.” And as soon as Carnegie left, they started burning again - this time out of spite. After some time, he realized that he had made a mistake. The approach has changed. Once, finding children doing the same thing, Carnegie said the following:
"Hi guys! Having a good time? What are you cooking for dinner? When I was a boy, I really loved to make fires, and I still do, but you know, here in the park it is very dangerous. I know you won't do any harm, but the other guys aren't so careful. They will come here, see that you are making a fire, they will light it themselves and will not put it out before leaving. The fire will spread through the dry leaves and burn the trees. If you are not careful, all the trees may die. And you can be sent to prison for lighting fires. But I’m not going to command here and interfere with your games... But please, right now, rake the leaves from the fire and cover them with earth. Will you do this? Next time you want to play, wouldn't it be better to build a fire over the hill in the sand? It's completely safe there... Thanks, guys. I hope you have a good time."
Do you feel it? Now Carnegie did not offend the children, but took into account their point of view and showed respect for it. There was no “commanding tone”, children’s pride was not hurt, and nothing prevented the children from following Carnegie’s advice.
With this rule, Dale was able to get out of an awkward situation. Speaking on the radio, he confused the place of residence of a famous writer. She lived in Massachusetts, and he blurted out “New Hampshire.” Readers were just as mischievous 80 years ago as they are today—an elderly lady in Massachusetts sent an angry letter that sent Carnegie into a rage. Today there is the Internet and comments, then there was a telephone - but Dale did not answer immediately and tell everything he thought about the lady. A couple of weeks later, he decided to call her and... thank her for the letter. He further apologized for the mistake he had made and once again expressed gratitude that the lady had taken the time to write to him. The woman was embarrassed and began to apologize for being wrong and losing her temper. In the end, she said that she was ashamed of her letter. They parted as friends. Again, in our lives it is very easy to imagine a similar scenario - and do the right thing.
Rule #7 - Admit your mistakes
“When we feel that they are going to give us a good thrashing, isn’t it better to get ahead of the accuser and do it ourselves? Isn’t it easier to endure self-criticism than to listen to reproaches from other people’s lips?”
Agree with the criticism! Do this calmly, without unnecessary emotions, without self-flagellation and self-humiliation. Your opponent will simply have nothing to say! He clearly does not expect such a reaction to his words, and the swearing will subside as soon as it begins. You are not guilty of anything, but you are accused? Just play this game. “Yes, yes, I agree with everything” (although in fact you are, as they say, “violet”). “Are you blind, or what? “Yes, I can’t see well.” Don’t bother yourself with thoughts like “this is wrong” - when attacked, you need to fight back, and this is simply a very effective way.
This is necessary (and worth) to learn. “On automatic” we always try to say some nasty thing in response, to “pick up” the offender. Just take a break, take a deep breath, give yourself 2 seconds - and calmly admit the mistake. Believe me, it won't get worse for you. And don’t forget that some people just really want to provoke you and revel in your irritation (“trolling”, energy vampirism, etc.).
Carnegie loved to walk his little dog, Rex, in (probably the same) park without a leash or muzzle. Well, what can such a creature do to a person? But the policeman who worked in the park didn’t like it. He warned Carnegie that he would fine him in the future or even go to court if Dale did not walk the dog properly. At first he did just that, but then, of course, he “scored” - and, of course, he got caught. Seeing the servant of the law, Carnegie spoke first. He said that he was aware of his guilt and was ready to bear any punishment. The servant of the law liked this approach and replied something like “oh well, such a dog really won’t harm anyone.” Carnegie insisted - after all, he broke the law. “Nothing, nothing.” “What if she kills the squirrel?!” Carnegie cried. “In my opinion, you took the matter too seriously,” the policeman smiled.
Do you sense Carnegie's strategy? He said everything that a police officer could say for him. And he was released in peace. Many people have a developed sense of contradiction. If you defend yourself, they will peck you. If you criticize yourself, they will protect you (from yourself) and praise you. So simple, so useful law!
How to learn not to be upset by criticism?
It's a shame when they say bad things about you. But you don’t have to be offended by negativity addressed to you! How?
- Unfair criticism is a hidden compliment. You have already achieved something, and, as an option, a) they envy you b) they want to assert themselves at your expense. If you are scolded, it means you are worth something.
- People will always criticize you. There will always be those who like what you do and those who don’t like it. This is how this world works.
- Be self-critical and hold yourself accountable for your mistakes. Don't wait to be criticized - do everything right. Carnegie told his students about a soap salesman. His product was good, his price was good, but his sales were poor. Then he began to visit failed clients and ask them what he had done wrong. He learned a lot of useful things for himself, made friends with people - and in the end, of course, became the president of a large soap company.
Rule #8 - Appeal to nobility and be noble yourself
See the good in a person and he will become your friend. People treat us the same way we treat them. That is life. Try - at least for fun - to convince a person that he is good and noble. Tell the workers who are doing renovations in your apartment that you have heard about them as the best in the city. They will try their best to live up to your words.
A few words about trust. “You can’t trust anyone these days!” This is partly true. Believing blindly is stupid. Make inquiries, check the person. If it passes the “test”, trust it! The person will most likely reciprocate your feelings. If a girl, seeing a hooligan, asks him to take her home to protect her from... hooligans, he will do it! Everyone wants, if not to be good and kind, then at least to play this role.
Rule No. 9 - abandon the commanding tone
Do you like being ordered around? No, and no one likes it. Pressure is an effective, but “disposable” weapon. The child will obey - but will harbor a grudge. The buyer will buy the imposed product - but will not return. The employee will listen to the shout, but will begin to look for another job. People are not things. The mind, heart and soul will always protest against the commanding tone.
Try replacing the order with a question. “Would you like to do this?”, “How do you feel about doing this?” Carnegie suggests the following algorithm:
- Think about an action you want to entrust to a colleague, acquaintance or family member. Is he/she ready to do this? Do you have the strength, experience, knowledge?
- State the problem in the form of a question. Not “do this”, but “How can we do this?”, “Would you like to participate with me in solving this problem?”
- During the work process, give maximum independence - both in business and in assessment. You can advise, but not command or control. Not “Do your best work,” but “How do you evaluate the results of your work?”
- Encourage participants - financially (not necessarily with money) or simple gratitude.
Another option is to skillfully lead the person to the thought you want. So that he feels that this thought belongs to himself. Carnegie gives an example from the political career of T. Roosevelt. He needed to install “his man” as governor of New York State. He invited the party leaders to nominate a candidate themselves - but skillfully rejected the proposed candidates until he got the “right one” the fourth time. As a result, the party members felt their importance, and Roosevelt achieved the desired result, and at the same time forced his Republican opponents to support his radical reforms (“quid pro quo”).
Carnegie also wrote about the “method of positive answers,” which today is known as the “rule of three yeses.” And indeed, if a person answers affirmatively to several of your questions, it will be more difficult for him to say an unnecessary “no” to you. Just start with points that your interlocutor will agree with. And don’t forget - you shouldn’t argue, and you shouldn’t speak in an orderly tone.
Rule #10 - Learn to praise and approve of other people
No matter how you look at it, praise is better than criticism. Criticism makes people furious; praise makes them better. Children who were not praised in childhood are prone to depression and neurosis, more often give up halfway and cannot find themselves in life. A 10-year-old boy who worked in a factory in Naples dreamed of becoming a singer. But his first teacher said that the boy is anything but a singer, because a singer needs a voice (at this point a person from the 21st century can smile), but a child can only howl. But his mother, a simple peasant woman, hugged her son and said that he was singing better and better. She didn’t even have shoes - all her money went to singing lessons. But it was worth it - after all, her son’s name was Caruso!
How to learn to praise? Once again Carnegie repeats - from himself. Love, appreciate, praise yourself - and you will not be sorry for pleasant words addressed to your interlocutor. Right now, start praising yourself (for example, for finishing reading Dale Carnegie’s rules of life). Praise yourself for every little thing, for a mere trifle! Go to the mirror and say: “I’m great!” Write down your shortcomings on a piece of paper - and forgive yourself for them, because no one is perfect on this sinful earth. Write down your virtues and praise yourself for being so wonderful. “Talk” to yourself as a child, say that you love him (yourself as a child) very much, and there is no one more loved. If you received little praise as a child, this will help increase your self-esteem.
Self-esteem - tips to improve
- Don't compare yourself to others. You are you, they are them.
- If you want to succeed in something, but are still at the beginning of your journey, compare yourself not with others, but with yourself yesterday.
- Make a list of things you enjoy but don't do. Do you like to play football? Find yourself a team and play for fun once a week!
- Reduce to a minimum (or better yet, stop altogether) communication with incorrigible whiners, losers, pessimists and critics.
- Don't pay attention to the negative opinions of others. Just tell yourself: these people don't know me. But I am an excellent employee/friend/husband and so on.
- Set positive goals: learn something new, do something good for yourself and others, etc.
You cannot change another, but you can help him change with a word. Praise people with clearly low self-esteem! They are vulnerable, they need attention. Emphasize their strengths, close your eyes to their shortcomings - and they will grow wings, and you will find a true friend. Suggestion, criticism, instructions - that’s how people don’t change. They can only be changed for the better with kindness.
How to give compliments correctly
- K. should be friendly - without irony or subtext. “You look good” should mean exactly what it means—not that the person doesn’t look good and you’re making fun of them.
- Keep a sense of proportion. Grandma still can’t look like a 20-year-old girl. Exaggeration in a compliment is acceptable, but it must be reasonable.
- More variety. Praise not only the external merits of the interlocutor, work qualities, but also his fundamental traits - intelligence, character, talent.
- Specifics! Not only “You look good,” but also “You have great hair!”
- Sincerity. Flattery will do you a disservice. Try to avoid floridness - in this case the compliment will turn out to be a parody.
This is all. What a great fellow you are for reading to the end!!!
P.S. And two more sentences :) In your hands is the magic that allows people to unlock their potential. Please use it right now!
You'll like it:
- (A little unexpected, but still).
Dale Carnegie's entire focus was on how to successfully interact with people, how to get them to like you and get them to do what you want without antagonizing them. His most famous work, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), suggests ways to achieve this: do not criticize, judge or complain about another person; you need to evaluate people sincerely; motivate others to awaken specific desires in them, etc.
Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) was born into a poor family of farmers and, upon entering college, was forced to struggle for existence there. Trying to attract attention, he began to participate in oratory competitions and, despite dubious success at the beginning, he soon began to win them.
After completing his studies, he worked for some time as a sales agent, achieving the greatest success in his territory during the entire existence of the company; then he decided to study to be an actor. But, not finding himself in this field, he abandoned the stage to start his own business. Then he began to write novels and lived on what he taught in the evenings.
Carnegie opened the first public speaking courses for entrepreneurs in the schools of the Youth Christian Organization on a purely commission basis, since he initially refused any salary. The courses were a success, and their popularity made Dale famous. They were so successful that he turned them into a series of popular books that moved beyond the realm of public speaking into the realm of interpersonal relationships in general.
Books that offered simple rules for achieving success in society using examples from personal and other people's experiences, as well as stories about historical figures such as Roosevelt and Lincoln, were undoubtedly a goldmine.
To further popularize his ideas, Carnegie founded the Institute of Effective Public Speaking and Human Relations. In 1997, almost forty years after his death, the manual that brought him worldwide fame, How to Win Friends and Influence People, was still on the bestseller list in Germany.
Carnegie believed that criticism was unproductive and should not be used to change or motivate people. From his point of view, people who are criticized seek to justify themselves and condemn the critic in return. Major leaders such as Abraham Lincoln achieved success in part because they never criticized others. Instead of criticism, Carnegie recommended developing self-control, understanding and forgiveness. And most importantly, he advised to always strive to understand the opposing point of view.
To influence people and achieve your goals, according to Carnegie, it is necessary to understand the motivation of the individual. Ask yourself what would motivate someone to want to do something for you before you convince them to do it. He believed that most people are only interested in their own desires, but if you give them what they want, they will help you achieve more.
People may want a better car or a bigger house. But for most, the main motive is still the desire to feel significant. This can inspire them to do great things, such as becoming a leader or. But such a desire can also take on painful forms. Sometimes people go crazy wanting attention or live in dreams where they have a better role. In any case, the desire for recognition cannot be ignored. Using real-life stories, Carnegie illustrates how, by appealing to human pride, one can achieve much better results than by criticism.
There are little takeaways at the end of each chapter in How to Win Friends and Influence People. In them, Carnegie summarizes the main ideas of each chapter, translating them into concrete actions. Here are some of them.
- Show genuine interest in other people.
- Be happy and positive.
- Remember that people love to hear the sound of their own name.
- Listen to other people and learn to be a good listener.
- Discuss the interests of your interlocutor, not your own.
- Allow others to truly feel their importance.
- For best results, avoid arguing.
- Always listen to other people's opinions and never tell the other person that he is wrong.
- Admit if you were wrong.
- Be friendly.
- Make statements that the other person can easily agree with.
- Let the other person talk.
- Make the other person feel like the idea is theirs.
- Try to see things through the other person's eyes.
- Show empathy for other people's thoughts and desires.
- Give your ideas visibility.
- Appeal to noble motives.
- Challenge.
- Start with sincere praise and recognition.
- Pay attention to mistakes gradually.
- Admit your own mistakes and tell others about them.
- Ask questions instead of giving orders.
- Never humiliate anyone and allow the person to maintain their self-esteem.
- Give sincere praise and approval for even the most modest success.
- Give a person a good name.
- Help people. Show them that their task is easy to accomplish.
- Tell people what you want them to do and make them feel good about doing it.
How to become a good speaker
Below are some of the tips Dale Carnegie gave early in his career in his writings and public speaking training.
Preparation. First, Carnegie believed that you must exude enthusiasm, whether the goal is financial or social.
Do not memorize the text verbatim, as this will cause you to forget the words. When a speech looks rehearsed, it loses its effect. Having prepared voluminous material, do not try to speak a lot on your own. Structure your material so that your presentation resembles a normal conversation.
Most people get nervous when they have to speak in public. If you try to act brave and pretend that you feel more confident than you really are, it will really give you courage. Practice will help you feel more confident, so take every opportunity to practice: in front of a mirror, family or friends.
Performance. Create a role for yourself. Smile and make sure you are clearly visible to the audience. Show the audience respect and appreciation and make sure to grab their attention from the very first sentence. This can be done as follows:
- start with a surprising incident or example;
- present a startling fact;
- invite to vote;
- use visual aids;
- do or say something provocative;
- promise to tell people how they can get what they want.
But you shouldn't start the conversation with an apology or a funny story. Funny stories don't always work, especially when you're nervous. Use statistics or expert testimony to support your main ideas, but do not use technical terms unless you are speaking to experts.
Be emotionally prepared to convey your thoughts to the audience, add passion to your speech, and don’t be afraid to show your feelings. Present your ideas visually, if possible, turning the fact into a picture that will help the audience understand what you are talking about, refer to specific examples.
Highlight the main points and avoid tired expressions or clichés. Once the conversation has settled into a groove, you can relax and joke, but make sure that the joke is aimed at you and not other people. Your speech should have a strong ending. Summarize your story, highlight the main points, or end with the following, depending on the context:
- call to action;
- repay the audience with a sincere compliment;
- tell a funny story at the end;
- quote appropriate verses or aphorisms.
- Remember that many famous speakers were terribly afraid of public speaking at first, but small amounts of stage fright can be beneficial.
- Set yourself up for success and don’t miss the slightest opportunity to practice.
- Remember that as you gain experience, your fear will fade away, so look for opportunities to speak in public and believe in yourself.
Carnegie claimed that his theories really worked, and he saw how they changed the lives of many people. But some critics have reduced Carnegie's ideas to conventional wisdom dressed in commercial garb. However, Carnegie's ideas are indeed based on common sense, and they can hardly be considered revolutionary.
All his tutorials are based on down-to-earth and simple basic principles. Despite this simplicity, Carnegie expressed many general truths in which readers find meaning, and no matter what critics say, his books remain popular.
In fact, Carnegie created a very successful business from his ideas, and his works sold millions of copies. Even today, his books are profitable, which proves that people still find them relevant. Carnegie's influence is evident in many modern management concepts, especially in relation to customer service and the development of interpersonal skills.
A talented psychologist, an outstanding teacher, writer and simply one of the smartest people who ever lived on this earth, Dale Carnegie sincerely believed that there are no bad people, but just bad circumstances. If you look at them from a different special angle, they can easily turn from negative into positive moments. Many people, not knowing these simple truths, spoil the mood of both themselves and the people around them every day.
Carnegie became world famous after he developed his own theory of conflict-free coexistence, when communication is pleasure and life becomes happier each time. Just listen to his simple advice.
The most pleasant and pleasing sound for any person is his own name. Therefore, address others by name more often.
If life often gives you lemons, learn to make lemonade.
Do not be afraid of your enemies, be afraid of flattering friends.
People are absolutely indifferent to you; at any time of the day they are busy only with themselves.
Learn to look at things through the eyes of your interlocutor and try to understand his position. If you succeed, then the whole world will submit to you.
The best and cheapest medicine on earth is to always be busy. Idleness corrupts.
Never criticize others or complain, this will create problems in your life.
Try to always smile, even when it hurts. Like attracts like, and a smile and laughter are a symbol of happiness.
If a person simply decides to change himself for the better, then this is already half the success.
Never judge your spouse, he is, of course, an ordinary person and, like everyone else, he makes mistakes. If he always did the right thing, he would be a saint and unlikely to marry you.
On this earth, there is only one way to earn love - to give your own love, without demanding anything in return.
A wise person lives every day as a new life.
Don't think too much about the future, live in the present. Enjoy life today, right now.
Never give in to fear. In reality it is nowhere, it exists only in your mind.
The whole secret to happiness is to simply act as if you are already happy. After a while, you will be surprised to notice that you have become much happier.
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“A man who dies rich dies disgraced,” came the conclusion of Andrew Carnegie, the owner of one of America’s largest fortunes, the founder of the world’s largest steel corporation, Carnegie Steel Company. He earned $400 million ($130 billion in today's dollars) and spent $350 million of it on public needs.Thanks to his contributions to the development of science, astrophysics, biology and engineering, Andrew Carnegie received the name “Businessman from the Future.” Dozens of public organizations and charitable foundations are named in Carnegie's honor. With his money, the building of the International Tribunal in The Hague and the Carnegie Hall concert hall in New York were built, at the opening of which P.I. conducted the concert. Chaikovsky.
With grants from the steel magnate, S. Freud carried out scientific research, astrophysicists conducted research that discovered the expansion of the Universe, biologists studied the structure of DNA, and engineers created radar. With his money, an observatory was built in California, in which new planets of the solar system were discovered. Andrew Carnegie was often asked: “How to make a fortune?”
5 tips for a beginning businessman that will answer the question “How to make a fortune?”
“The one who does not do what he is told, and the one who does no more than what he is told, will never make it to the top.”
Tip 1
“Never buy something you can’t pay for and never sell something you don’t own.”
Carnegie admitted that he had never bought a single stock for speculative purposes in his life. He adhered to the rule of never buying what he could not pay for, and never selling what did not belong to him. “Only at the beginning of my career did I have a certain amount of securities. But then I decided to sell all the shares I had in other companies and concentrate all my attention on our own enterprises,” Carnegie wrote.
Tip 2
"Do not vouch for another person"
Carnegie gives valuable advice to aspiring businessmen: “There is no greater danger in the life of a business person than guaranteeing for another person, this danger can be easily avoided if you ask yourself two questions: “Will I have enough available funds if necessary to pay the full amount?” , for which I vouched? and “Am I ready to lose this amount for the sake of the one for whom I guarantee?” If the answer is yes - but only in this case - you can provide a similar service to your friend. But then it’s better to immediately pay this amount in cash than to give a guarantee for him.” How to create advertising and make it work 100%
Tip 3
“When disagreeing with subordinates, stick to a wait-and-see approach.”
When disagreeing with workers, Carnegie always maintained a wait-and-see approach and negotiated with them in a calm tone, trying to explain the inadequacy of their demands, but never tried to replace the striking workers with new ones. “I achieved my goal not by direct attack, but by using military stratagem,” he said.
Tip 4
“Look for people who know what to do better than you”
Asking the question “How to make a fortune?” “I understood that possessing organizational talent had a key role and on the further development of which my external success in life depended,” Carnegie wrote. “I owe this success more to my ability to always find people who knew better than me what to do, rather than to my own knowledge and skill.” How to attract investors: choosing sources of financing
Tip 5
“Personally take part in negotiations when important agreements are to be concluded”
Carnegie often said that the most important decisions depend on the little things. Trifles often lead to big consequences. Considering something to be trivial is very arrogant. Anyone who wants to receive an order must be personally present where his fate is being decided. And if possible, you should not leave the battlefield before the matter is finally decided, before you can carry the signed agreement with you in your pocket. “There is a way to get someone to do something. Only one. You have to make a person want to do it. Remember, there are no other ways."
Carnegie Steel Company — one of the world's largest steel corporations. The company built the first steel mill in the United States that used the Bessemer production method, which reduced the cost of producing a ton of steel from $100 (in the early 1870s) to $12 (in the late 1890s). In the 1890s, Carnegie plants began to use the open-hearth smelting method for the first time in the United States. As a result, the United States overtook the United Kingdom in terms of steel production, taking first place in the world.
If you want to implement your business idea, and in no other way, but successfully, then you should first familiarize yourself with the lessons of success from Dale Carnegie.
Who is Dale Carnegie? This is an American psychologist, (November 24, 1888 - November 1, 1955), writer and part-time teacher. He created courses on self-improvement and increasing the effectiveness of communication. The books of this author are especially popular among entrepreneurs and businessmen who want to achieve the highest results in their endeavors.
Dale Carnegie identified seven basic rules for success, which the author called lessons.
Success Lessons from Dale Carnegie
Lesson #1 – “Lack of action creates fear and doubt. Accordingly, any actions contribute to the emergence of courage and confidence. This means that in order to overcome fear, you need to act, not reason.” This is exactly what a famous psychologist recommended to do to his patients who complained to him of doubts and fears about any undertaking. Carnegie insisted on the need for action, especially when there is a good idea. “The more you put off taking action, the more afraid you become. And, accordingly, on the contrary, the more you do, the more you want to do it. Success can only be achieved by actively working, without putting off your plans for later!” - Dale Carnegie.
Lesson No. 2 – “Effective use of personal time is the key to the success of any endeavor!” The psychologist and teacher was sure that time should be spent wisely. You cannot leave even a minute for such trifles as worries and doubts. The scientist argued that instead of thinking about what people might think of you, it is better to do something that they could admire. In other words, spending time analyzing what people will think of you is considered the biggest mistake. Instead, it is better to spend precious minutes wisely, for example, turning your ideas, even the most ridiculous ones, into reality.
Lesson No. 3 says that any failure is the main impetus for further development. Therefore, such tests of fate should not be regarded as punishment. Most likely, this is a gift provided by fate so that a person does not stand still, but moves forward. Even popular wisdom insists that you need to learn from mistakes. Feeling disappointed or experiencing failure in a particular endeavor forces people to analyze the situation, draw conclusions and correct their mistakes. Such behavior is the main lever for development, the engine of progress. The practice of successful people in this world proves this opinion. Traditionally, people experience failure many times before achieving success.
Lesson No. 4 – We create our own lives, determine our own happiness. Dale Carnegie was convinced that each person’s own happiness does not depend on anyone or anything. No external factor can influence this. All that can be controlled in the happiness of every person is his inner psychological attitude. That is, each of us chooses whether to be a happy person or an unhappy person. Happiness is everyone's choice. The outside world cannot bring it. It is inside us, in our thoughts, on which we focus our attention.
The author of the theory of success, Dale Carnegie, was convinced that it does not matter what each person has, what he does, where he is, it does not matter what he does in order to be happy... What matters is what each of us thinks about our level of happiness...
Lesson #5 - Every human action is a message. Modern psychology identifies four main ways of human contact with the outside world. Each personality classifies its actions in four ways - what it does, how it looks, what it says, and how it says it. That is, any action is a message. A person’s appearance, his hairstyle, his mood are a message to the outside world about his condition. As an example, consider the figure of a slender person. His appearance will speak about his life position. For example, that he loves sports, leads a healthy lifestyle, and is generally an active person. Or, for example, if a person likes to wear formal suits, we can assume that he is employed in a business environment. You can use this theory in reverse. For example, if you want to become a successful businessman, then start imitating the appearance of such people and soon you will get closer to your goal.
Lesson #6 – You should always do only what you enjoy. No person can achieve success in what he does not like to do. That is, even if this or that type of activity brings in a good income, doing it solely for the sake of money is dangerous, since it will not bring success. Success is an indicator of your attitude towards a particular type of activity. As you know, it is impossible to achieve material heights without pleasure from the work performed.
Lesson No. 7 – “He who doesn’t take risks, doesn’t drink champagne.” Everyone knows this folk wisdom. So psychologist Dale Carnegie was convinced that without risk there is no chance of success. Only brave and courageous people can take risks. Some situations present no choice. In them you need to decide whether you are ready to take risks or fail in absentia. But what’s the point of refusing to take risks, since they promise 50% of the success of the enterprise?
Psychologist Dale Carnegie said: “Each of us has incredible potential, but to learn Go, we must act more decisively, then we can truly learn about all our capabilities!”
