Men: psychological portraits

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Sometimes it is extremely difficult to understand what a man wants. It is a misconception that this only happens to women. Men are different, but almost all of them find it equally difficult to talk about their feelings. That is why it is sometimes so difficult for a woman to understand her chosen one.

Let's get acquainted with the main psychological types of men and find out how to better communicate with them.

Man-boy

This man is deeply passive in everything. He strives to find a woman who will take the initiative in everything, command them, show the way, give orders, make choices for him, make all decisions. He needs a caring and strong “mommy”. Men-boys need approval all the time; failure in sex is a real tragedy for them.

They need to be constantly encouraged, admired, and amazed at their actions, including in bed. In the “boy” you need to support the desire to correspond to the image of “Superman”, to please his painful pride. They rarely remember the grievances inflicted on them consciously, but a situation that has become a shock can “stick” in their subconscious. He can forget and forgive a lot, and at the same time remember what hurt him forever.

Viking man

The Viking always strives to control all aspects of life. As a rule, such men have a strong physique, they are very strong, and not only thanks to Mother Nature: they constantly strive to become even stronger. The Viking understands that the weak will never be able to establish power; for him, strength is muscles. Self-esteem and pride dominate every action and movement of a Viking. He never shows his weakness, pain or infirmity, largely due to the fact that he has simply forgotten what these feelings are.

The downside of a Viking is that he is possessive. He will in every possible way limit the desire of anyone to encroach on his woman; she belongs to him entirely and completely. He loves adventure, but at the same time he will remain faithful to a woman as long as there is a close relationship between them. He expects absolutely the same behavior from a woman.

Male adventurer

He is constantly in search of something new and better; in a woman he is looking for an ideal, which, as a rule, he does not find. His problem is that he himself is afraid of being used, deceived. For him, disappointment in every new woman is inevitable, therefore, as soon as he starts a relationship with one, he immediately leaves her for another. Usually he behaves like a male: the interests of his partner are secondary for him, she must play by his rules.

But the advantage of this type of man is that he can give a woman an unforgettable experience, tear her away from everyday life and gray everyday life. A modest girl with such a man can “bloom” or, conversely, withdraw into herself even more. The main disadvantages of a male adventurer: inconstancy, insincerity.

Dreamer man

They are overly immersed in themselves, in their world and sensations. It is very difficult for a dreamer to find a common language with those around him. Because of this, sexual relationships are a complete disappointment for him, he even considers them dangerous. He wants to feel protected, but due to the inherent neuroticism, uncertainty and imbalance of the dreamer, he rarely succeeds. Often dreamers want the impossible, so they consciously create a situation around themselves in which they demonstrate their helplessness.

Dreamers are attracted to gentle, caring and chaste women. The main female virtues for them are good manners, modesty, lack of passion and aggression. Only with such women do dreamers never get into trouble. You can attract his attention by caring.

Male manipulator

His behavior is governed by three motives: narcissism, a sadistic attitude towards others, and at the same time masochistic self-flagellation. There is no main or central characteristic among these three. In fact, they are not even his inner essence - they are only external manifestations.

In one situation, the manipulator can stand with his head held high, enjoying the defeat of his victim, and in another he will look like an offended child. Outbursts of cruelty are a very dangerous trait of a manipulator; if you find yourself in his path, he will “sweep” you away from him.

Such men are “infuriated” by any resistance to their will: from obvious to barely noticeable. He perceives resistance as a threat to his power, and even to his faith in himself. Therefore, manipulators quickly part with such women. And because of the vindictiveness inherent in the manipulator, he will try to make the one who “defeated” him defeated. He will make every effort to take revenge on a strong woman.

Traditionalist man

Even in his youth, stereotypes were formed in his mind, which are unlikely to change during his life. For him, love is not romance, but a predetermined life pattern. A woman for him is something passive, a man is active. He thinks like many men thought 200-300 years ago. In relationships and in love, he values ​​rationalism most of all.

Such a man will be attracted to reliability and stability. Short novels are not for him - they unsettle him. He generally does not consider it necessary to spend a lot of emotions on love. Therefore, ardent and passionate women scare him away. For him, the calm and even cool female temperament is most attractive. In love, he seeks support and confidence; he will never build relationships according to a different scheme. Exciting adventures and adventures seem pointless to him; he tries to avoid all this.

Of course, it is worth considering that every man, as a rule, combines several types at once. But one usually prevails. Once you understand his main motives, you will understand how to communicate with him. In addition, if a man is just interested in you, you will know how to attract him.

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As men go through their journey of growing up, they change both externally and internally. Although many are stubbornly confident that the male gender does not change, nevertheless, at 20, and at 30, and at 40, a man thinks differently and is no longer similar to his former self.

The age of 30 is the most sober and conscious age for men. What are thirty-year-old men looking for? That's right, stability, and stability in everything. It is during this period that a man gets tired of endless meaningless dates and begins to seriously think about starting a family. At the same time, he looks at a woman as a comprehensively interesting person. He treats his chosen one with care and reverence. And when choosing a family or a career, men give preference to the first. But you should be wary of the fact that if a woman ceases to be attractive to a man and he becomes bored, he will easily go “to the left.” Let's try to figure out how the psychology of men changes by the age of 30.

Psychological characteristics of a thirty-year-old

In psychology, it is accepted that until a man reaches the age of 30, he takes care of himself: he looks for himself, has fun, and engages in certain activities. 30 years of age affects men like a click. They begin to try to stabilize in all areas of life.

The topic of marriage is quite sensitive for men: if he was not married before the age of 30, then after this age it will be much more difficult to decide on such a step. When arranging their personal life, many find it difficult to give up the usual rhythm of single life and habitual habits.

During this age period, views on the opposite sex also change. A man no longer looks at a woman as a sexual object with a beautiful and impressive appearance. Simplicity, desire for success, skills and standard life skills are assessed. However, not all men in their thirties strive for a family. If before this time there has been no career growth or the realization of their intended goals, then they will only be aimed at achieving success. And marriage, as a rule, occupies the very last place on a man’s list of plans or is absent altogether.

Intimate life is not at the forefront at 30 years old. If young twenty-year-old guys do not miss a single skirt and try to fully realize themselves sexually, then at the age of thirty young people are already looking for a stable sexual partner. As a rule, this becomes the wife if the man is married or a certain girl. But the coin, as they say, has two sides. Quite quickly, sex with your wife becomes an automatic activity with increasing rarity. The monotony gets boring, and then all the most non-standard fantasies begin to emerge. If the spouse accepts them, then intimacy comes to life and is given new colors. But, if the other half is not ready for experiments, then husbands begin to look for satisfaction on the side.

Summarizing all of the above, the psychology of men at 30 years old has its own clear boundaries and positions. Definitely, a man becomes more mature both in his mind and in his actions. He still continues to strive to realize himself in all spheres of life and understands. He strives to become a reliable support in his family, a good husband and father. And he continues to work hard on himself.

Loneliness in youth is much more painful for a woman, and in adulthood - for a man. A woman is more emotional, more sociable, and with age she, as a rule, finds a circle of personal interests and attachments. She is absorbed in worries about loved ones, about friends, she is more involved in her home and household chores.

A man, without becoming a husband and father, often does not know how to maintain warm relationships with relatives. Without a reliable “rear support,” a bachelor is helpless in solving basic economic problems, organizes his life poorly, works worse, and gets sick more often. And what this threatens can be seen in the mirror of statistics: the mortality rate among single men is three times higher than among married men. So it's understandable why doctors are concerned about the fact that the number of bachelors is growing.

Why are some men in their 30s and even 40s in no hurry to get married? There are probably many reasons, and each has its own,

A supporter of a bachelor lifestyle is often someone who simply does not want to take on any obligations or worries. He's doing so well!

And, paradoxically, he is partly supported in this position by women themselves. After all, male and female behavior are like two scales: if a woman’s spiritual softness, her tenderness encourage a man to become more persistent and strong, her modesty forces him to be more restrained and correct, then her willingness to accept any form of male behavior sometimes allows a man not to consider intimacy dishonest without marital obligations, without responsibility for the good name and well-being of a woman.

But sooner or later there comes a time when the bachelor lifestyle begins to become burdensome, when the desire to have a family, children, and a reliable home awakens. And then unexpected psychological barriers arise in front of a man,

Let's consider two possible options for the behavior of a single man. Yes, he is not married, but he is not devoid of natural attractions for his age. He lives a sexual life, and these connections of his are most often casual, unburdensome. No attachments, turmoil or heartache. But it is precisely in this lightness that a hidden danger lurks.

I do not mean the possibility of a venereal disease, because we will assume that in this regard our bachelor is quite careful. And not even the almost inevitable irregularity of sexual life, which in itself can reduce potency.

No, we are talking mainly about that complex psychophysiological complex that provides strength of feelings, male confidence, and sexual fulfillment for many years. And single life is not conducive to the formation and consolidation of this complex.

After all, for any man, no matter how superficial and shallow his views on intimate life are, it cannot be reduced to the satisfaction of biological instincts and needs. He always, to a greater or lesser extent, craves understanding, tenderness, spirituality. To be at his best, he needs to know that he is valued, that he is also highly valued. And therefore, the greatest completeness of sensations comes from intimacy with a loved one, with someone for whom one has strong affection, respect, and trust.

It is clear that these are not the feelings that connect a man with a woman who has become his fleeting friend. Therefore, intimacy with her is devoid of the entire palette of bright colors and can end in emptiness, indifference, even disgust. The psychological discomfort of these minutes does not pass without a trace, gradually reducing the strength of sexual desire. and potency.

But what’s even worse is that easy, successive connections form a certain psychological attitude. A man loses respect for a woman in general, becomes incapable of high feelings, of true love. Over time, this attitude becomes a barrier to marriage.

It seems that he is already fed up with a single life, it seems clear that it is high time to start a family, but he cannot decide on this: distrust, suspicion, the prevailing disrespectful opinion about women stop him, prevent him from making a choice, from believing not only another person, but even himself to yourself.

In conversations with men who are seeking advice from a psychologist, I have also heard assurances that they are “almost married,” that they are close to one woman. But this relationship also lacks something to become a marital relationship, and this “something” keeps both in a state of uncertainty. The initiative to break up in such cases more often belongs to the woman: she suffers more from the uncertainty of the relationship, feels more acutely that there is still time left to start a family, and the abandoned man sometimes recognizes this not as his defeat, but as another proof of female inconstancy...

Another possible behavior for a single man is abstinence. In itself, it does not cause harm - it can be considered undesirable, perhaps, only for men who have increased sexual excitability and at the same time do not know how to switch attention and, accordingly, spend energy on work. solving creative problems, sports, not living a busy, active life.

In the vast majority of cases, abstinence is harmless, since the body has self-regulation mechanisms that prevent possible complications. With regular sexual activity, most of the secretion of the prostate gland is ejected with the ejaculate, but only a small amount enters the blood. And there is an inverse relationship between the content of this secretion in the blood and the function of the testicles: the less secretion in the blood, the more hormones the testicles produce, and vice versa. Thus, during abstinence in a sexually healthy man, prostate secretions may enter the bloodstream intensively and, accordingly, the testicles will produce little hormones that enhance sexual function.

However, there is a difference in the influence of abstinence on the psychological attitude of a married and single man and, indirectly, on their potency.

A married man has formed a certain stereotype of sexual behavior - With prolonged abstinence, caused, say, by a long-distance business trip, longing for his beloved wife, anticipation of a meeting, the consciousness that he is loved, that they are waiting for him. become factors that support this stereotype, and it is not forgotten, it is not destroyed precisely thanks to emotional support. And, when the separation ends, emotional memory helps to turn on the usual stereotype and overcome the weakening of potency. caused by a period of abstinence.

But when there is no full range of feelings that love for a woman awakens, there are no incentives that can support sexual desire, sexual function in general. This is why, with abstinence, the sexuality of a single man decreases,

Loss of desire is usually frightening and is perceived as an inability to have sex at all. And suspiciousness and self-doubt arise, which creates a psychological barrier to marriage. Meanwhile, it is regular married life, warmed by mutual understanding and trust, that can gradually return both potency and the fullness of sexual sensations to him.

The middle-aged bachelor is internally troubled and restrained by something else. that, unsure of his masculine virtues, he also exaggerates the importance of sex life for a woman. And here his attitude is opposite to that of the young man. A twenty-year-old man entering into marriage is often not at all interested in a woman’s sexual experiences, has no idea what his wife feels and should feel, and a man of mature years is only contemplating the possibility of marriage. already fears that it will be fragile, since the wife will not receive satisfaction and will not want to put up with it.

Both positions are wrong. But if a young man, living a married life, gradually learns to better understand his wife and achieve harmony, then for an older man everything is more complicated. The longer the period of hesitation and doubt drags on, the deeper these doubts become and the more problematic it is to overcome them. Single life cools feelings year after year. kills the ability to get carried away, deprives gullibility, openness,

In clubs "For those over 30" there are usually more women than men. And women often complain that they feel like they are on display here and suffer from openly evaluative glances. But among the visitors of such a club there is also a suffering man. This is not a zhuir, not a seeker of easy connections. This is the same inveterate bachelor who is so afraid of being deceived, so doubts, hesitates, and pours over himself with the coldness of rationality and suspicion.

For him, sometimes another problem arises, this one of a purely ethical nature. Most of the women who could become his brides by age have a child. Men who are not used to taking care of someone, who are afraid of any life conflicts and difficulties, are sometimes stopped by this. They cannot imagine that becoming a father to a stepchild, loving him and achieving his love is such a joy, such a happy experience that is not inferior to the joys of true fatherhood.

To the credit of men, it must be said that not all of them reject this option. And in the ads under the heading. Dating Service" you often read: “I would like to meet a woman of such and such age, of such and such merits, “possible with a child,” or “possible with children,” or even “preferably with children.”

And it must be said that when such marriages are concluded, they, as a rule, are strong and happy.

Certainly. Everyone solves family problems in their own way. Still, a man who has crossed thirty should be reminded that he does not have much time to start a family. That a bachelor lifestyle worsens the condition and functions of the reproductive system and has a negative impact on health. That late fatherhood increases the risk of having a defective child. And that, finally, to be a man in the full sense of the word means to be someone’s support and support, to bear the function of the creator and protector of the family, assigned by nature to a man. This is why the stronger sex is strong!

I.V. Dorno, associate professor.

articles

The age of 30 is considered a kind of milestone when a man enters the period of maturity. In childhood, every person can clearly define who they want to be. But years pass, few withstand the pressure of circumstances. People cease to understand where they want to move next. This time interval can be considered a period of maximum vulnerability.

At 30-35 years old, there is a revaluation of values. Or rather, a man refuses some of them and replaces them with others. For the first time, he begins to ask himself questions: why he lives and what he was able to achieve. In particularly difficult cases, these thoughts can deprive him of sleep.

Psychology of self-criticism

Men are providers by nature. They have to put up with increased demands from society. That is why young people by the age of thirty-five begin to wonder whether any peaks have been conquered, and what they can boast about to others and to themselves. For only a few people, this kind of thinking leads to positive emotions.

Usually, by the age of thirty, a man manages to take important steps - get an education, find a job, get married and have children. If any of these points have not been fulfilled, a representative of the stronger half of humanity begins to reproach himself for missed opportunities and wasted years. Some are able to analyze the issues that arise in detail, while others are afraid and even panic. Such people do not strive to accept the situation, but want to escape from it or be distracted.

First danger

The problem of transition to the crisis age of 30 remains relevant if a man leaves it unresolved. He is fond of computer games, refuses to communicate with loved ones and withdraws into himself. There is physical weakness, conflicts with his wife, serious quarrels with friends and at work.

The consequence is a possible change in lifestyle, when a man leaves his family, quits his job and looks for himself in other directions.

Important! Behavior that is atypical for a man is explained by his desire to set priorities. He intends to understand himself.

The second important point: when assessing his own achievements, a man, even 30 or 33 years old, involuntarily compares himself with his peers. He looks at what results his classmates, work colleagues and just strangers have achieved. By what criteria does he evaluate his success? Looking at those around him, a man thinks about how he looks compared to them, what they have achieved and what he himself has achieved.

Modern society regards a person as successful if he has achieved great results in the social or professional sphere.

That is why generally accepted symbols are used, including:

• availability of a separate apartment;
• Personal car;
• successful career;
• high paying job.

It turns out that these are mainly professional and financial aspects of the issue. The ability to feel happy in your personal life is not taken into account. And all because society does not welcome it.

Duration of the crisis

The crisis of 30 years in men does not have clear boundaries, since they are individual. Someone can spend years in a depressed state, while others come out of it in just a couple of months.

Factors that are important here are:

• support from the immediate environment, in particular family;
• financial stability;
• human character traits and temperament;
• professional status;
• the role a person occupies in society.

The depth of the crisis and its duration also depend on the complexes that may have persisted in a person’s consciousness since adolescence.

Possible manifestations

Based on all of the above, let's try to identify the main symptoms of a male crisis:

• feeling of self-pity. It can manifest itself in different ways. Depending on his character, a man can take out his emotions on the people closest to him, expressing regular dissatisfaction and complaints, and also experience them within himself;
• depressed state. A man who has always been outwardly successful suddenly changes his mood at the age of 35. He experiences bouts of depression;
• feeling empty. The crisis of thirty years of age is accompanied by a feeling of emptiness, hopelessness, and loss. It is especially dangerous to leave a person alone during such periods;
• feeling trapped when a person feels trapped, at a dead end. He thinks that no one is able to help him;
• dissatisfaction with life when a person is sure that fate has treated him unfairly.

Illogicality and lack of consistency in actions and behavior in general should also be highlighted among the characteristic symptoms. Sometimes there are moments in life to which a representative of the stronger sex reacts unconventionally. Those around him get the impression that he has mental problems. But again, the midlife crisis and various kinds of hormonal changes are to blame for this.

If the described condition goes far, the following signs appear:

• loss of interest in a previous hobby. The person is in a state of apathy and does not want to do anything;
• the environment changes. People whose opinions were authoritative lose their importance;
• giving up money, a successful career and fame;
• unpredictable, eccentric behavior;
• mood swings. Sentimentality combines with irritability. For example, a man can watch a heartbreaking film and shed a tear, but not a minute passes before he clings to some trifle and swears at his loved ones;
• hypochondria. This applies to the genital area as much as possible. A man thinks that he has lost his virility. To prove the opposite, he goes to extremes;
• critical attitude towards one's own appearance. A man finds fault with his appearance, tries to find wrinkles and gray hair. He expresses irritation at the appearance of his belly;
• constant worries about the future. A midlife crisis pushes a man to talk more and more often about death and take stock of his existence.

What to do?

It is necessary to convince a man that what is happening in his life is nothing more than summing up, a transition to a qualitatively new stage. This is a great opportunity to get rid of what you don't need. At the same time, he can accept the good that has necessarily come into his reality over the past years.

• don’t despair and try to overcome yourself. If a man wants to change his environment, his job, or make renovations at home, then let him follow his desires. You can also get rid of bad habits, go on vacation with your family more often and take up some kind of sport;
• Each of us has our own old dreams. If a man dreamed of something in his youth, for example, learning a new profession or jumping with a parachute, you can think about turning your plans into reality;
• During a period of mental weakness, a person is usually focused on himself and his experiences. However, at such moments the interests of loved ones may suffer, so you should try to pay attention to them too. A man must remember that he still remains the head of the family, on whom the people closest to him rely. He is still responsible for their fate and further existence;
• It is very important to learn to enjoy any little things that bring joy to one degree or another.

Impact on the sexual sphere

The problem has some physiological basis. This is the male menopause. The lack of awareness of some representatives of the stronger sex leads to the fact that most of them are not aware of the existence of such a phenomenon. And it’s somehow not customary in our country to discuss such things. Even experts, for the most part, prefer to remain silent about this.

Hormonal changes in the body occur. The production of sex hormones decreases. This process is commonly called andropause. It is accompanied by a decrease in libido. Interest in the opposite sex decreases, and this is normal. The peak of sexual activity is typical for young guys.

Some perceive this phenomenon calmly, while others, frankly speaking, go crazy. Instead of switching to something else, such men look for reasons in others. If a person is married, then his wife may become the object of his attacks. If by that time she begins to grow old and gain weight, it seems to her husband that this is the reason for her lack of desire.

As a result, the spouse begins to look for adventures on the side. He who is conscious does not leave his family. But there are also many who begin to behave in accordance with the proverb: “gray hair in a beard means a devil in a rib.” Unreasonable behavior under these circumstances can lead to health problems.

Wife's behavior

The woman you love will have to be patient and help a loved one. During an unfavorable period for the family, it is extremely important for spouses to talk. A husband needs to feel important and significant for his family. The love and care of loved ones will help him quickly get out of endless worries. It is necessary to make him understand that his family and friends need him in any case, regardless of his success.

Finally

Men rarely turn to psychologists, so more often than not, attempts to persuade their spouse to go to a specialist do not yield any results. But adding variety to family life has a good effect when joint trips to the theaters, swimming pools are organized, there is a passion for extreme sports, etc. It is also recommended to try something new in sex with your partner, this always brings you closer and gives new breath to relationships .

All these measures are aimed at showing that life does not end at 30!

Mutual understanding is the key and fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. It is especially relevant in relationships between a man and a woman. It's no secret that men's view of the world is significantly different from women's. But this does not mean that one is right and the other is wrong.

Male characteristics

The psychology of men has been described in many books and films. All young people are different and that’s the most wonderful thing! There are no schemes, frameworks or standards into which the absolute majority of representatives of the stronger half can be fit. But it is possible to identify some features that are associated with age and are characteristic of a certain age group. Psychologists distinguish six age ranges:

Attitude to the fair sex and the surrounding world

The psychology of men in relation to representatives of the fair half of humanity largely depends not only on upbringing, social environment, but also on a certain psychotype.

But, undoubtedly, there are common features that characterize an adult, mature man. First of all, this is independence. He himself is responsible for his actions, acts without the interference of others. Also, an adult man is distinguished by external and internal confidence in his strengths and capabilities.

A man is a protector and support not only for women, but also for people who are weaker than him physically or psychologically. His self-sufficiency will not allow him to assert himself at the expense of others. Caring for others only makes a man stronger and freer.

Also an important quality is responsibility for your words and actions. But at the same time, a mature man does not take on someone else’s guilt. He is demanding of himself, first of all, knows how to control his desires and keeps impulses and unwanted emotions in check.

An adult is also distinguished by psychological literacy and the ability to properly build working and friendly relationships.

Common Mistakes

Many men from generation to generation are guided by incorrect ideas about what a “real man” should be. This mythical character has already ruined more than one relationship.

One of the common myths: a man should not be weak, that is, show fatigue, tears, mental pain and torment. You might as well say that the young man must be a robot! This statement is completely false. The stronger sex also has every right to sometimes feel weak and broken. Of course, you shouldn’t demonstrate such feelings to the whole world, but you definitely need to trust your beloved girl.

Also, do not skimp on kind words and compliments towards your wife or girlfriend. Usually, after several years of a relationship, passion and romance fade away and not only girls are to blame for this. Relationships are the work of two people and the young man bears the same responsibility for them. Therefore, an extra bouquet of flowers and a playful compliment will be pleasant at any age and in any situation. But remember that care is expressed not only in monetary terms. Never leave a girl alone with her problems. Even a silent presence and a timely handkerchief will significantly increase your shares.

Many men prefer to solve family or personal problems with friends or, even worse, with the help of alcohol. This is a fundamentally wrong approach. Problems can only be resolved through acceptance and awareness. It is necessary to talk and find out the cause of the dispute only with the person with whom it was started.

Ideal from the ladies' point of view

The psychology of men should be considered from two sides. Therefore, the ideal of a man from a female point of view looks like this.

A strong man in every sense who knows how to admit his mistakes and correct them. It is also equally important to take responsibility for your words, actions and ability to perform deeds (sing a serenade or paint the nursery yourself).

Girls are attracted to young people who adhere to the traditional value system and treat them and their parents with respect. He is the head of the family, a support and a real strong wall.

The psychology of men, like women, is constantly being studied. After all, even a person who is familiar to every detail can give out a surprise at any moment. And this is the beauty of relationships!