How to cope with your husband leaving your family? How do you understand that your husband has left forever? Many women face this problem. Men often leave their significant other and go to seek happiness on the side. Of course, in this case the family collapses and it seems pointless to advise anything.
If the husband has left, then the woman is very often visited by a feeling of despair and hopelessness. She begins to experience psychological difficulties: she begins to doubt herself and her capabilities. When your husband leaves you, you don’t want to do anything, you literally give up. A woman, finding herself in such a situation, is often lost and does not know how to live further. A psychologist's advice can be useful to those who are desperate and have lost faith in their own prospects. Let's take a closer look at them.
Fight or let go
This is the most painful question that people have when breaking up a relationship. When a man wants to leave, he makes the whole family worry. The whole family becomes involved in constant quarrels. If there are children or one child, then they also inevitably begin to experience mental suffering.
If the husband leaves home, it is the woman who has to decide the question: leave everything as it is or try to fight for love. When making a decision, she must be guided, first of all, by her own feelings. But in reality, it often turns out that she listens to the opinions of her blood relatives for a long time before she gets around to actually doing something. She needs to try to understand her own motives and desires as soon as possible. We must remember that children will someday grow up and start their own families and move to live in another house. That is why you cannot initially sacrifice everything for the sake of the child, hide your individuality away.
Understand the reason
As you know, nothing appears out of nowhere. Everything in life must have its own reason. When the husband leaves and does not want to return, we must try with all our might to understand why this happened. In any case, the situation when the husband left represents a real blow for the psychological organization. Most women do not know how to behave, what to say and do if their husband leaves the family. At such a moment, it seems that the entire inner world of the individual is destroyed.
This kind of experience can drag on for a long time and significantly unsettle you. Meanwhile, when the man packed his things and left, it means that something was really oppressing him. It is necessary to gather your inner strength and properly understand the situation. It's best to do this right away. There is no need to put it off, it is better to experience everything at once, to say meaningful words. Otherwise, you will have to constantly live in doubts and guesses, trying in vain to understand what really happened.
Maintain dignity
The situation when the husband has left and does not call is quite difficult to even begin to forget. Insulted dignity dictates completely different ways of behavior, sometimes forcing people to do stupid and thoughtless things. Family life cannot take place in mutual reproaches and suspicions. We must refuse to look for those to blame and come up with all sorts of accusations against each other. There is no need to humiliate yourself in front of your husband and try to please him in everything.
What to do if your husband leaves? How to behave? A woman should definitely try to maintain her self-esteem. She must be aware of her own significance and integrity, confident that no one can destroy her inner state. Even the departure of a man should not become a tragedy. If it happened that your husband left you and chose to leave for someone else, or hide in an unknown direction, then you need to come to terms with it. The best thing to do is to immediately start thinking more about yourself and your own child. Love for yourself and your children will help you forget and overcome feelings of despair and hopelessness.
Express feelings
If the husband abandoned the family, then it is quite understandable that the former partners will be overwhelmed by purely negative emotions towards each other. It is very important here not to try to keep negative impressions to yourself. Otherwise, someday there will be an outburst of emotions, and all previously unspoken words will be spoken. Moreover, it is unknown in what form this will happen. In a failed family life, it is extremely important to be able to stand up for yourself. First of all, you need to understand your own feelings, desires and aspirations. Then it will be much easier to explain to your partner.
How to get over a breakup with your husband? If your husband has left, you must definitely give yourself time for mental recovery. Still, this is a big blow, from which it is not so easy to recover. When their husbands leave them, some people don’t even want to live, let alone act purposefully while remaining optimistic. You need to allow yourself to cry when you want to. There is no need to be shy and hide your tears. When a family breaks up because the husband abandoned him, it is actually very difficult to forget what happened.
You cannot suppress irritation, anger, despair. It is necessary to try to live these feelings as fully as possible, then you will not have to return to them later. Many people ask whether they should call their ex-partner? If there is strong suffering over his untimely departure, then it’s better not to. There is no need to torment yourself needlessly.
Give up revenge
Revenge is a bad way to restore justice. There is no way to regain your peace of mind using this method. When one partner leaves the other and leaves, the other is actually in a lot of pain. Revenge only allows you to get stuck in the same situation and return to it constantly. Psychologists advise you to start spending more time on yourself.
If your husband said that he doesn’t love you, you shouldn’t appeal to his conscience. Love cannot be demanded, it cannot be forced to return to the past. This won't fix anything. What to do if your husband left you with your child? Just don’t hatch evil plans! It’s not easy to forget about it, and you won’t be able to do it right away. Refusal of revenge will significantly save energy and preserve the internal resources of the individual.
Be friendly
As funny as it may seem at first glance, this recommendation really does help. But you cannot demand such a sacrifice from yourself. If a woman feels that she is not ready to smile and does not know how to behave in the presence of her ex-husband who left her, then it is better not to try to play an unpleasant role. Goodwill must come from the heart. There is no need to constantly return to the same question, force yourself to call him on the phone or come to visit him. Goodwill can melt the heart of even the most stony person, who, at first glance, is completely devoid of any emotions.
When a woman becomes affectionate and smiling, she is really nice to look at. It may happen that the husband who left in a fit of indignation will want to return to her in order to be close to her again. This is why treating your partner favorably works wonders. A woman herself has the power to attract a man’s attention. The only question is whether she will want to put in so much effort for the sake of the man who once treacherously left her alone.
Restoring self-esteem
After a breakup, a woman's pride is always wounded. She will definitely need some time to recover. You need to regain your peace of mind, come to your senses, and calm your thoughts. All this takes time. Don't rush and push yourself in every possible way. Still, the severity of a break in a relationship is tantamount to a major shock. To stop mentally returning to the past, you must definitely work through the difficult situation that has arisen.
How to forget a husband who left? You just have to keep living, no matter what. Strive to rejoice and notice meaningful prospects for yourself. Don't give up on new experiences. They are the ones who can help you recover and feel some comfort in your soul.
Openness
It often happens that divorced women begin to suffer from isolation. They no longer want to build relationships with men and do not strive to gain mutual understanding. And all because trust has been lost - an important component of their life. However, we must not forget about ourselves. Life is not over, it continues anyway. This must be remembered.
Thus, if a woman is wondering why her husband left me, she should not torment herself. It is necessary to carefully work through the situation in order to let go of anger, resentment, disappointment and focus on the joys of life.
The husband's departure from the family is not a reason to consider that life is over. First of all, the wife needs to determine the reasons for the breakup. The correct behavior of a woman at this difficult moment will help her maintain her dignity and begin a new stage in life. Advice from psychologists will reveal the reasons for men leaving their families, help deceived wives understand themselves and their feelings, get through a difficult period and decide what to do next.
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Why do husbands leave the family?
Passion and intense love relationships cannot last forever. Over time, the severity of sensations dulls. However, some spouses live together until they are very old, while others get divorced. Psychologists identify several reasons for men leaving the family:
- a woman is too protective of her life partner;
- no common hobbies;
- sexual interest disappears;
- there is no mutual understanding, regular quarrels occur;
- the wife stops taking care of herself and looks bad;
- are seized by everyday problems;
- another woman appears.
What to do if your husband has another woman
It is no coincidence that the appearance of a rival is in last place on the list of reasons for men leaving home. Representatives of the stronger sex are usually conservative and do not want to change their lifestyle. Many of them are satisfied with family life and simultaneous affairs. A woman should choose the right model of behavior if she finds out about the appearance of a rival’s spouse in her life. How to behave in this case:
- 1. If your husband has decided to leave, you should not hold him back. Opposition from his wife will only increase his desire. Men are accustomed to appreciating what they get with difficulty. The more obstacles he has on his way, the stronger his desire to be with his beloved will be. The wife should not ask him to stay. By doing this, she will not achieve what she wants and will lose what remains of her pride.
- 2. You can't look like a victim. Men cannot stand tears and try to avoid them. If the wife looks calm and even slightly joyful during separation, this will make the man begin to doubt his decision.
- 3. There is no need to ask an unfaithful husband questions why he does this, why the other is better and what he lacks in their family. Often he himself does not know. And questions will only anger him.
- 4. You cannot blackmail your husband with children: ask him to stay for their sake or threaten that, having left the family, he will not see them again. Even small children are individuals with their own interests and desires. They should not be a bargaining chip in the relationship between mother and father.
How to cope with your spouse's departure
Many women have no idea how to cope with their husband leaving their family. Life seems to be divided into two halves: before and after. The deceived spouse is filled with anger, resentment, hatred, despair, and fear. According to psychologists, if you behave correctly in such a situation, you can get out of the situation with dignity and build equally happy relationships in the future.
A woman left without a husband should not feel sorry for herself and believe that everyone around her is to blame for the current situation. Moreover, you should not think that the husband left because he had a bad life partner. No one is to blame for what happened. This blow of fate should be accepted with dignity, and then the situation will soon be resolved successfully. There is no need to call the fugitive and demand that he return home. Experts do not advise sorting things out with the new lover of a cheating husband. This will only expose the woman to ridicule. If your heart is very heavy, you can break dishes in the house or talk openly with your best friend, sharing your experiences with her. However, there is no need to turn this into a tradition, so as not to get stuck in a state of depression.
Start of a new life
Even if her husband left after 20 years of marriage, a woman always has the opportunity to start her life anew. It would be more correct to look at the situation from a different angle: not “I was abandoned,” but “I became free and independent.” You can make a plan for the future. It can include both daily small things, for example, going to a cafe with friends, buying a beautiful dress, and large ones: a trip to a resort, changing jobs and meeting a new partner.
To make life sparkle with bright colors, you need to completely change the decor in your home. Then nothing will remind you of your former marriage. If you don’t have enough money for new furniture, you can buy curtains, decorate the apartment with flowers, or re-glue the wallpaper. It’s worth finding a hobby: dancing, fitness, learning a foreign language, driving or design courses. An interesting hobby will help you occupy your free time and forget your unfaithful spouse. At the same time, the woman will acquire new knowledge and skills.
Psychologists warn that you should not dwell on your experiences. The world does not end with a husband, no matter how wonderful he is. There is no need to live in hope of restoring the relationship. It is necessary to strive for something new and remember that there are many close people around who need love and care. These are children, parents, friends and even pets. Love given to others always comes back.
A woman’s behavior after her marriage breaks up also depends on the reasons that forced her husband to leave home. If a man decides to break up not because of the emergence of a new love, then you need to try to meet him from time to time in the company of mutual friends, while looking stunning. Smiling, you can invite your spouse to pick up the remaining things. If there are children together, the father cannot be prevented from communicating with them. Their joint trips to the cinema, theaters and walks will not be superfluous.
If a man left because his wife offended him, there is no need to ask for forgiveness. It is better to show your repentance through actions and kind words. A man will understand that his wife has changed, because he feels a change in the relationship.
Trying to get your husband back: is it worth it?
When a man leaves his wife for a new lover, you need to call him for a frank conversation to find out his intentions. During the conversation, you can understand whether he still has any feelings for his wife or not. If the ex-husband is happy in his new family and has no plans to return home, then there is practically no hope for restoring the family. An intelligent woman in this case will wish you luck and try to maintain friendly relations.
If a guy doubts his new feelings, then there is always hope for restoring the relationship. Statistics show that husbands return in 90% of cases. Whether or not to accept the head of the family depends on the woman.
Often a man begins to rush between his former and current woman. Over the course of several months, or even years, it goes away and then returns. In this case, the legal wife must clearly indicate her position, asking whether he wants to live with her and who he loves. The woman must state that a guest marriage is not part of her plans, and if her husband has not filed for divorce, he needs to decide what to do next. According to experts, if a man delays his departure, then he cannot decide with whom he wants to stay. In such a situation, a wise wife can restore the relationship and return her husband if she deems it necessary.
Not all marriages are worth fighting for. Before trying to get back into a relationship, a woman should think carefully about whether she needs it. Maybe it's worth starting a new life without your ex-husband. After all, it’s difficult to continue living with a traitor, fearing that he will do the same again.
And a little about secrets...
I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick idiot...
13 reasons why men can leave seven forever or why a man leaves his family?
Sometimes, even in the most well-disposed couples, some negativity flashes through, but this does not always lead to a breakup; it usually leads to quarrels. But even in the strongest relationships, in which life slowly goes on as usual, and there are no hints that something is wrong, suddenly the man leaves the family...
A family doesn’t just fall apart overnight. It doesn’t happen in life that “yesterday” everything was fine, we were living well, making good things. And “today” the husband packed his things and left in an unknown (or, as often happens, in a known) direction. And if a woman claims that this is exactly what happened, then she is being disingenuous (to put it mildly), simply not wanting to wash dirty linen in public.
A man will never just leave. Before deciding to take such a serious step, he will weigh and think through everything a thousand times. And if he still decides to leave, it means he’s really “fed up” with everything and there are very specific, well-founded reasons for this:
Reason #1. The man has lost interest in his woman.
Yes, girls, no matter how sad it may sound, men lose interest in us after a while.
When a man starts dating a woman, he initially thinks that she is the ideal woman, the one he has been looking for all his life. But over time, the man begins to understand that this is not so.
They are tired of our behavior in bed, our habits, our communication manners, our taste. And here there are two options for the development of events: the first - the man leaves, the second - the man remains, but he most likely does this not because of you, but because of the child, the established life, the apartment. But even if he doesn’t physically leave, he’s not with you...
Reason #2. Cheating wife.
This is one of the common reasons for a man to leave a woman. And all because they are owners by nature. Only a small percentage of men will be able to forgive a woman who cheated on him. The rest leave. But at the same time, men sincerely believe that they themselves can go to the left. I think other comments are unnecessary here.
Reason #3. A woman's incontinence.
But then the unpredictability of women leads to the opposite effect: the man loses control over the situation and he no longer wants to live with a woman who does not behave quite adequately. This is especially true for women who do not know how to control their emotions in society. The result is the same - men leave such women.
Reason #4. Female scandalousness.
At the beginning of a relationship, we all try to look nice and respectable, but sooner or later our true selves come out. More and more often, scandals initiated by women begin.
This starts to happen especially often after you get married. There are many reasons for this; there is no point in listing them in this article. But it makes sense to understand that a man will not tolerate a brawler for long. One day he will silently leave the house. Will you be able to return it? I don't know.
Reason #5. Not a woman's grooming.
It often happens that women, thinking that a man will never get away from her, stop caring for themselves. For some reason, women believe that once they get married, they don’t need to look seductive and attractive, and over time they turn into neglected housewives.
And this causes a quick loss of interest on the part of the man. To avoid this, you just need to start taking care of yourself again, otherwise you risk being left alone. If a woman does not know how to cook, clean, take care of herself, her husband and children, then you should not be surprised when your husband packs up his things and slams the door.
He may continue to love his wife, but her shortcomings outweigh her advantages, and feelings gradually fade away. The appearance of a caring, well-groomed and thrifty woman on the horizon, creating an atmosphere of comfort around herself, can speed up the departure.
Reason #6. Male dissatisfaction.
Here the man does not receive those sharp and passionate emotions from his wife during the performance of marital duty and, again, monotony ruins everything. After all, having lived together for enough time, you get to know each other so well that even sex becomes predictable and the same type for you.
And here again the man’s interest in everything inaccessible and new turns on. He will, of course, find it in the arms of another woman. And you will be left to lick your wounds.
Reason #7. There is a complete lack of spiritual closeness, common interests and understanding.
This is a very serious reason for leaving. Different views on life, on relationships, on raising children reduce family well-being to nothing. If your spouse constantly feels that you are not on the same page, that there is no harmony in the relationship, it will be easier for him to decide to take this step...
Reason #8. The wife becomes a mother, and the husband fades into the background.
A complete fixation on children, elevating them to a cult, repels men. If a wife has changed a lot after giving birth, does not pay attention to the man, behaves coldly and repulsively towards him, sooner or later the man will be drawn to the side.
If such a postpartum period has already lasted for months, or even with bastards, and the wife is not going to change, then be prepared for the fact that the “mother hens” will be left alone...
Reason #9. No children in marriage.
The spouse's reluctance to have children. The number of children in a marriage and their age are also important. It is clear that the more children there are in a marriage and the younger they are in age, the more remorse the man leaving the family experiences.
Accordingly, the fewer children and they are older, the less a man worries and the more inclined he is to divorce. And if the spouses have not had children together over the years of marriage, and the man really wants to, then most likely he will have them on the side with another woman and go to her.
Reason #10. The degree of your dependence on your wife, her relatives and friends, as well as the nature of your relationship with them.
If a man somehow depends on them for his income, career (his bosses are his wife’s relatives or their friends), or lives on their property, and the prospective new bride cannot boast of a large income, real estate and high social status, this may seriously stop the implementation of his intentions to leave his wife.
Especially if he is on warm and friendly terms with them. If he is completely independent of anyone (or this dependence once took place, but has now ended), and his relations with relatives are of a formal nature, the likelihood of divorce increases significantly.
Especially if the alternative wife has her own real estate, property and at least an average income.
Reason #11. Availability of your own living space for further residence.
The wealth of a man. Being in a state of preparation for divorce, a responsible man almost always understands that the apartment should remain with his wife and children (if the couple has children).
Accordingly, if he has alternative housing - another apartment, a shared apartment that is being completed, a comfortable apartment for his parents, service housing, etc., a man is much more bold in leaving his family than if he were to leave home. , it was necessary to hang around with friends, rent expensive housing, or even go to an apartment with another woman.
A man whose career and income level are going up is always positive, so the divorce procedure frightens him much less than a man whose income is barely enough for an average or low subsistence level. Accordingly, a man with a high income feels less of the burden of alimony and is more often inclined to provide significant financial assistance to his children, even without appropriate court decisions. Therefore, he is ready to do anything hard, including divorce.
Reason #12. Lack of habit of one's family.
The first thing that concerns the guarantee of a strong relationship is a man’s habit of his family. If everything in his life is connected with family, he takes care of his family and friends, and his family respects him, then, most likely, the man simply cannot leave them.
The thing is that our brain does not like frequent changes from what is familiar to it and this does not motivate new changes; If a man spends little time in his family, and this may even be related to his field of activity.
He (a sailor, an astronaut, an eternal businessman, works in the north on a rotational basis, etc....), then naturally weanes himself from his family, perhaps he already has another family in another city or even country... And it will be easier for him to leave such a family for another...
Reason #13. Serious feelings and intentions for another woman.
Now we come to one of the most, perhaps, important reasons for husbands leaving their wives. The most offensive reason that makes it very difficult to return your husband to the family. If he calmly packed his things, left, and immediately filed for divorce within a week or month, it means that he is firmly confident in his intentions to start a family with another woman. This means she turned out to be something really important to him, better than his wife.
Although most wives believe that mistresses are there to relieve their needs, this is not always the case. If a man is no longer completely satisfied with his wife, or at least in the main aspects of life, and he knows for sure that he will not miss this woman, he will leave her irrevocably if he is really convinced that the new passion is not only in love, but also in life and in everyday life he will turn out to be much better than his ex-wife...
Very often, a beautiful love story develops into a cold relationship and the husband leaves the family.
When getting married, many women sometimes do not even admit the thought that someday this happy time could end. Both a woman and a man sooner or later face all the realities of living together and, unfortunately, in everyday life sometimes there is simply no place left for romance, and the feelings of partners cannot always be static, so feelings either flare up or fade away...
Why does a man leave the family?
1. Incompatibility of characters.
“They didn’t get along” is one of the most common reasons for men leaving the family home. Different views on life, bad habits, which, alas, not everyone can come to terms with, lack of mutual understanding and mutual respect inevitably lead to a breakdown in relationships.
2. Spouse's untidiness.
Many married women are convinced that a man is ready to love his wife in any form, but they forget that men are... They love with their eyes, they are attracted to beautiful, well-groomed, self-sufficient women.
Worn out slippers, old dressing gowns, a dull appearance - such external disharmony is simply unbearable for many men.
Sexual dissatisfaction.
A man’s sexual dissatisfaction is a strong factor that can also provoke a break in a relationship. It is not always possible for a man to directly tell his wife about his erotic fantasies and desires. It is sexual dissatisfaction that provokes men to cheat.
The insidious homewrecker.
No woman is immune from this turn of events. Anyone can fall madly in love with another woman and so much so that children and years spent in marriage fade into the background.
Women whose husbands leave for their mistresses can “dig into themselves” as much as they want, but it also happens that the problem is not with them - the husband just fell in love with another woman. There are also cases when husbands leave for other women not even out of great love, but simply in search of a feeling of novelty.
Cheating wife.
Not every man is able to forgive betrayal, due to the fact that many of them are owners by nature and betrayal is a blow to male pride, so as a result the husband leaves his wife.
Routine.
The stability and regularity of family life quite often lose their attractiveness, turning into boring rituals and habits. Daily fulfillment of mutual obligations is at the same time something without which living together is impossible, and because of which bright emotions in family life fade. Not all men can steadfastly pull the burden of monotonous family relationships and prefer “free hunting” to them.
Divorce for the sake of personal freedom.
Control and leadership over a man's life is a common mistake many women make. Of course, when entering into a family relationship, a man must agree to certain changes in his life, but some women are delighted when they think that they have “wrestled the man” and now they can easily be turned right and left.
Such wives believe that their husband is an integral part of them, who should always be nearby or “on a short leash,” they are constantly bothered by phone calls and sincerely think that their husband needs their close care and comprehensive control. This is a fundamentally wrong belief that brings bitter fruits.
Men are freedom-loving people! For the sake of a sense of freedom, husbands leave home more often than because of infidelity, easily sacrificing both home comfort and established habits.
Why do husbands come back?
Although the overwhelming majority of men who left their family create new “units of society” or even, but, according to statistics, 30% of those who “slammed the door” return to their ex-wives.
Let's look at some reasons explaining why departed husbands return to the family:
Craving for the familiar.
For example, if a wife kicked her husband out of the house due to any of his misconduct or incorrect, from her point of view, behavior, then everything is clear - the man realized his guilt or became so attached to his chosen one that he cannot imagine his existence without her.
It’s not for nothing that they say that habit is second nature. Many men leave their family for another woman in the hope of a completely new stage of life - bright, relaxed, filled with new colors, but practice shows the opposite - it can idealize everything that happened in the past, thereby “pulling out” the best and happiest moments from memory , with another.
It would seem that in a new relationship, the ex-husband begins to slowly get used to the new chosen one, both in everyday life and in various nuances of everyday life, but you cannot eradicate the memory. Therefore, a man often begins to remember his past, more established, familiar life, figuratively speaking: his wife learned to cook exactly what he loves, knows by heart that in the morning it is necessary to add three tablespoons of sugar without milk to coffee, and in the evening, vice versa.
After all, even simply watching a television program can bring back memories of how he and his ex-wife sat in the evenings in front of the TV, which they purchased with such difficulty...
Change of world view.
Some men are able to leave a woman in order to rid themselves of any problems: material, domestic. Where do they usually go in such cases? To my mother and her joy.
At first, yes, he feels comfortable, but over time he begins to feel like a child next to his mother, while he is already more accustomed to being the head of the family and feeling like an adult. Not many men like this way of life and therefore they are increasingly beginning to think about returning to the bosom of their family.
Reconciliation.
Sometimes the return of an ex-husband is natural, but in fact, he did not plan to leave for good, but wanted, so to speak, to teach his irrepressible wife a lesson, to let her suffer, suffer and understand how bad she feels without him... He understands that You can, in the end, make peace and enter into a new relationship. In such cases, it is imperative for men to think about the consequences - will his wife take him back?
All of the above cannot fully cover all situations, problems and nuances that happen in family life. Nevertheless, these facts allow us to draw certain conclusions.
It is necessary to protect family relationships, not allowing bad moods and everyday troubles to darken the family firmament.
Take care and love your spouses so that you can go through life hand in hand, supporting each other to the end.
This is a continuation of the first part, which you can read at the link
So, let's continue and smoothly move on to one of the main reasons for a husband leaving the family.
First. A woman spoils a man too much.
This is one of the main reasons. Often this reason is basic, and from it comes bad relationships, criticism, betrayal, and only then, as a consequence, the husband’s departure from the family.
The algorithm is something like this. A woman constantly pampers a man. Pampering is a complex concept; of course, for example, he excessively praises his husband and belittles himself. A man's self-esteem begins to go off scale in relation to himself and is underestimated in relation to a woman.
After several years of such suggestions from a woman, he thinks something like this: “I am a man with incredible abilities and beauty that many women want to meet. My wife is not a very smart, not very beautiful woman, who was very lucky to have met me. After all, she is the one running after me. She is the one who recognizes my obvious merits.” It is clear that if a man thinks so, then the next step is to look for a better woman, and not the one who is. At a minimum, he begins to perceive his wife as someone much lower than himself. (something like a servant)
It doesn't matter how things really are. It is important what exactly a man begins to think after several years of incorrect suggestions from his wife. (Most likely, he is ugly, rather stupid, and he is lucky with a woman, since inadequate self-esteem easily sticks to him)
The next option is pampering - this is when a woman has little control over a man.
I already wrote about this once on my blog and on the Sunny Hands website, but I’ll repeat it. A relationship when a woman completely trusts a man with all of herself, trusts and does not control all of his time, finances, etc. - this is obvious pampering of a man.
No man can stand such excessive freedom. Yes, he doesn't need her.
For example, often a husband’s departure from his wife begins with his constant mistress. (not a one-time thing) But to constantly meet with your mistress, you need a lot of free time, a lot of free energy and quite a lot of free money.
I repeat that a man should not so much earn a lot or have a lot of time/energy, but rather have free energy, that is, in this context, uncontrolled flows of all this on the part of his wife.
For example, free money.
If you know your husband’s income down to the penny, and even better, if you manage the family budget entirely yourself, distribute the money yourself, then it will be difficult for a man to even think about finding a mistress, and especially a permanent mistress, even if difficulties arise in the family . After all, all this requires money. A permanent mistress demands even more money.
At this point, let me remind you that I’m not talking about money in general, but about a man’s free, uncontrolled money, that is, in essence, his excessive self-indulgence. A man can earn well, even very well, but he has little free money, because his wife is aware of all financial receipts.
The conclusion here is obvious. Remove the flow of uncontrollable money and problems in the family will be 15-20 percent less.
And here, of course, there are professions that are less controlled (for example, salary from a percentage of sales or entrepreneurs with gray income), but the main thing is still not even a man and a profession, but a woman’s reluctance to do something simple for control and leave everything to chance . After all, even “gray” income can be controlled if it is common practice in the family to discuss everything openly.
Second is free time.
A man should not have too much uncontrolled free time. For example, you call him, but he does not pick up the phone or cannot talk to you for 10 minutes at any time if you need. Why is that? You'll probably come up with 33 excuses right now. And these excuses are that YOU are too lazy to put basic order in your money and time. I’m already silent about incomprehensible “business trips” for several days with overnight stays, or going to a nightclub with friends, birthdays without my wife.
A man should not have a lot of free uncontrolled time. And it’s not that he works a lot or sits at home. A man can work 12 hours a day every day and be unsupervised.
And the last thing is free energy. There shouldn’t be too much of it (uncontrollable) either. All a man’s energy should be directed to things that are useful for the family.
And, of course, pampering also encourages whining.
Pampering is also when a woman tries to give a man complete trust, etc. and so on. I have already described all this in great detail and will not repeat myself too much.
Let me summarize this point briefly. The husband leaves the family, or at least the risk of this increases 100 times when a woman spoils a man too much.
In other words, if a man has a large uncontrollable income, if he has a lot of free time, when he meets with his friends without you (and friends without wives, respectively), then the chances are that the man will not leave such a family (or the wife will not will drive out), not very large. The screws need to be tightened and this should have been done before marriage, of course.
Second. Development of men and women in different directions.
A man and a woman live together easily when they have similar values. To put it simply, they have something to talk about and they easily understand each other. (And if it seems to you that everyone has something to talk about, then you are either too young or your social circle is very homogeneous.)
In fact, it is possible that the man (in relation to the topic of the article) is beginning to move in some direction. And it doesn't matter where. Maybe it's personal growth. (Maybe it just seems to him that he is growing personally, but that doesn’t matter).
Maybe he becomes an obvious raw foodist, a supporter of some faith.
Maybe he starts “building” his body and regularly goes to training, starts watching his diet. Basically, it doesn't matter.
But the essence is the same, a man and a woman move in different directions. After some time, they suddenly discover that they are STRANGERS and have nothing to talk about. They don't even make trouble or criticize each other. They just SUDDENLY stopped loving each other. And how can you love a stranger.
After such insight, everything often begins to collapse one after another. There is no desire to have sex with a stranger, even for health reasons. There is no desire to talk about anything with a stranger. It is very difficult to manage any business, even the most obvious ones (like raising children and household chores).
An example would be school friends with whom you have not spoken for a long time. Just recently, after graduating from school, for example, it seemed to you that you would always have something to talk about with your childhood friends. And then you meet 10-15 years later and it happens that even for 10 minutes there is nothing to talk about. (this doesn't always happen, but often)
The same can happen in a family.
At first, the man (or sometimes the woman), of course, tries to convince his partner to move somewhere. That is, if a man is interested in, for example, building a body, then he also begins to convince the woman to go to the gym, eat food in portions and exclude fatty foods, etc. from food and, conversely, include protein and various cocktails. (This is just an example. Absolutely any change in values and priorities can happen).
And it’s good (for the family) if a man gives up everything after some time. It’s tolerable if you haven’t given up, but also pursue your hobbies a little bit a couple of times a week. It’s tolerable if your wife does the same thing, but with much less enthusiasm. (For example, a man every day, and a wife once or twice a week).
If not (the wife does not want to go to sports with her husband, does not follow a diet), then after some time the man stops convincing his wife of the usefulness and necessity of something he is doing. (I'm behind with my nonsense, in simple words) And this is not at all as great as it might seem at first glance.
On the contrary, a man begins to gain a foothold in his new hobby or behavior. He makes acquaintances, friends from a new hobby. After some time, the husband and wife begin to feel like strangers. The divorce of such people usually occurs without emotional excesses. The husband actually silently leaves his wife.
Third. Dissatisfaction with everything a man does.
A very common reason that a husband leaves his wife or leaves home. I think everything is relatively obvious here. A man does something, no matter what.
Maybe he bought something.
Maybe he did something around the house.
Maybe he brought home a salary (slightly less than expected or no bonus).
Maybe he just remained silent when he was criticized :).
And a woman is always dissatisfied with what a man does. The man bought something. This is very cool, but not exactly what my wife would like. And so she begins to grumble and scold him for buying something wrong.
Or last month you bought a good gift, but where this week?
Did you do something around the house? But you need to wipe the table first with a wet cloth, and only then with a dry one. (or vice versa, it doesn’t matter) But the man does it wrong.
The man brought the salary. It seems like there is enough for everything, but her friend’s husband’s salary is 2 times higher and therefore every time the man brings his salary, he hears not gratitude, but that it is lower than necessary, 2 or even 3 times.
So, maybe you think that I am advising you not to criticize a man? Maybe we need to protect him from criticism so that he, the poor man, does not fall apart from its breath?
And yet, constant, background criticism is what most often destroys relationships and leads to the husband leaving the family. Why is that?
You've probably already noticed the first difference..
It's a constant criticism of what a man does. That is, it is clear that if a man does nothing, then he can, and even should, be criticized. If he does something, even if not everything is perfect, then it is better to postpone criticism a little. That is, you need to either criticize or not criticize. No need to criticize all the time. (Well, if a man hasn’t earned even a little praise and does everything badly, then maybe he should leave his wife or home :))
This habit of background criticism is usually precisely a habit instilled from childhood. It may not be so easy to get rid of it. At least this cannot be done in one day or even a week. Constant criticism gradually undermines relationships. And then at some point, and for some completely insignificant reason, an explosion occurs and the husband leaves his wife. (sometimes leaves silently)
The second difference is that criticism takes a long time.
That is, one thing is when a man did something wrong, and a woman told him about it. It’s a completely different matter when a woman “nags” and “nags.” Therefore, it is advisable to cut, then give it a break, and after some time you can cut again :)
I understand that most often a man himself, through some of his not very attractive actions, has earned the fact that he is “nagged.” But, nevertheless, it is what it is. Too long criticism usually no longer brings the positive effect of short criticism, and the negative consequences come forward.
So, constant criticism is one of the most powerful reasons that a man leaves home. He often leaves “unexpectedly” for the woman, but in reality, of course, because of relationships undermined by criticism.
Fourth. Lack of sex.
Here it seems to me that everything is obvious, but for some reason this reason remains one of the reasons, although not the most common, but still for which families regularly break up.
I think it's obvious to many women that sex is important to a man, even if they don't talk about it. In fact, dating a man and a woman often begins with the fact that the man needs sex from the woman.
If there is no sex, then the man begins to look for another woman. (Not right away, of course, but if it’s gone for a month, two or more, then maybe). And it happens that some kind of relationship begins with such a woman, which can then develop into the fact that the man leaves for her.
The reasons for the lack of sex are often being busy with children, some kind of illness and excessive changes in a woman’s appearance. (a change in appearance means gaining too much weight) All this, of course, needs to be monitored.
I repeat that this reason for a husband leaving his wife is not the most common and is usually combined with some other reasons. It’s very detailed about what a man likes in sex and how to establish intimate relationships, and he wrote it in the book "The most intimate men's secrets and secrets".
So, the reasons that a man leaves the family are usually quite simple. You can call it criticism, sex, pampering of a man in the form of uncontrollable money/time/self-esteem. Other reasons are relatively rare (wife’s betrayal, for example, change of values and strangers, etc.)
Remove the main reasons, and your husband will not leave the family and even your family life will become a little happier. Sometimes this requires some toughness from a woman. But what won’t you do for the man you love :).
Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.
