Don't worry if you don't like someone. We are all different. And this reaction reminds us that no one is perfect. Including ourselves.
1. Accept the fact that you won't get along with everyone.
This is fine. Some people like you, but others can't stand you. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or others. Each of us just has our own preferences.
The decisive role here is played by the difference in characters. An introvert may seem boring, and a convinced realist may find the wonderful mood of an optimist inadequate.
We tend to invest energy in what we like. Let's say one of your friends or colleagues is annoying you. Of course, you will not seek a meeting with him and maintain contact. But sometimes this approach can develop into open hostility.
2. Try to understand your interlocutor
Maybe your mother-in-law does not consider you frivolous, as you always thought. And your colleague is not really trying to set you up. Take a closer look, and perhaps you will understand the motives of their actions or even extract some useful advice.
There is no need to get angry if there really is a good reason for criticism against you. You will only make yourself look bad. Just take my word for it and take the critical remark into account.
3. Keep your emotions under control
Your reaction to this or that situation depends only on you. She can drive you crazy if you let it. Don't waste your energy.
Don't give in if someone bullies you or tries to piss you off. Sometimes "smile and wave"- this is the best method.
It is very important to initially treat everyone you meet with respect. This does not mean that you should always follow the lead and agree with everyone.
You need to be polite towards other people. This way, you will remain consistent with your opinion, remain calm, and the advantage will be on your side.
4. Don't take things personally
Very often we simply misunderstand a person. Perhaps he simply did not express his thoughts quite accurately or his day was not going well in the morning. You shouldn’t lash out at someone, because they might lash out at you back. This will only escalate the situation. Rise above this, concentrate on the matter at hand, not paying attention to the inadequate reaction of your interlocutor.
If you feel tired and take a break, take a walk. Set boundaries for your personal space where no one can disturb you.
5. Speak calmly
The way we communicate is often much more important than what we say. If the situation is heated, then it's time to talk about it. However, the dialogue should not be aggressive. It is better to use sentences that begin with the words “I”, “me”, “me”, for example: “It annoys me when you do this. Could you do things differently? Most likely, the interlocutor will listen to you and also express his opinion.
Sometimes it is worth calling in a third party for help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Maybe after the dialogue you will not become friends with the one with whom the conflict is brewing, but at least you will be able to communicate normally.
Working alongside people you find difficult to get along with is a rewarding experience that will show you how you can deal with problems.
6. Prioritize
Not everything deserves your time and attention. You must decide whether you really want to maintain communication with this or that person or whether it is better to concentrate on, for example, work.
Weigh the situation. Will it get worse over time? Sooner or later there will be a problem. If the conflict has matured simply by coincidence, then you can quickly deal with it.
7. Don't get defensive
If you feel constant dissatisfaction with you from someone else, if someone focuses only on your shortcomings, you should not rush at this person with your fists. This is not a way out. Such behavior will only provoke him. Instead, it is better to ask directly what exactly does not suit him. Gossiping or bullying can be a sign that you are being manipulated or even shown as a show of power.
If a person wants you to treat them with respect, they should treat you the same.
There is one psychological trick: speak quickly when expressing your disagreement with someone. This way the interlocutor will have less time to answer. Slow down if you feel he is ready to agree with you.
8. Remember that you are the creator of your own happiness.
Of course, it is difficult to soberly assess the situation if someone is getting on your nerves. However, never let others drag you down.
If someone's words really touch your heartstrings, look into yourself. Maybe you are not confident in yourself or are worried about some work issues? If so, focus on solving problems that matter to you.
Don't compare yourself to others, because we are all different.
Remind yourself of your achievements more often and don’t let anyone ruin your mood because of some little thing!
Today I will tell you how to tolerate people you hate, who annoy you. We are often surrounded by people who we cannot avoid. Then we have to put up with their qualities that irritate us. It happens that friends, wives or husbands, the people closest to us, have shortcomings that are difficult to tolerate.
On the one hand, we love these people and we desire their company, but, on the other hand, they often behave in ways that we do not like. How to cope with your irritation about other people's behavior, other people's shortcomings? This will be discussed in this article.
When should we not tolerate?
I’ll say right away that I’m not going to help you become opportunists who will tolerate any circumstances and any people without trying to change anything. Still, in some situations it is necessary to solve the problem, and not look for ways to kill the bitterness and irritation associated with people’s behavior.
If the situation can be corrected, then it needs to be corrected. If a colleague is constantly rude to you, it is better to talk to him about this, instead of silently enduring it. If your husband offends you, then you need to try to influence him, change his behavior, or, as a last resort, by delivering your ultimatum. After all, you have been living with this person for many years; will you not tolerate something that is difficult to tolerate?
But, unfortunately, we cannot influence everything, and we have to endure some things. For example, these are some of the shortcomings of our friends, the presence of which does not create a big problem, but sometimes annoys us. This is boorish, unfriendly behavior of strangers on the street. These are the annoying habits of your work colleagues, the kind of habits that they are not going to get rid of.
But it also happens that the problem is not only in other people, but also in you. For example, your colleague annoys only you and no one else, simply because you yourself dislike him or are jealous of him, or are too irritable, or do not see anything in him except his shortcomings, or you are simply always in a bad mood.
It happens that it is better to solve a problem than to endure it. But, sometimes, the right way out is to show tolerance towards people. In some cases, we have to change our attitude towards people in order to replace irritation and anger with tolerance and goodwill.
But, in any case, in situations where the problem cannot be solved, it is better to experience positive emotions, or at least not experience negative emotions, than to be angry and irritated. Negative emotions consume your moral strength, fetter and limit your mind.
And if you cannot change some people or avoid their company, then it is better to learn not to spoil your mood with their presence and behavior, learn to tolerate them. It is better to remain joyful and equanimous than to remain angry and irritated because of other people's problems.
See people as challenges
I will tell you about this method first, as it helps me a lot. When I feel irritated by someone's actions, I immediately begin to think of people as challenges, as opportunities to learn something, develop my abilities and get rid of shortcomings.
If you are about to meet someone who makes you angry, use this as an opportunity to learn to control your own anger. After all, you won’t be able to learn this when you don’t feel this anger!
Use communication with your friend, who earns much more than you and allows himself to spend things that you don’t even think about, as a way to cope with your envy.
If contacts with some people only make you want to clash with them in a heated argument, then try to extract from these meetings only the positive experience of self-control and tolerance towards other people's opinions.
Instead of getting carried away by your feelings of anger and irritation, try to analyze them, recognize them and prevent them. Let meetings with other people become a training for your capabilities!
Remember, often the source of your emotions is not other people, but yourself. Negative feelings arise in you not only because the other person is bad and behaves inappropriately, but also because you allow him to drive you crazy. It is not entirely correct to say that someone makes you angry with their actions. You yourself get angry in response to someone else's actions! Only you are responsible for your emotions. (But that doesn't mean you have to tolerate every person's actions. The problem isn't necessarily always yours, as I wrote above.)
And you can control these emotions.
Therefore, when you meet people towards whom you feel anger, envy, or resentment, you are actually facing your inner “demons.”
These “demons” cannot be defeated without facing them.
If you perceive unpleasant people as challenges that life sends you, giving you a chance to become better, then it will be easier for you to be patient with such people. After all, you will see in such meetings not another reason for frustration, but a chance to work on yourself, correct your own shortcomings, a chance for yourself, and not for someone else!
And this will fill you with the will and motivation for tolerance.
Be sincere
Nothing exacerbates friction between people more than secrecy and closeness in conditions of mutual tension. Try, if possible, to bring up problems of misunderstanding between each other for joint discussion. Hints and sneaky actions will never achieve what you can achieve with a sincere and constructive conversation.
Of course, such a conversation is not always possible due to social restrictions. You won't be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with many people.
In your imagination, you can think all kinds of bad things about a person. But after talking with him, you will often find that his personality does not at all correspond to your ideas.
Open dialogue will help two people understand each other. Speaking of understanding...
Try to understand other people
If you try to understand the actions of other people, instead of immediately criticizing and condemning them, then you will find that a person’s actions are natural consequences of his thoughts, mental state and worldview.
This is a pretty obvious idea, but let's dwell on it. Anger and frustration are usually caused by an abyss of misunderstanding, namely the fact that you cannot put yourself in the other person’s shoes, so some of his actions seem inexplicable, mean and deserving of condemnation.
Imagine that some elderly woman was rude to you on the subway. I agree that it is very difficult to put yourself in her shoes unless you are a gruff older woman yourself. But you can at least guess a little about the state of such a person.
As people age, they develop health problems that have a negative impact on their emotional state. The woman who was rude to you spends her days in queues, where she communicates with people who are equally dissatisfied with their lives.
Most likely, there are still some problems in her life, like other people, but due to her age, it is harder for her to abstract from them. Her mind is no longer so aware of the difference between good and bad. She does not know how to recognize her emotions and transfers her irritation and dissatisfaction to other people. It seems to her that other people owe her boundless respect only because of her age.
If you try to understand another person even a little, you will realize two things.
First, his anger and malice are logical consequences of himself. This is not to say that they are strictly caused by your actions. Their source is the many internal characteristics of a given person. At the same time, this person himself considers his actions correct and fair! He does not see meanness and evil intent in them.
He does this not because he is somehow evil or mean, but for many, many reasons! Each person’s actions have their own internal reasons! And if these reasons are represented at least a little, we will experience less anger than if we perceive other people’s actions in isolation, in isolation from the reasons that determine them.
In such a context, this act will not be vile, but rather natural. And such actions are much easier to tolerate.
Secondly, it will be easier for you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and, thanks to this, show more understanding towards him. And if you begin to empathize with a person, feel him, understand that you yourself can experience the same thing that he experiences, then your anger and resentment will go away.
Yes, you are not an old woman, but have you never gotten angry for nothing? Haven't stress at work ever provoked you to take your anger out on others? Have you never been stubborn, not admitting your own guilt, which took place?
Perhaps in your case the irritation never reached such a limit (although who knows), but still, you probably experienced something similar. Therefore, you can understand it. Remembering that you yourself experienced such emotions, you realize that you are not ideal and the behavior that you condemn is also characteristic of you, although perhaps not in such an acute form.
Very often, people who criticize others for their shortcomings themselves have similar shortcomings.
Therefore, before you get annoyed by other people's actions, try to understand the person and put yourself in his place. Think about it, have you never behaved in a similar way yourself?
Speaking about the reasons that determine behavior, I was not trying to say that people are not to blame for anything, since their actions are always dictated by the state of their psyche. On the contrary, I take the position that a person himself is responsible for his actions. At this point, I spoke exclusively about understanding motives, about empathy, and not about removing responsibility from someone.
Approach people with a sense of humor
I have noticed how much my perception of the shortcomings of some people I have known for a long time has changed. If before they irritated me and even infuriated me, now I began to treat them kindly and with humor.
I was very pleased with this change in me, since I felt that thanks to this I did not fall into anger and maintained my good mood and goodwill. It's much better than being angry!
Therefore, now I try to treat other people's shortcomings with a kind laugh. When I talk about approaching people with humor, I mean kind, slightly condescending affection, and not contemptuous and arrogant ridicule.
I used to hate other people's boasting. I thought: “what does he think about himself, what does he allow himself?” And now the same people give me only positive emotions. I enjoy watching them, and I see their boastfulness as an amusing quality rather than an annoying flaw. And the feelings that arise in me are more reminiscent of affection for the child’s behavior than frustration.
Notice how funny and a little ridiculous people are in their weaknesses. Notice that you yourself can be funny and funny. Find reasons for humor, not for indignation.
Don't get hung up on criticism
I know from my own experience that you can get very carried away by criticizing other people. Our imperfect mind finds some secret pleasure in endlessly blaming other people and discussing their shortcomings. We tend to look for reasons to tell ourselves that others are somehow worse than us.
If you get carried away with criticizing others and their shortcomings, then people will turn into walking shortcomings for you. If you look at the bad sides of people for a long time, they will take on grandiose proportions for you, and you will not notice anything good behind them.
Stop criticizing, “washing bones”, gossiping behind your back and weaving intrigues. It won't make you happier!
Notice all the good things in people!
Being more calm, harmonious, joyful and, as a result, more tolerant of people will help you.
The famous commandment “love your neighbor” is a high spiritual guideline for me. And I want it to be the same for you, regardless of your religion. It's not easy to love people. Love for one's neighbor should be cultivated and developed within oneself for a long time. And the source of this love will not be other people, but you yourself. When you, these feelings will begin to be projected onto the entire outside world!
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like to say once again that you do not need to endure any circumstances. If the situation cannot be tolerated, then try to solve it. Focus specifically on solving the problem, not on frustration or insults.
Try to change circumstances, first of all, and only then prove something to someone. If someone offends you at work, direct your efforts to ensure that this does not happen again, instead of taking revenge on the offender and aggravating the conflict.
Be calm, do not allow the anger of others to incite anger and other negative emotions in yourself. Don't let random people decide what your mood will be.
Look for effective ways to resolve conflicts. Problems with other people can either be solved by influencing other people, or ignored, or eliminated the problem from your life, or eliminate the problem in yourself.
There are several options other than “just endure.” Which one to choose, decide for yourself, based on your experience, reason and intuition. The main thing is less feelings. Be constructive, not emotional. And then your mind will tell you the right decision.
There is no such person around whom you will not meet negative people. Acquaintances, work colleagues, just random passers-by - they can all invade the conversation and turn the conversation into a negative direction. And no matter how hard we try to completely exclude unpleasant individuals from our social circle, they appear on the horizon again and again in different guises. Some of them love to feed on negative emotions so much that they consider a day lived without insults, barbs and humiliation to be in vain. In this post, we will teach the reader how to deal with such toxic personalities.
Let's remember situations from the past
Remember what your environment was like at school or college? Surely in the class there were children from dysfunctional families, bullies, hooligans and bullies who dreamed of taking out their aggression, compensating for parental beatings, on their peers. And at the institute there have always been, are and will be groups of people who are constantly dissatisfied with the state of affairs. Remember that the teaching staff also has its own characteristics. Many of them have favorites, while their principled mentors are ready to simply raze them all to the ground.
Daily negativity by occupation
Having acquired a profession, especially if the field of activity forces one to be involved in socially disadvantaged groups, a person, by the nature of his employment, is called upon to help the disadvantaged and affected, all the time taking upon himself human troubles and problems. Our advice will help, first of all, social workers who, due to the nature of their work, encounter negative emotions every day. All other readers will also find a lot of useful information for themselves.
Learn not to get into an argument
1. Psychologists who have long and painstakingly studied relationships with negative people advise avoiding conflict situations with such individuals. Remember that a negative person has long formed his views on life and will never change them, even if a thousand good arguments rain down on him. And for every weighty argument you have, such a person will always find 10 arguments of his own. Trying to prove that you are right, you will always be forced to circulate around the negativity of your interlocutor, which will ultimately suck you into a funnel and rapidly pull you down.
We suggest you behave as follows. At the very beginning of the conversation, give 1-2 constructive comments and track the mood of the interlocutor. If he shows no signs of backing down, don't continue the argument. 
Empathize with upset people
2. Perhaps a good half of negatively-minded individuals will respond to your empathy. They are probably more interested in speaking out about their problem than in solving the issue. Act as a “vest”, let people pour out their souls to you, and it will make them feel better.
Give a helping hand
3. Sometimes people's complaints look more like pleas and cries for help than empty lamentations. In response to another such complaint, offer your possible assistance. After all, just ask if the person is doing well and you will see the situation miraculously change.
Keep communication casual
4. If you know some characteristics of negatively-minded acquaintances or work colleagues, never take the conversation in a direction that can stir up a sore subject. If your colleague has problems at home, try not to talk about his wife and children, otherwise you will again be sucked into the abyss of negativity. In this case, talk about hobbies, about winter fishing, about football - about anything that does not irritate your interlocutor.
So, you and I understand that we must try more fully to extinguish potential negative emotions. Therefore, there will always be only one way out of the situation - to lead the interlocutor to the positive. Think about the fact that perhaps the person himself was swallowed up by the abyss of negativity, and he simply does not know how to get out of the abyss. So give him a portion of positive emotions, abstract pleasant topics in conversation. Cheer up your interlocutor, give a compliment and talk about simple things. 
Ignore negative comments
5. It is impossible to control your interlocutor 100%, so be mentally prepared for the fact that sooner or later negative comments, barbs and insults will come to light again. What to do in this case? Have standard statements in the form of “I see,” “Okay,” or “Okay.” These blanks will act as a protective barrier that will easily help you ignore any negative comments. Do this as often as possible, and the person will understand that it is simply impossible to talk to you in a negative way.
Learn to praise a person for good things
6. Relations between adult members of society, their psychological aspects, can adopt positive experience from other areas, such as raising the younger generation. It turns out that adults also subconsciously love to be praised for good deeds, perhaps they are simply afraid to admit it to themselves. You can highlight any detail you like in your interlocutor, be it a new haircut or fashionable clothes. Perhaps for the first time he will be surprised and even confused, but he will definitely be delighted and simply disarmed. This technique is also good to use in the long term.
Conduct a conversation in an extended format
7. Know that if you conduct a conversation not in a “1 on 1” format, but involve someone else in the conversation, then the interlocutor’s negativity will be dispersed into smaller particles. Thus, you will ease all the burden that you could take on yourself if you were speaking in a one-on-one format. By bringing someone else into the conversation, you can successfully put into practice the techniques we discussed earlier. 
Learn to take responsibility for your reaction
8. No person is perfect. And perhaps you yourself perceive someone in a negative light, and this is solely your personal judgment. It is likely that other people are able to perceive the same person in a completely different way. In other words, a certain negative stereotype has formed in your mind, but this is only your opinion, and only you are responsible for it. If you look for positive traits and qualities in a person, you can develop your own skills. Of course, this is difficult, but doable.
Reduce contact to a minimum
9. Everything we talked about here earlier requires a lot of work, time and patience. Let's face it, not everyone has the opportunity to “tinker” with problematic negative personalities (unless there are connections with professional activities) and cultivate positive qualities in them and in themselves. In this case, there is only one way out of the situation - to reduce communication with such persons to nothing.
Trampling in the mud
Since those who trample into the mud are smaller than others, it is best to communicate with them calmly and good-naturedly. By using calm questions, refrain from raising your voice or making arrogant remarks: this makes people defensive and more brash.
This method is similar to a small exam, the purpose of which is to find out what exactly irritates a person. Adhering to a thorough, non-aggressive tone, you will notice how surprisingly the toxic behavior of the Trample in the dirt changes, how he becomes calmer, softer, how he smiles when he manages to get to the bottom of the truth.
Most often, people put you down when you have something they don't have, or when your behavior offends them in some way. In most cases, they feel uncomfortable around you. Therefore, a compassionate approach that will make it easier for you to communicate with them is no less successful.
Chatterbox
When communicating with a Chatterbox, a way to relieve tension is indispensable. It will help you keep your cool. Try the method of substituted fantasy. Chatterboxes should know that their endless chatter is usually inappropriate, so the method of open protest will also be effective. It is best to resort to it without outside witnesses, because the Chatterbox will have to save the situation in order to maintain his dignity.
You can start by kindly and gently assuring Chatterbox how much you love him (if that is the case), but that sometimes he talks too much about things that are not interesting to everyone. Teach Chatterbox to look closely at the facial expressions and postures of others to understand their level of interest. At first, Chatterbox may be shocked, and this will cause him to react defensively. If so, you'll have to be more forthcoming and give examples of his tiresome chatter. But do not forget to assure that you still understand and love him.
Invite him to remember that a certain gesture - raising his eyebrows, touching - can serve as a signal for him to turn the conversation around. Often defensive reactions and fear are caused by the inability to master basic communication skills and understand the facial and body language of others.
If the Chatterbox is impenetrable or continues to use your time and energy, you should be firm, using the method of open protest, and not allow him to cross the boundaries of what is permitted.
Self-Destructor
People who are filled with contempt and self-hatred most need to apply the method of love and kindness. You need to talk to them as gently as possible, otherwise they will never stop behaving in the way they are accustomed to. Self-destructors do not require food, alcohol, cigarettes or sex. They are hungry for love and attention.
There are times when you can't sit back and watch people torment themselves. In this case, only a retreat method can help. After you have tried everything and honestly admitted to your loved one that you know about his problem and are ready to help him - and all in vain! - There is nothing left to do but retreat and let him get out of trouble on his own. You can never help a Self-Destructor until he is willing to help himself.
Trouble Avoider
If you want to communicate with an Avoider, first try to catch him, preferably before he runs away. The first thing to do with him is the method of open protest. Don't think that this will hurt him, it's not your concern. On the contrary, tell him that you think about his habit of running away from difficulties, that you are tired of it and that he must solve this problem.
Typically, the Trouble Avoider is not one to argue, so when you complain, they tend to listen and act. Of course, he can escape, as usual, by fleeing if he cannot digest what he heard from you.
If you sort things out with a Trouble Avoider and he still runs away, don't regret starting the fight, because now at least you know who is wrong. Just remember that if a person runs away, he doesn't care about you.
Dormant but deadly volcano
Gossip
Gossips are extremely dangerous because they can turn your life into a nightmare. The only thing that can stop a gossip is that you know very well who he is and what he is trying to do. Use the method of open protest and explain that such behavior is inappropriate - especially if they are gossiping about you. If a gossiper is gossiping about someone you know or are friends with, calm him down with the words: “I’m not going to listen to this,” or “I don’t believe a word you say,” or “I’m not interested.”
Try to ensure that there is no place for Gossips in your professional life, because they can ruin your career.
Fatal fighter
All the Fatal Fighter needs is tenderness, love, care. It’s simply amazing how quickly the method of love and kindness can cool his ardor and even transform him. It won't necessarily happen instantly, but eventually you will see a kinder, more flexible person in front of you.
If the Doom Fighter becomes aggressive, unleashing his rage on you, the only way out is to use the retreat method, say: “goodbye,” “ciao,” “bye” - and not return again. The method of retreat is also indispensable when it becomes simply impossible to continue a relationship with such a person.
If no methods help in communicating with the “Fatal Fighter,” you have no choice but to bow out.
Sad and doomed victim
When near a sad and doomed victim, it is best to rely on a method of relieving stress. It is necessary to periodically “drain” the accumulated bad energy, otherwise you will simply weaken by spending too much time with the Victim. These people are just walking bad moods that can be very contagious - you can easily catch them like a disease.
Smiling two-faced Janus
First of all, use the method of open protest, showing Janus that you are aware of his machinations. You should never let such people go. When faced with resistance, Janus, even if you caught him red-handed, can deny everything. In this case, grab the method of scandal and give vent to your anger. But remember: never resort to physical violence, no matter how much you want to. Your sincere, confident reaction will remain in the memory of Two-Faced Janus for a long time and will torment him all his life.
Indecisive weakling
An indecisive weakling is so insecure and vulnerable that he must be handled with extreme caution. Therefore, the method of love and kindness is most preferable in that you let the Weak One feel your readiness to be there at a difficult moment.
You may also want to use a method of calm questioning to help him make a decision. Ask questions that will help clarify the situation and give the Weakling the opportunity to come to some logical conclusion. If the Indecisive weakling drives you to white heat, and the methods of love, kindness and calm questions do not work, all that remains is to lay down your arms and leave the poor fellow in the proud.
Consumer
When communicating with the Consumer, open protest is one of the ways out. This method allows you to make it clear that you feel used and offended. In some cases, resistance on your part causes the Consumer to experience remorse for his nasty behavior. If the Consumer cares about your friendship and respect, he may look at himself and your reactions differently. If you manage to remain calm, the method of open protest will allow you to start a dialogue that will help restore the damaged relationship. If you feel that they are trying to manipulate you, to use you in this situation, say directly and firmly: “No, it won’t do. I won’t allow anyone to treat me like that, I don’t like it.”
Another option is to walk away and no longer give the consumer the opportunity to take advantage of you.
Evil Upstart Tyrant
Very often these dictators, when fought with the same weapons, feel both amazement and disgust at their behavior. In essence, by rebuffing their anger, you can once and for all protect yourself from such attacks. By shouting louder than them, you will regain your courage.
In addition, in dealing with an Upstart Tyrant, the method of scandal is suitable. Don't let him torture you with his "quirks" and enjoy your humiliation. On the contrary, act boldly and calmly. If you put him in his place, the Upstart might even respect you. Don't give him the pleasure of seeing your fear.
Your tyrant boss will also feel respect for you, although he may explode even more. You will win either way: even if he unleashes his fury on you, at least you will maintain your dignity. Another option is to get away from the Upstart Tyrant and stay as far away from him as possible. A humorous way will also help. There are many known cases when good-natured humor saved the situation and the tyrant’s ardor faded away.
Joker
The method of open protest immediately makes it clear to the Joker that you do not consider him witty and do not intend to be the object of vile jokes and stories.
It is necessary to maintain a firm tone to silence him. Don’t be afraid to talk to the Joker in this way, because he doesn’t understand in a good way. When the Joker makes a poisonous joke at you and makes excuses by saying that he was “just fooling around,” or tries to provoke you with the remark: “Don’t you understand jokes?” - Put it back in place immediately. Tell him that you understand the jokes, but you don't find anything funny in what he said. Don't worry about offending him or hurting his feelings. In the end, this person doesn't really care about your feelings.
Because the Joker builds a wall of jokes in front of him to protect his frail self-esteem, you may not be able to break his abusive behavior. The joker may simply give up on you and continue in the same spirit. In this case, turn to the scandal method. Also remind the Joker, by way of open protest, that the current plight of the world will quickly put an end to his jokes, especially if they are dangerous in terms of norms of interracial or sexual behavior.
Ignorant
When communicating with the Ignorant, a variety of methods are at your disposal. What you choose depends on how stubborn or stupid the Ignorant is. Start with a way to relieve tension if your opponent seems so unbearable to you that you can only hold your anger by holding your breath.
It is usually not enough to take out your anger on the Ignorant. Therefore, you can influence him using the method of open protest, explaining, like a small child, that his actions are completely inappropriate.
Madman
The best ways to deal with Mad Men are to relieve stress and ask calm questions. The calmer you are, the less you provoke the Madman and the easier it will be for you to communicate.
Ultimately, you can always move on from Crazy People and do more enjoyable things because without professional help, they will never be able to change their difficult behavior. Do everything in your power to send such a person to a doctor, and if that fails, save yourself. Even if you are beside yourself and ready to strangle someone who does nasty things to you, always suppress your aggressive impulses and do not do anything that can ruin your future and put your life in danger.
When faced with Mad Men, never try to take matters into your own hands, but try to find legal avenues. Then, no matter how painful it may be, tell yourself, “I won’t think about it,” to deal with the bitterness in your heart created by the Madman.
Shameless liar
The best way to deal with a Shameless Liar is to ask calm questions. If, suspecting him of lying, you begin to pour out questions, the Liar will eventually be driven into a corner and appear in an open form.
Then comes the turn of a method of open protest, which makes the Liar understand that you have seen through him, just as some Liars hide the truth only in order to amaze you. You might want to help them save their face, even though you know they're lying. Adopt a method of relieving tension, and let the Liar weave whatever he wants. And if he wants to impress you with harmless inventions, use a humorous method. A slight grin on your face often shows the Liar that you are aware of the true state of affairs, but are not inclined to humiliate him.
Dirty dog
The nasty person should make it clear clearly that his nasty behavior is not at all welcome and looks disgusting. The method of scandal, and then the method of retreat, will best explain to this type of mischief your attitude towards him.
You should not be polite and friendly with Dirty People, as this, as a rule, does not impress them. These manipulators are too dangerous, so after giving them a hard time, leave immediately! Don't let Dirty People into your life.
Miser
Hoarders are a classic type of harmful creatures, because they have unusually low self-esteem. The method of calm questions can help you in communicating with a Curmudgeon. By asking certain questions, you will let him know how unpleasant stinginess is. The Cheapskate will likely be embarrassed to hear your point of view. And the answers will shed light on his hidden fears, which will make you more understanding and patient towards your opponent, even if he behaves unworthily.
Another way is the method of open protest. Compassion and understanding are necessary conditions, so when communicating with Cheapskates, maintain a friendly tone. The way of love and kindness will best demonstrate your empathy.
Narcissus
The narcissist is unable to talk about anything unless it has something to do with himself. The best way to communicate with him is through the method of love and kindness, since Narcissus is selfish and self-absorbed solely because of deep fears, insecurities and complexes. Understanding this will help you better understand the Narcissist's problems and interact more successfully with him. The narcissist does not strive to be selfish at all costs; he is this way due to low self-esteem. The narcissist does not know how to give something to others because he is too exhausted, worthless and busy with his own problems.
If his self-absorption is wearing on your patience, a stress reliever will calm you down and help you continue communicating. If the Narcissist's selfishness and insecurities affect you, you must speak up about it using open protest. However, maintain a calm, reserved tone, otherwise they will not listen to you. If you begin to blame him and say barbs, the Narcissist will become defensive, scolding you and denying that he is self-centered. His "I" is usually fragile, like an eggshell.
If you notice that the Narcissist communicates with you only when it is convenient for him, does not pay attention to your words, and turns all conversations on himself, you may ask why he chose you. You can take your leave and leave Narcissus. Most people who encounter a Narcissist end up choosing to retreat as there comes a point where their patience wears thin. After you stop communicating with a Narcissist, it will help to think: “I won't think about it” when you suddenly think about him, and a humorous way that will show the absurdity of his behavior.
Suck up
Even though the Slickers are unscrupulous manipulators, you don’t have the courage to blame them for everything, because deep down you still believe that at least a little of what they say is true. When the sugary flattery starts to overflow, a stress reliever can help you cope with unpleasant emotions. If this is not enough to overcome hostility, use a humorous method to stop the Slicker's efforts to please you.
You can smile and good-naturedly say: “Come on, continue, am I really what you say? You probably need something from me.” This combination of humor and open protest can cause an outburst of denial, followed by other hilarious remarks like “If you don’t stop talking in that honeyed voice, I’m going to get diabetes,” or “Are you pouring that sweet syrup on me to look at me?” , how will the ants surround me?", or "Aren't you tired of it yet?" Show them that you see right through their sycophantic “things.” If you can't stand the Sneaking and their flattery anymore, try the mirror method. Speak to them the same way they do, imitating their sweet voice. Usually they guess what's going on.
Self-righteous despot
When faced with a Smug Despot, immediately show him using calm questions how unpleasant and boring he is to you.
If, on the other hand, the Self-righteous Despot takes an unapproachable position and you find it dangerous to use the mirror method, choose the substitute fantasy method so that you can spend time with the Despot without harming yourself.
Arrogant snob
When Arrogant Snobs start singing their favorite song, "I'm Better Than You," the method of calm questioning works best. Ask Snobs more questions so that they understand the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like “who told you that you are better than the rest?” or “why wouldn’t you talk to such a person?” usually they are knocked off their arrogance, since they do not know how to respond to this.
It is very pleasant to tell the Arrogant Snobs everything that you think, because they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your Attacks. If you find that you have suffered enough meanness from the Arrogant Snob and his friends, leave them and leave, saving your nerves. People who think they are better than you don't deserve attention.
Competitor
Nowadays, women often succeed more than their male friends, and some insecure representatives of the stronger sex cannot accept this. Although many of these men consider themselves highly evolved and progressive people, they, like fossils, are unable to shake off the youthful belief that boys should be bigger, better, stronger and smarter than girls.
Mentor
The mentor - a little despot - simply cannot live without playing the role of first violin. But while children can still be raised, adults with their established beliefs and values only experience irritation and humiliation when someone tries to control them.
Don't let the Mentor down. Explain that you are not concerned with his desire to manage everything, but attempts to manage you are annoying. At the first suspicion of such behavior, you need to use the method of open protest. The mirror method also works wonders, making the Mentor wary, for he instantly boils over at the slightest attempt to control him. The mentor clearly cannot stand being treated the way he treats others. Remember that if you persistently imitate him, he may not remain in debt and fly into a frenzy. However, having experienced first-hand what it is like to be taught what, how and when to do, he will stop trying to tell you.
Ruthless Mentors also deserve a way to scandal. Turn on your heels, tighten your stomach and loudly declare that you will no longer tolerate being controlled and told what to do, because you are a reasonable adult who is fully capable of making your own decisions. A little rudeness will show this person how angry you are capable of. If nothing helps and the Mentor continues to control you, causing anxiety and grief, you will have to retreat. Otherwise, rest assured: you will stop being yourself and forget how to think for yourself.
Suspicious skeptic
Be as patient as possible. The stress relief method will help you get rid of negative emotions. If you decide to support the naysayers using the method of love and kindness, you may make good friends and allies.
If these people get on your nerves too much, you will have to retreat just as in the case of other Harmful Creatures who take a lot of your energy. Leave them in the care of psychologists!
Harmful people at work
Like neighbors, employees are not chosen - unless you are the head of a company. But the current situation in the financial world sometimes does not allow even bosses to choose their employees and clients at will.
In our turbulent times, an employee must have the skills to communicate with all types of harmful people in order not to lose his job. In the workplace, learning to deal with difficult individuals is truly a matter of survival. Stress Relief: “I won’t think about it” and vicarious fantasy can be your closest allies at work.
Harmful bosses. Bosses are bosses, they are the first fiddle, so whether you respect them or not is a secondary issue if you want to keep your job and make a living. The main thing for you is to learn to deal adequately with them and deal with your own anger. Harmful people in positions of power tend to be Angry Upstart Tyrants, Blaming Critics, Mentors, Consumers, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses and Curmudgeons, or variations thereof.
If you value your job, other methods may be risky. You can't put your bosses on the defensive and make them look bad because it's always up to them and there's nothing you can do about it - so express your anger in a more acceptable way.
If your work is not of great value to you, take a risk and use the methods of open protest, calm questions, mirrors or scandal. After all, is it worth holding on to your job if anxiety and stress are threatening your health? Leave if you can. We don't need to be victims anymore. Now there is an opportunity to raise our voice, leave or go to the appropriate authorities that will help us sort things out.
Harmful employees. A harmful employee may appear in the guise of a Competitor, a Trample in the Mud, a Smiling Two-Faced Janus, a Gossip, a Dirty Man, or an Instigator. Although the work environment is very different from home, many people tend to look at the boss as a parent and see employees as brothers and sisters. As a result family relationships often carry over into the work environment.
The most effective methods for dealing with harmful employees are methods of relieving tension and calm questions. Never lose your composure and don’t break into a scandal. Verbal violence at work is unacceptable under any form! Whatever the situation, you must behave as a professional and cultured person. If you are too provoked into a quarrel, use the method of open protest with both the harmful employee and the boss, directly telling the latter what happened. Let the difficult colleague know that you understand what's what and are not going to follow his lead, but will go to the higher authorities - to the boss - for fairness and justice.
Harmful subordinates. Some subordinates are so jealous of their superiors that they take on the role of the Gossip, the Dormant But Deadly Volcano, the Instigator, the Suck-Up, the Smug Despot, or the Suspicious Skeptic. Subordinates should behave correctly with their boss, at least because of their position, while the boss should respect his subordinates, while occupying a position of authority. A boss who is dissatisfied with a subordinate must always remain calm, never give in to anger and not use the method of scandal. When dealing with harmful subordinates, it is necessary to master the methods of open protest and calm questions.
Harmful professionals. There are harmful government officials and harmful professionals: doctors, lawyers, businessmen, politicians and even psychologists. No matter how educated these people are, no matter how successful they are at school, subsequently at medical school, the bar, and successfully passing all exams, this does not give them the right to consider themselves superior to others and insult them.
Too often, professionals hide behind their titles and degrees to make them feel bigger and more powerful. Too often they manifest their toxic behavior as Evil Upstart Tyrants, Fatal Fighters, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses, Trampers in the Mud, Narcissists, Arrogant Snobs, Mentors or Suspicious Skeptics.
Such harmful professionals need to be put in their place. Their task is to help and support. And it doesn’t matter how famous these doctors and lawyers are or how many articles have been written about them, first of all they are obliged to help you. You pay them money, you need their services, so don't be afraid of them. You have every right to ask them questions and expect to be treated politely. It is best to use the method of calm questions when communicating with harmful professionals. The key word is calm. After all, they are also sensitive creatures and are often offended if your voice sounds like a pretension. They will become defensive, talking down to you or being rude. Therefore, when communicating with them, it is extremely necessary to monitor your intonations.
Maintain a calm and polite tone, loud enough but not harsh or shouty. If, despite your polite manners, their tone leaves much to be desired, use the method of open protest and say calmly but firmly that you prefer to be treated more politely and will not tolerate humiliation.
Harmful staff. Harmful people from the service staff can manifest themselves as Arrogant Snobs, Smug Despots, Consumers, Evil Upstart Tyrants, Chatterboxes, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses or Slickers. Perhaps many salespeople today are rude and unkind because they are jealous of your ability to buy something they cannot afford themselves. They would gladly be in your place - the place of the buyer, not the seller.
Whatever makes such people toxic, you should not suffer from it. Now you have the opportunity to get out of unpleasant situations with dignity. Open protest must be applied to harmful members of the service staff. If it doesn’t help, try the mirror method, and if that doesn’t work either, don’t accept their help at all. It is better to use the method of scandal and retreat - leave and do not pay for services not provided.
You have a choice
From all sides our lives are poisoned by harmful people. They seep into our daily affairs from everywhere. But stop running and hiding. If the image of a harmful person applies to someone you know and you understand what it is about him that repels you, perhaps this understanding alone will be enough. In fact, to understand everything means to forgive, and you will no longer have to accumulate unpleasant feelings within yourself.
Gennady Ivanovich Prokopenko,
candidate of psychological sciences,
Corresponding Member of the International Academy
psychological sciences
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